O.K. Everyone has an opinion on whether or not OW should be at this site. Truth is...I don't care right now. I am feeling very tempted and vulnerable to bad thoughts and feelings right now and I am going to be waiting for a response. Today at work I needed to get some info for a co-worker. This info had to come from OW. When I called her, her voice mail said she was leaving on vacation and wouldn't be back for awhile. I already knew she was leaving (forgot that it was today), but it really slammed home when I heard it. Been with W all day since.....and now she has gone to work. I am with the kids, and feeling crappy about my decision again (even though I know it was right). PLEASE help...with whatever you can give!!!!!!! I feel really s$@#ty right now. Very alone, and hurting down deep again.<P>------------------<BR>We stumble and fall sometimes, and that hurts. But it is the most incredible realization when you look and see that it was your spouse that picked you back up......<P>Take care of and Love each other.....Arik<P><BR>

You know what? I think it's great that you are feeling bad. Really. I would would be concerned if you didn't. One good thing, so far you are being the man that you can be and not doing anything that would undermine your efforts. Hang in there. The feeling bad part is to be expected. But think of the joy you'll feel when this is over. And it will be over, but if you slip it may be over the wrong way. Be strong, we are pulling for you.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

2soulmates:<P>I know that you bristle at the characterization of your affair as "an addiction", but in essence, that's exactly what it's about.<P>Consider yourself an addict. And guess what---the early days are some of the toughest.<P>You can get through this. You need to follow the rules. I'd strongly urge you to start doing counseling immediately with Steve Harley. And one thing Steve would recommend you to do is to take a vacation with your wife (no kids) for up to 3 weeks, if possible. If you were to do that, you would find that you'd only have your wife to turn to as you go through withdrawal. And assuming that she behaved "properly" (for the best interests of the marriage), you would get through this withdrawal phase faster than anyother way.<P>You also need to find a new job. There must not be contact between you and the OW. Otherwise, you'll be torturing yourself (and your wife) by continually going through this very hard early withdrawal phase.<P>Get some counseling. 888-639-1639.

Dunno what to tell you 2S... it’s withdrawal, it sucks, and you have to tough it out. Don’t even <B>think</B> about calling her at home.<P>Like someone posted here today... been there, done that, got not only the T-shirt but the whole &*%&*% wardrobe! <BR>(Just did a search... it was Cristalle1)<P>You might want to do something symbolic while you’re waiting though... change your nick, as some have suggested. Since you only have ONE soulmate now, right???<P>And/or... do something completely unselfish for your W. Rack your brain to think of what it might be... brain wracking will take your mind off the OW and back where it belongs as well.<P><BR>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die<p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited November 12, 1999).]

Bake a cake. Seriously, take your mind off things.

Keep the end in mind. All life's challenges seem so much more bearable if the reward is clearly in mind.

2S -- I am a betrayed. The only thing I can think of right now about your situation is admiration for the fortitude it must have taken for you to make the right decision. If W had half as much resolve, things would be much better for us right now.<P>You have to feel bad before you can feel better. Sounds pretty trite, but it's true. You've done the right thing at the right time.<P>Direct your thoughts to awaiting W coming home from work. Think positive thoughts about that. Bake that cake, play with the kids, enjoy just being at home.<P>Good luck and I am rooting for you....

Take a good look into each of your 3 innocent kids eyes. Do they deserve a healthy two parent family raising them?<P>Remember the look of devastation on your wife's face when you told her the truth.<P>Is any urge or are any feelings that you have at this moment ANYTHING compared to the damage you could do?<P>This is a long hard ride for all involved, but you bought the tickets and now you got to ride it out. You can do it.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

{{{{{{{{{{2 soulmates}}}}}}}}}}<P>but you know what...<BR>it is so much easier to<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{the right <B>true</B> soulmate}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Strength will come to those who suffer first...<BR>Think of any great athelete... all the sweat and torture they put their bodies and minds through... for what... a very very hard goal... some might not even attain it...<P>Work... work... work... my friend!<BR>You may find it hard to believe but... <B>we are psuhing you on to a better life</B>!<P>The hurt will diminish in time...<BR>The withdrawal pains <B>will</B> lessen...<P>Hey... you've got us here <BR>Keep on posting... ask for more help...<BR>You've got the best damn cheerleaders for you and your W <B>and your marriage</B> here!!!<P> <P>Jim

