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Hello there Everybody;
So to make long story short we are from South Asian Background; We are living as a joint family with my parents and bother family;
We had been living in this city for 9 years but only started our acquaintance 3 years ago with this third party guy; when we met his family and started to share our experiences with them; We were sharing Christmas, barbecue and vacation time together with his family;

Fast forward until 12 months ago when I was observing him calling my wife all the time and they are constantly messaging each other; So, I put my foot down as I was getting a gut feeling that something was wrong and I was being played;

Third party does not have to take care of his two daughters until they are 11 the condition he made with his wife; he is detached from his wife emotionally; She only wants him for money and social status and has no emotional connection with him.

She makes a remark that I was not a good husband and she needed him for emotional support when I confronted her about him and why she is abandoning all her friends and cousins and why are we exclusively going to this family alone for activities and celebration. I was going to all the meetings and conversations we were having together in his Minivan up to this moment, but after they start to abandon me and my wife would go meet him alone in the minivan; she denied meeting him even when I used GPS locator to place our car at our old meeting location where we used to meet him.

So I have ended my wife's three years affair which happened three months ago; this was very nasty end as she was going back to him even after No contact rule was established; her reasoning was that because I was contacting his wife and her old friend regarding the affair and she needed him again for support because I was abusing her emotionally according to her; She says that he is her best friend and I am seeing and assuming things that are not there.

I put VAR in our car and recorded their conversation where my wife is becoming way too much affectionate toward him; I opened up their recording in front of his wife and Mom; my wife says that she really hates me for this decision; she asks why I did not tell her and they would have stopped communication if I had confronted her alone; She says this was a close family relation and I have made a big mistake abandoning a good friend who was there in need for us.

Two Years ago I was in a lot of pain and suffering just like her because my brothers wife got pregnant and I was having a low sperm count and we were living together with them as a joint family; I was visiting the clinic and specialist to resolve the issue; Yet, she remember nothing; she says that I was not there for her.

Another concept she throws at me is that she wasted 10 years of life in this marriage, and she taught me what she need in a relationship and I neglected her; She talks about other cousins who are more passionate and intimate toward their spouses and I was not able to provide that thing for her.

She says that I was not ready for marriage as I was busy playing games and using computer and I did not know what it takes to be husband;

I am just trying to realize how someone can flip a switch on some one and completely turn them off from their life; its as if I was her enemy and abuser; somehow I was forcing and controlling her by asking her to stop contact with the third party.

How can I continue to belief and faith in this life when my partner who I though I knew and put all my faith in turned against me; I just do not know what I did wrong to be the villain in all this scenario?

When we met this third party it was both families trying to improve our marriages; Yet, somewhere along the lines it became about my wife and his special connection that was bigger than our marriage. Somehow his wife abused him emotionally and my wife was abused by me; My Regret in all this is the fact that Why we could not simply work in transparency and with honesty?

I would be proud to take steps to improve our marriage and I would encourage him to do same with his wife; But there has to be intent and complete dedication for that action to come about.

I am working full time job; and I do take care of the baby whenever I am home and do all the house chores like cleaning dishes or buying grocery; Yet, somehow it is not enough and my wife always keeps mentioning that I am neglectful and not paying attention; She constantly keep mentioning that I am a selfish person who uses others for his own gain.

She also says that I have no social skills and she is the one introducing us to her work colleagues and cousins to do all the activities;

What do you guys propose to resolve for marriage recovery as my wife is still in denial regarding the affair and says that you have destroyed a very good friendship; she says they were only talking about baby and she was not having an affair; Somehow even with all the cues pointing toward Emotional attachment she denies everything and says I am at fault for making this big mistake out of my fear and insecurity.

I really love my wife and wants to find a better place for our marriage; So, I need your feedback regarding my situation and what is the best thing I can to for marriage recovery.








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Welcome to MB.

Are you still in contact with this other couple?

What was on the recording that you heard? Did his mom agree with you that it was an affair? What did the OM’s (other man) wife say when she heard the recording?


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Have you read Basic Concepts


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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Have you read Basic Concepts

Hey there;
So far I have gone to Marriage councilor; Read over almost all the books from great author including Dr. Harley, Shirley Glass and John Gottman regarding the Infidelity and emotional affairs.

So in all I understand what happened and how I can move forward; Only issue so far is that my wife does not accept her role in all this mess; for her I neglected her emotional needs which he was able to meet and provide and this does not make it an affair according to her.

