My husband and I agreed to take an opportunity posed by his friend and business partner. The deal was to expand a franchise that his friend has had a lot of sucess with. My husband and I agreed to a part time relocation to get it off the ground in exchange for ownership. At first, I felt involved and was excited as my husband talked over everything with me and in fact I recieved love bank coins becouse I am an adventurer and love challenges. I imagined being a part of the process. As time has gone on my husband and his friend have done all the traveling and I have not been invited. The things I imagined being a part of in the setting up process have come and gone while I stay at our orininal home in another state watching our 2 small children 1 and 2 years old. I also have 2 older children 17 and 14 that I have every other week, but my husband has mostly traveled on the weeks they are away too.
My husbands friend is in a very unhappy marriage and is always greatful to have a chance to get away from his wife and I feel that has greatly influenced what my part in this has also become. Although, I believe his wife will be visiting befor I will (even though there family will not be relocating.) My husband finally went out to find us a place to stay there so I can join him and I dont like what he has found. I told him I felt left out and i have a very differnt idea of where to stay with the two toddlers. He says he is doing what he can and he half heartedly invited me to drive myself and our 2 toddlers out this afternoon(8 hour drive), while he is scheduled to come back tomorrow to which I declined so then he said "see it 's you." What can I do now, I agreed to this in the beginning. What do you do when you agree to something but it turns out badly for you but good for your husband?

Hi CF, welcome to Marriage Builders. There are a couple of pressing issues in your scenario. The first is spending nights apart. This is dangerous to marriages. Couples fall out of love when they are not together every night. It also raises the risk of one of you having an affair.

The second big issue I see is that you aren't following the policy of joint agreement, which is to never to do anything without mutual enthusiastic agreement.

In your situation i would make every effort to get in a position where you are together every night. Once you have done that you will be in a position to implement of these marriage rules. Start here and be sure and pick up the book His Needs, Her Needs: HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN PLAN TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS AND RESTORE LOVE

Thank you. I will read back over that plan. And I will try to focus on getting to a position where we are togrther every nigh. I have the book and have read it several times over the years! That is why I am posting here. My problem is that I was enthusiastically on board at first but it has changed into something I have not been inclueded in. It was presented to me as I would have opportunities to be involved but they never came. He keeps saying at some point I will be but that time keeps being put off. The plans are all made between and inclueding just the two of them, he and his friend and partner and they treat me like this is the way it has to be. I am a professional and also an entrepreneur with lots of experience so I feel the attitude they have is undermining and again, it isnt how it was presented. Again thanks for the advice! I will look into that plan tonight!

You are always free to reopen negotiations. My DH wanted air-conditioning. I hate a/c. We negotiated and agreed to install it subject to the thermostat being set to 85. After a couple of weeks I noticed the thermostat was creeping steadily lower. So we tore that agreement up and renegotiated again from the beginning. It took two more rounds before we were able to agree a temperature that worked for him and worked for me.

The POJA takes patience, love and trust. That is why Mel says you have to first be together. You cannot POJA in a fractured relationship.

Update: We are now together. He rented a suitable place, reluctantly, but he did. It has been odd at the very least. His buddys wife booked a really nice extended stay furnished apartment for her husband, mine and another male business partner for the next month.
She did this right AFTER he told them I would not be waiting any longer to relocate and would be joining him now. They seem frustrated he is not following what they decided on where he would stay this month(even though the agreement was for "us" to be the one semi-permanently relocating and they do not plan to) and when my husband texted her back "no. I am looking for my family a house" in response to her informational text on the executive rental, she replied with a nasty text saying "well whatever, this is what we paid for so..." They really seem very horrible to me at this point for not supporting our family.

Needless to say, I am still treated as an outsider on the business end, which again, is not how I was explained to or treated by any of them when this was first proposed. I do get to see my husband everynight so...thats a start? It seems like a hard battle of negotiations not just with my husband but with his long time partners and friends(we have only been married 3 years) to be involved at all..or I can accept what is and build my own life here, indulge in some hobbies, make friends, ext... Either way, I still feel like my husband mislead me. My husband did show me around his store (when no one was there) and he did invite me to the grand opening ..along with hundreds of other people..lol. I could not even bring myself to go.

That's a great start! Looks like you might be renegotiating his involvement in this business at some point in the near future.