It's so absolutely unreal that you guys said to bake a cake. It is my oldest daughter's 8th birthday party tomorrow, and guess what W was going to do after she got home tonight? Guess what I can do that would be helpful to her? BAKE THAT CAKE!!!!! Not to say that the cake is gonna be edible or anything, but what the heck. I am feeling a little better at this moment( kinda comes in waves of anxiety and deep pain ). Don't worry WHODAT, I will not call her at home. I will admit that I miss her alot right now. W knows this and has been VERY understanding with me. What an incredible woman she is!! She has been more than I could ever imagine a Wife to be. To all of the betrayed wives out there, that are working on your marriages...I am sorry for what we as betraying husbands did to your hearts. I also thank you for loving and forgiving us.

Hey 2S...<P>That cake might be edible... eggs, oil, water and a box, right??? <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I am feeling a little better at this moment( kinda comes in waves of anxiety and deep pain)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I remember that as well... hence the “ride it out” urgings. It really is like being stuck in a hurricane... or for me, and avalanche. It’s something you really can’t control, especially in the beginning when the withdrawal is the toughest. Like K said (and pretty much anything K says is like Gospel to me), I hope you and untallnikba are considering counseling, if you’re not in it already. The help I received was, and continues to be, completely priceless.<P>Another thing on the call... glad to hear you won’t make it, but another thing... DO NOT call her voicemail at work, just to hear her voice. That one is a killer too.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

On behalf of the betrayeds I will say you are welcome. It isn't easy. You know that.<P>If your fine wife is willing to do this, I'm betting she'd stick with you through anything...sickness or health.<P>Once I was telling a 20 year old how I knew I really loved my H was when I realized if he would have a stroke and I needed to feed him and wipe his drool, getting nothing in return, I know I could do it and still feel love. Your wife would probibly do the same for you with tenderness and without a second thought. That is real love.<P>Your decision to stay is undoubtedly the best. <P>Baking a cake is a great way to Honor your marriage, by the way. Have fun!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Man, I leave the board to cook some popcorn and look what happens.<P>Good for you. You came here. You ARE strong enough to get through this!!! I'm so very proud of you.<P>One day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. Do whatever you have to do NOT to get that OW fix. You know the rules and I'm so sorry that you're now learning how hard it can be. BUT IT WILL GET EASIER!<P>These guys have really good advice. Like they said, they've been there, know exactly what you're going through. The other side is there, 2S, and a wonderful wife and marriage are waiting there for you.<P>Just keep holding on!<P>Lori

Hi 2S<P>I only wish my H was at the same stage you are at - even tho' still painful for you and yours.<BR> I am willing to try to make our marriage work, and have been trying to be supportive and loving - but he really doesn't want to know. He is so undecided about who he wants, but whilst he makes up his mind he stays with her.<BR>Thank you for giving me hope that he will see the light and come home.<BR>You have made a mistake and you're paying for it, but what a fine man you seem to be. The love and concern for your W shone through your post - or at least I thought it did. Hang in there, and keep remembering what a lovely W you have.<BR>And bake that cake !!!<P>Jo

This is why I don't think "Happens" should be posting or lurking here.<P>Because she can now think, "Ooh! He misses me!"<P>And that's not good for either of these marriages.