Her biggest complaint has been my nagging mother who stays with us and takes care of our Baby as we are from South Asian Background so we live as a joint family with my Parents and my brother family; in all my wife gets triggered any time some one makes a negative remark as she is perfectionist and does not take people words lightly.

In all my wife has a very good heart and tender soul and she has very good social skills and gets along with all of my family very well.

Biggest complaint from her is that I do not satisfy her emotional needs and I am very judgmental and always gets into problem solving mode whenever she needs me to listen to her; so she has shut down around me over time and I am trying to make her open up once again to rekindle our relationship and connection.

It seems she is distant from most of her family and friends and opens up very little about her stress and day to day hardships; She did all this with the Third party who became a great friend according to her; Yet, over time he took over my responsibility as he was always talking to her over the phone and meetings and she had very little to say when around me.

Over time she would use Gas lighting and Narssistyic tactic to prove that I was no a good husband and did not meet her needs; Somewhere along the line I did not matter anymore even if I took care of the Baby and completed all the household chores like cleaning and buying Grocery; It Seems, she is exhausted from working 11 hour shifts and becomes very negative and triggered as she is not able to relax at home when she comes over; Yet, I comfort her and tell her that I will do the tasks to make her life more comfortable.

So; How do I turn hate to love? what would work to make her recognize my contribution and effort?

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Originally Posted by canadien74
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Have you read Basic Concepts

Hey there;
So far I have gone to Marriage councilor; Read over almost all the books from great author including Dr. Harley, Shirley Glass and John Gottman regarding the Infidelity and emotional affairs.



Biggest complaint from her is that I do not satisfy her emotional needs and I am very judgmental and always gets into problem solving mode whenever she needs me to listen to her; so she has shut down around me over time and I am trying to make her open up once again to rekindle our relationship and connection.



Over time she would use Gas lighting and Narssistyic tactic to prove that I was no a good husband and did not meet her needs; Somewhere along the line I did not matter anymore even if I took care of the Baby and completed all the household chores like cleaning and buying Grocery; It Seems, she is exhausted from working 11 hour shifts and becomes very negative and triggered as she is not able to relax at home when she comes over; Yet, I comfort her and tell her that I will do the tasks to make her life more comfortable.

So; How do I turn hate to love? what would work to make her recognize my contribution and effort?

Just to make sure i understand the situation, your mother and your brothers family all live with you? You then said: "Her biggest complaint has been my nagging mother who stays with us.."

What is being done to address this complaint?

You also mention that she is working 11 hour shifts and is exhausted. That just sounds like a horrible lifestyle that can't possibly sustain a romantic marriage.

"Biggest complaint from her is that I do not satisfy her emotional needs"

What are her top emotional needs? Do you know? You talk about doing chores, but that does nothing to create a romantic marriage.

Quote
So far I have gone to Marriage councilor; Read over almost all the books from great author including Dr. Harley, Shirley Glass and John Gottman regarding the Infidelity and emotional affairs.

It looks like you are all over the place and are only spinning your wheels. Marriage Builders is completely different from any of those marriage resources [which we don't consider successful] in that it serves to create romantic love by eliminating the bad marriage habits that cause couples to fall out of love.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Welcome to MB.

Are you still in contact with this other couple?

What was on the recording that you heard? Did his mom agree with you that it was an affair? What did the OM’s (other man) wife say when she heard the recording?
In addition to MelodyLane’s questions, could you please answer these?


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Hello guys;
The cusp for all that happened was my baby as she said she became desperate to have a baby after my younger brother wife became pregnant three years ago and we live in the same household.

At that time she decided to use my cousin as a Sperm donor according to her because of my low sperm count; II was unaware of this decision as she said I would not approve of this decision and was afraid that I would judge her after the fact. After that we had lots of activity with this cousins family like going to Christmas, vacations and family gatherings with this cousin family.

She started becoming more and more closer to him during 1 year maternity leave, he would call her and they would talk even late in night; At that time I was unaware of all this emotional mambo jumbo so I did not protest thinking it’s just a family member so what’s the harm in talking to him.

He became the focal point of our life and my wife would make my son call him Pappa while I was called daddy; she said this was her personal decision as he
Loved our son very much.

She starts getting distant from me last year and always day dreaming about the cousin and saying all the great things about him while putting me down; and cousins family still does not know about Sperm donation either.

