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Marriage Builders Forums General Discussion Marriage Builders 101 Im really trying, to no avail it seems....

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Re: Im really trying, to no avail it seems.... Husbandtrying #3013148 06/01/20 08:10 PM
Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 P Prisca Member
Prisca Member P Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3	Quote If I know I may mess up again in the future...as I'm trying to create new habits....wouldnt saying "Im commited to NEVER doing it again" setting myself up for failure??. So ... you can't tell your wife that you will never call your mother first again? You can't tell her you will never look at porn again? You can't say that you're committed to not hurting her? If you can't look at her and tell her that you will do whatever it takes to protect her from yourself, there isn't a lot of hope for your marriage. Quote cause if I say that...17 years from now she WILL remind me of it if I do something remotely like it in the future.. I would hope so. And you should welcome that. You need her to tell you if you are repeating offenses that hurt her. Markos' Wife FWW - EA 8 kids ... What to do with an Angry Husband

Re: Im really trying, to no avail it seems.... Prisca #3013155 06/02/20 10:26 AM
Joined: Jun 2020 Posts: 9 H Husbandtrying OP Junior Member
OP Husbandtrying Junior Member H Joined: Jun 2020 Posts: 9	ofcourse I would.

Re: Im really trying, to no avail it seems.... Prisca #3013157 06/02/20 10:38 AM
Joined: Jun 2020 Posts: 9 H Husbandtrying OP Junior Member
OP Husbandtrying Junior Member H Joined: Jun 2020 Posts: 9	Originally Posted by Prisca Quote If I know I may mess up again in the future...as I'm trying to create new habits....would'nt saying "I'm committed to NEVER doing it again" setting myself up for failure??. So ... you can't tell your wife that you will never call your mother first again? You can't tell her you will never look at porn again? You can't say that you're committed to not hurting her? Sure I can tell her that. but knowing that even in my best most earnest attempts to fulfill the commitments ..reality says that I am going to fail from time to time in SOME area. To say that I will NEVER hurt her again doesn't seem realistic. I can say that I will ALWAYS work at not hurting her and make sure my habits and actions reflect that but I cant promise perfection no matter how hard I would try. Like if I say something that I don't know is hurtful to her and I didn't intentionally mean to hurt her.....that would be breaking my promise to NEVER hurt her again. I'm just trying to understand your point fully. Are you saying I should promise to be perfect? Or promise to always STRIVE for perfection. Those are two very separate things. I'm not talking about giving myself an excuse to sin or do wrong by her. If you can't look at her and tell her that you will do whatever it takes to protect her from yourself, there isn't a lot of hope for your marriage. I definitely can and have. gosh that makes me sound like a monster tho. Quote cause if I say that...17 years from now she WILL remind me of it if I do something remotely like it in the future.. I would hope so. And you should welcome that. You need her to tell you if you are repeating offenses that hurt her.

Re: Im really trying, to no avail it seems.... Husbandtrying #3013163 06/02/20 09:22 PM
Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 P Prisca Member
Prisca Member P Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3	Quote ofcourse I would. If you are willing to go so far as to die for your wife, then learning a little self control should be no big deal. Put down your verbal weapons and be vulnerable to the woman you'd die for. Someone has got to go first. You're not losing your manhood by doing so -- quite the opposite. You won't be annihilated. Markos' Wife FWW - EA 8 kids ... What to do with an Angry Husband

Re: Im really trying, to no avail it seems.... Husbandtrying #3013164 06/02/20 09:36 PM
Joined: Jan 2010 Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 Danville, Tri-State Area M markos Member
markos Member M Joined: Jan 2010 Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 Danville, Tri-State Area	Originally Posted by Husbandtrying Sure I can tell her that. but knowing that even in my best most earnest attempts to fulfill the commitments ..reality says that I am going to fail from time to time in SOME area. To say that I will NEVER hurt her again doesn't seem realistic. Saying that you commit to never hurting her again doesn't mean you are claiming you are going to be perfect. It means acknowledging that you know what the goal is: never hurting her again. You are going to acknowledge each and every failure to do that, and take it seriously, because it hurts her. You won't meet it by saying "Well, nobody's perfect." You'll act like it's a big deal and do whatever it takes to make it up to her, because that's what she needs. Quote I can say that I will ALWAYS work at not hurting her and make sure my habits and actions reflect that but I cant promise perfection no matter how hard I would try. Like if I say something that I don't know is hurtful to her and I didn't intentionally mean to hurt her.....that would be breaking my promise to NEVER hurt her again. You already promised not to hurt her when you got married. Remember, you promised to care for her above all others? If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.

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