Hey 2S ... You really do need to change your nickname. I feel strange writing it, GOd wouldn't of created marriage if we could really have 2 soulmates.<BR>On a lighter note .. My oldest daughter turns 8 tomorrow as well. Happy Birthday to your daughter!<BR>Me being the wife of a h similar to your situation, your wife is a good woman. DO NOT do anything to make her regret being understanding of your feelings. I know from personal experience how easy it is to harden your heart. You love her and I know you need her love, but if you do anything, like take advantage of her understanding, she will harden and you will lose the chance to know what real love from a real soulmate can feel like.<BR>Hang in there .. I know it is tough. Me and H and kids went to fair here and guess who we saw, the ow her h and her kids. I had to watch the hurt in my h's eyes as he watched her with her family. She doesn't want to work things out with her h, and my h knows this. I can't help but feel he was thinking of what he was missing. So I walked off with my kids alone and ignored him and had fun with just me and the girls. He finally came to me and I wasn't mean, but he could see the hurt in my eyes. It was mixed emotions. 1 .. I was hurt for me and my loss and 2 .. I couldn't help but feel like I wanted him to be happy and maybe he would be happier with her.<BR>It was the worst feeling in the world! If he had chosen her and hadn't realized what he was doing to me, I would have harden my heart to everyone, I know it. I was on my way! Now I know that your feelings and his are valid, I am not saying that mine or your wife's are any more important than yours. Your wife is going to have it hard trying to meet your emotional needs, knowing you miss OW. It was hard, but can be done. <BR>My h told me the other night, that staying and working on us was much easier than going through a divorce with me and him and her and her h, fighting the custody battles, dealing with step parents, child support .. etc etc. It wasn't the most romantic thing he could of said, but he realized he really wouldn't of been leaving me for eternal happiness. It would of been harder to make that relationship work with all the baggage, than to make ours work! <BR>Hope you have a good day tomorrow. Enjoy your family!<P><P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>

Dazed and Confused: I tried to hold back and not respond to what you said but I couldn't (and this is the only time that I will ever respond). <BR> <BR>Quote: "OOOH...he misses me".<P>It didn't make me happy to read that 2S wrote that (like you made it sound) - it made me sad to think that I am the reason why he is feeling all of this pain, hurt, and frustration. I am the reason why his wife is hurting. She is the first person that I spoke to after I just finished telling my husband about the whole thing and thru my intense crying...she told me that she'd pray for me. After all what I have done to her - she'd still do that for me.<P>Arik and Nicole - I am sorry for getting a little defensive here. It won't happen again. Please continue to rebuild your marriage. I won't "lurk" anymore. <BR>

Arik,<BR>Can't even bring myself to type your registered name,,sorry. <P>Hey you bake that cake. My favorite cake is the first one my H baked for my birthday in the first year we were married. We didn't have a cake pan, so he baked it in a huge frying pan. One big fat single layer cake. After he took it out of the oven, put it on a plate, and frosted it, it split in 4 and slid right off the plate and counter top onto the floor, right before our very eyes! We laughed so hard. These are memories that no OW can ever take from us. Part of our history that is special to only us. <P>You keep on doing what you're doing,, concentrating on your marriage and that wonderful wife of yours. You won't be sorry.

Hang in there 2SM<BR> The main reason I come here, it's only been a week now, is the anonymity. I can be completely honest. I can also gain from everyones experience, strength, and hope. So can OW. I agree with changeing your call sing or name or whatever it is called. Like it or not your OW should be able to recover here also. Two definitions of anonymity are <BR>1) a state of bearing no name 2) we are all equal. I have seen alot of poems or cliches' to help ease the mind and they are all great one that helps me is.<P>GOD, grant me the serenity <BR>to accept the things <BR>I cannot change, <BR>Courage to change the<BR>things I can, and the <BR>wisdom to know the difference. <BR>Living ONE DAY AT A TIME;<BR>Enjoying one moment at a time; <BR>Accepting hardship as the <BR>pathway to peace. <BR>Taking, as He did, this<BR>sinful world as it is, <BR>not as I would have it. <BR>Trusting that He will make<BR>all things right if I <BR>surrender to His Will; <BR>That I may be reasonably happy<BR>in this life, and supremely <BR>happy with Him forever in <BR>the next. Amen <BR>Reinhold Neibuhr-1926 <P>I believe we don't have to be honest, we have to GET honest. This is the place to do that.<BR>Hang In There<BR>KEEP COMING BACK<P>------------------<BR>BB