Thing that still bothers me is was it really Sperm donation if there is no paper trail and only sperm donation form she showed me was on her phone, which she provided 1 week after I ask for it after I got confirmation from my Paternity test I did because I had a doubt in my mind that I was being played.

What would you guys advice in this regard; I want to recouncile and work on marriage recovery, yet still I have some doubts about what really happened.

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Originally Posted by canadien74
Hello guys;
The cusp for all that happened was my baby as she said she became desperate to have a baby after my younger brother wife became pregnant three years ago and we live in the same household.

At that time she decided to use my cousin as a Sperm donor
according to her because of my low sperm count; II was unaware of this decision as she said I would not approve of this decision and was afraid that I would judge her after the fact. After that we had lots of activity with this cousins family like going to Christmas, vacations and family gatherings with this cousin family.

She started becoming more and more closer to him during 1 year maternity leave, he would call her and they would talk even late in night; At that time I was unaware of all this emotional mambo jumbo so I did not protest thinking it’s just a family member so what’s the harm in talking to him.

He became the focal point of our life and my wife would make my son call him Pappa while I was called daddy; she said this was her personal decision as he
Loved our son very much.

She starts getting distant from me last year and always day dreaming about the cousin and saying all the great things about him while putting me down; and cousins family still does not know about Sperm donation either.

Thing that still bothers me is was it really Sperm donation if there is no paper trail and only sperm donation form she showed me was on her phone, which she provided 1 week after I ask for it after I got confirmation from my Paternity test I did because I had a doubt in my mind that I was being played.

What would you guys advice in this regard; I want to recouncile and work on marriage recovery, yet still I have some doubts about what really happened.
Could you please clarify for us: Is the "third party" that you wrote about in your first post
Originally Posted by canadien74
...started our acquaintance 3 years ago with this third party guy; when we met his family and started to share our experiences with them; We were sharing Christmas, barbecue and vacation time together with his family;

Fast forward until 12 months ago when I was observing him calling my wife all the time and they are constantly messaging each other; So, I put my foot down as I was getting a gut feeling that something was wrong and I was being played;
...the sperm donor cousin you have just written about here, or are we now talking about two affairs?

You mentioned a paternity test: was this carried out under scientific conditions, and did it show you to be the father of the child? Alternatively, did your wife collect the samples and tell you the result?


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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by canadien74
Hello guys;
The cusp for all that happened was my baby as she said she became desperate to have a baby after my younger brother wife became pregnant three years ago and we live in the same household.

At that time she decided to use my cousin as a Sperm donor
according to her because of my low sperm count; II was unaware of this decision as she said I would not approve of this decision and was afraid that I would judge her after the fact. After that we had lots of activity with this cousins family like going to Christmas, vacations and family gatherings with this cousin family.

She started becoming more and more closer to him during 1 year maternity leave, he would call her and they would talk even late in night; At that time I was unaware of all this emotional mambo jumbo so I did not protest thinking it’s just a family member so what’s the harm in talking to him.

He became the focal point of our life and my wife would make my son call him Pappa while I was called daddy; she said this was her personal decision as he
Loved our son very much.

She starts getting distant from me last year and always day dreaming about the cousin and saying all the great things about him while putting me down; and cousins family still does not know about Sperm donation either.

Thing that still bothers me is was it really Sperm donation if there is no paper trail and only sperm donation form she showed me was on her phone, which she provided 1 week after I ask for it after I got confirmation from my Paternity test I did because I had a doubt in my mind that I was being played.

What would you guys advice in this regard; I want to recouncile and work on marriage recovery, yet still I have some doubts about what really happened.
Could you please clarify for us: Is the "third party" that you wrote about in your first post
Originally Posted by canadien74
...started our acquaintance 3 years ago with this third party guy; when we met his family and started to share our experiences with them; We were sharing Christmas, barbecue and vacation time together with his family;

Fast forward until 12 months ago when I was observing him calling my wife all the time and they are constantly messaging each other; So, I put my foot down as I was getting a gut feeling that something was wrong and I was being played;
...the sperm donor cousin you have just written about here, or are we now talking about two affairs?

You mentioned a paternity test: was this carried out under scientific conditions, and did it show you to be the father of the child? Alternatively, did your wife collect the samples and tell you the result?



THE third party is the cousin; in August I last year I setup no contact policy with the cousin seeing my wife drifting over to him as he was asking her to give up other friends and cousins so he can spend more time with her, within 1 week they setup meeting with me again and assuring that there is nothing for me to fear and they are just friends.

He cuts most of the contact with me and mostly talks with me wife, I ask my wife to limit contact with him and tell her that this is affecting our marriage; she says that her connection to him has no affect on our relation.

There is a contact with his wife I made in January to find Out about her assesent on the situation; she says it’s just friendship and she knows there is attraction between them.

In February I setup no contact with cousin again as I see our connection deteriorating and my wife falling more into love fog with him.

She starts hitting me and her because I contacted his wife and was trying to stop her from meeting him; I install VAR at this time, in two week I get a confirmation of recontact with cousin and they were scouting new place to meet after work to avoid detection; she lies for two weeks about meeting him and says that I am insecure and delusional about things.

I put all the VAR recording in front of his mom and wife; This was very narrow recording as she would go to his minivan for other serious conversation regarding the baby according to my wife.

I go for paternity test after that and my wife confessed that she used him as a sperm donor as she finds out that I am doing the DNA test.

We have no contact policy in place with cousin; what would you guys recommend in this situation?

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You didn't answer my question about being sure you are the father of the child.


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Originally Posted by canadien74
What do you guys propose to resolve for marriage recovery as my wife is still in denial regarding the affair and says that you have destroyed a very good friendship; she says they were only talking about baby and she was not having an affair; Somehow even with all the cues pointing toward Emotional attachment she denies everything and says I am at fault for making this big mistake out of my fear and insecurity.

I really love my wife and wants to find a better place for our marriage; So, I need your feedback regarding my situation and what is the best thing I can to for marriage recovery.
Okay: She is having an affair with your cousin. She had sex with him in order to have a child. I don't know whether you know which one of you is the child's father.

There isn't a no-contact policy in place (as you wrote in another post). She has no intention of going NC with him. She is in love with him and believes him to be the child's father.

If you cannot get her to agree to NC, you cannot recover from the affair and rebuild the marriage. You need to do a proper exposure, ignoring her protests about only talking to him as a friend about the baby - this is an affair, and your VAR recordings and knowledge of the "sperm donor" situation are more than enough proof. You need to read the exposure guidelines that are contained in MelodyLane's signature - she wrote to you above. When that is done properly, and when you have also confronted OM and told him to stay away from your wife, you'll need to see what your wife's attitude is to moving far away where she cannot see OM.

Do you wish to recover your marriage even if the child isn't yours? If it isn't yours and you issue an ultimatum to your wife for her to end the affair and move away with you, she might make the decision to end the marriage and take her chances with OM. Be prepared for that possibility.


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Please read Exposure 101


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Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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The child is not mine that is already confirmed with Patrnity test that I did; the twist she brought at that time was a Sperm donor theory where she became desperate for a baby and because i would not approve they went into secrecy to solve her problem.

In terms of exposure; that is already done with my family and her family just found out about it from anonymous source. Right now, her family is very tense about the situation; yet they have not asked anything to me about it as they are in India while we are in Canada.

Would you guys recvomend that I talk to her family or not about it?

I keep feeling like I need to confront the cousin should I?

After exposure with my brother, his wife and mom present with VAR recording i have not met him. As I already put no contact policy in front of them and his wife wants nothing to do with us moving forward.

My wife to this day insists that this was not an affair; and I made a biggest mistake of my life by listenning to wrong people from online forums, she said they would have limited contact moving forward if I did not involve other people in our business.

I simply want him done with our life; yet, my wife keeps insisting that we should acknowledge his family if we meet them at an event or family gathering.

What would you guys reccomend for family dynamics in this situation.

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Originally Posted by canadien74
The child is not mine that is already confirmed with Patrnity test that I did; the twist she brought at that time was a Sperm donor theory where she became desperate for a baby and because i would not approve they went into secrecy to solve her problem.

In terms of exposure; that is already done with my family and her family just found out about it from anonymous source. Right now, her family is very tense about the situation; yet they have not asked anything to me about it as they are in India while we are in Canada.

Would you guys recvomend that I talk to her family or not about it?

I keep feeling like I need to confront the cousin should I?

After exposure with my brother, his wife and mom present with VAR recording i have not met him. As I already put no contact policy in front of them and his wife wants nothing to do with us moving forward.

My wife to this day insists that this was not an affair; and I made a biggest mistake of my life by listenning to wrong people from online forums, she said they would have limited contact moving forward if I did not involve other people in our business.

I simply want him done with our life; yet, my wife keeps insisting that we should acknowledge his family if we meet them at an event or family gathering.

What would you guys reccomend for family dynamics in this situation.
I don't really understand your question about family dynamics. Could you please rephrase?

Have you read the exposure thread that Brain Hurts posted to you? You should be able to find the answer to your question about talking to her family.

To clarify: your wife had an affair and a child with someone else, and she insists on keeping this man as "a friend". Have you any idea why she wants to remain married to you? Has it got anything to do with immigration status? If not that, is it a question of money? Do you provide well for her, while he stays with and provides for his wife?

To what other online forums have you posted?



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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by canadien74
The child is not mine that is already confirmed with Patrnity test that I did; the twist she brought at that time was a Sperm donor theory where she became desperate for a baby and because i would not approve they went into secrecy to solve her problem.

In terms of exposure; that is already done with my family and her family just found out about it from anonymous source. Right now, her family is very tense about the situation; yet they have not asked anything to me about it as they are in India while we are in Canada.

Would you guys recvomend that I talk to her family or not about it?

I keep feeling like I need to confront the cousin should I?

After exposure with my brother, his wife and mom present with VAR recording i have not met him. As I already put no contact policy in front of them and his wife wants nothing to do with us moving forward.

My wife to this day insists that this was not an affair; and I made a biggest mistake of my life by listenning to wrong people from online forums, she said they would have limited contact moving forward if I did not involve other people in our business.

I simply want him done with our life; yet, my wife keeps insisting that we should acknowledge his family if we meet them at an event or family gathering.

What would you guys reccomend for family dynamics in this situation.
I don't really understand your question about family dynamics. Could you please rephrase?

Have you read the exposure thread that Brain Hurts posted to you? You should be able to find the answer to your question about talking to her family.

To clarify: your wife had an affair and a child with someone else, and she insists on keeping this man as "a friend". Have you any idea why she wants to remain married to you? Has it got anything to do with immigration status? If not that, is it a question of money? Do you provide well for her, while he stays with and provides for his wife?

To what other online forums have you posted?

The third party is married and has two daughters of his own; the twist in all this was about hiw my wife would leave with baby alone if i reveal this secret to iutsiders. She says his wife will throw him out if she finds out about the baby. She says that he did a great risk and we shpuld protect him in this instance and no one should know about the baby situation.

He own two houses and is working as manager; he is taking care of his parents and two siblings who are all living with him.

The third party used Plan A which you guys refer to get my wife attention as she will always return the favor ten fold the more favor he was doing by taking us to his christmas party, Bar bq and vacations the more indebted my wife felt toward him; my wife has negative image about my own family so she got attracted to what he had to offer like magnet, and he just kept taking her more and more away from me until i felt like living with stranger in my own house.

This all things are new to me and I find myself in big danger as I thought I would be safe getting involved with cousins.

Issue now is moving forward and what you guys reccomend is a good marriage recovery program.

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Originally Posted by canadien74
The third party is married and has two daughters of his own; the twist in all this was about hiw my wife would leave with baby alone if i reveal this secret to iutsiders. She says his wife will throw him out if she finds out about the baby. She says that he did a great risk and we shpuld protect him in this instance and no one should know about the baby situation.


Issue now is moving forward and what you guys reccomend is a good marriage recovery program.
Marriage Builders is a good recovery programme. It requires that the affair comes to a complete end with no contact between your wife and OM for life. Can you achieve that? Will your wife do whatever you suggest in order to ensure NC?

The thing is, I highly doubt that she will cut contact with this man. She is blackmailing you to keep the child's paternity a secret; what she is really doing is protecting herself and OM so that they can maintain their secret, romantic bubble, while you maintain your wife financially and take care of the baby when she's busy, and while his wife takes care of his daughters so that he does not have to break up his home. If people are married but want to be with other people, what a perfect set-up for them! That's what you're enabling.

It would be perfectly acceptable for you to raise the child as your own, telling nobody about its origins...except for the fact that your wife does not want to end the affair. Your marriage could work if OM knew nothing about the child, and if your wife was enthusiastic about ending the affair and never seeing him again. However, he DOES know about the child and they have been treating this as their private love world, to the exclusion of you, her husband. There is no hope for a marriage to survive if you have to treat OM as a privileged confident who has greater rights to your wife than you have yourself.

You have been asked several questions on this thread that you have never answered. In my last post I asked about your wife's immigration status or other motive for staying married to you. There have been other questions, too. Rather than answering them, you keep posting about your frustrations.

Our questions are important. If we don't understand the whole situation, we can't give you proper advice.


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Hello there guys;
We have been married for 10 years and my wife is Canadian citizen just like me; in terms of staying married to me there immense pressure from community as we come from south Asian background where there is great shame attached to infedility.

I was talking to marriage councillor and they said that my wife is under my cousins control and he has narssistic personality; She is threatening to walk out with my son if I reveal this information to outsiders.

Biggest difficulty is letting the third party go; even after VAR recording was played and no contact was created she still wanted me to meet him; she says that no one has to know that we are meeting him and she will not make same mistake again. She says they did nothing wrong and she is not guilty of anything.

The fog is still alive and her biggest comeback is that we will not improve our connection even if we never talk to him but she will try harder if we get in contact with him; she says he has great wisdom and we should keep good terms with him.



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Originally Posted by canadien74
Hello there guys;
We have been married for 10 years and my wife is Canadian citizen just like me; in terms of staying married to me there immense pressure from community as we come from south Asian background where there is great shame attached to infedility.

I was talking to marriage councillor and they said that my wife is under my cousins control and he has narssistic personality; She is threatening to walk out with my son if I reveal this information to outsiders.

Biggest difficulty is letting the third party go; even after VAR recording was played and no contact was created she still wanted me to meet him; she says that no one has to know that we are meeting him and she will not make same mistake again. She says they did nothing wrong and she is not guilty of anything.

The fog is still alive and her biggest comeback is that we will not improve our connection even if we never talk to him but she will try harder if we get in contact with him; she says he has great wisdom and we should keep good terms with him.
She is flat-out telling you that she will only stay married to you if you allow her baby's father to stay at the centre of your marriage.

Are you going to comply with that?


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Originally Posted by canadien74
in terms of staying married to me there immense pressure from community as we come from south Asian background where there is great shame attached to infedility.

I was talking to marriage councillor and they said that my wife is under my cousins control and he has narssistic personality; She is threatening to walk out with my son if I reveal this information to outsiders.
Surely you can see that this does not make sense. If there is immense community pressure to stay married, then revealing the affair to the family would work in your favour. They will urge her to end the affair and keep her family together. That is exactly the pressure that you want from them.

As for her threat to walk out with the child: if you are going to give in to that threat, then there is nothing anyone can suggest that can help you end the affair and build a new marriage.

And I don't understand how she can be on the one hand staying with you because of immense community pressure and wanting to avoid shame, and at the same time being prepared to walk out on you at the first sign that you try to kill this affair.


BW
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Originally Posted by SugarCane
Originally Posted by canadien74
in terms of staying married to me there immense pressure from community as we come from south Asian background where there is great shame attached to infedility.

I was talking to marriage councillor and they said that my wife is under my cousins control and he has narssistic personality; She is threatening to walk out with my son if I reveal this information to outsiders.
Surely you can see that this does not make sense. If there is immense community pressure to stay married, then revealing the affair to the family would work in your favour. They will urge her to end the affair and keep her family together. That is exactly the pressure that you want from them.

As for her threat to walk out with the child: if you are going to give in to that threat, then there is nothing anyone can suggest that can help you end the affair and build a new marriage.

And I don't understand how she can be on the one hand staying with you because of immense community pressure and wanting to avoid shame, and at the same time being prepared to walk out on you at the first sign that you try to kill this affair.



The biggest issue is that she has fake personality on the outside and only third party was able to connect to her at such a deep emotional level; She is afraid of losing that connection and is trying to keep it alive.

This third party actually replaced her college friend of 5 years; that friend was single and just starting out in career; so her explanation to me is that the third party guy has more wisdom and maturity that comes with age and experience; the third party used to call daily in the evening and would simply keep looking at my wife from his video chat.

On one instance third party mentioned that only thing that matters to him is my wife; that was striking to me as I was rambling about learning new things and advancing myself.

The difficult thing for me is my wife temperament as she starts hurting herself and hitting me whenever I inquire on the matter and her safety keeps me boggle down as I do not wish for her to harm either one of us.

Last edited by canadien74; 09/13/20 04:39 PM.
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