I’ve been in a sexless marriage for almost ten years. Prior to this, we didn’t have an awesome sex life. When we first met, she had been very promiscuous and said I was the first guy she didn’t have to give sex to to get him to like her.

We have a 19yr old daughter and we’ve had a great life, except for intimacy and joy in our own relationship.

I was about 30lbs overweight and she wasn’t attracted to me. At the same time, she was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder which was explained by a marriage counselor as the reason for he lack of drive.

Through the years, I’ve used porn, masturbation and cyber sex with anonymous women in chat rooms to make up for this lack of intimacy. It has made me feel fleetingly “alive” and like a man. Obviously this isn’t the right approach.

I don’t think I could ever cheat on her physically and I could never divorce her. My ego wouldn’t allow for this to happen. I’d hate to be seen failing at having a family. I just don’t believe in it. I’m more of a believer that a stoic man gives up joy to sacrifice for his family. Not sure if that’s a good approach either. But at this point, divorce and/or cheating is off the table.

I’ve decided to give up the cyber sex, chat rooms, porn, masturbation. At this point I do it about once a week.

I’m worried that I will miss the physical release, the dopamine rush. I’m worried that for the rest of my life I will be sexless. I feel like I’m missing out. I feel abnormal. I’m ashamed.

I’ve read that benefits will be increased energy and a good mood. I have a decent mood now on most days. Just missing out on sex and intimacy.

We are both 50. She is post menopause. We haven’t slept in the same bed for a year. I used to snore (I’ve lost some weight) and I’d rather not be around her.

I’m an eternal optimist, so I hope and have faith that something supernatural might occur. I have faith in God, I just figured that my situation is punishment for sin.

So I’m giving it up. What’s next? Do have a legitimate chance at looking forward to anything or am I destined for a sexless life? What would that be like? Anyone have any experience or advice for this? I’m sincerely ready to give it all up and surrender.

Welcome to MB. Have you read any of Dr. Harley’s writings? Have you read his basic concepts?

Have you read THE QUESTION OF THE AGES: HOW CAN A HUSBAND RECEIVE THE SEX HE NEEDS IN MARRIAGE?

An anxiety disorder doesn't explain a loss of sexual interest. My husband and I were in a similar situation at one time in our marriage. I had an anxiety disorder and he was about 35 pounds overweight. It wasn't my anxiety at all that kept me from wanting sex with my husband; it was his weight. I simply wasn't attracted to him because of the way he looked. One of the emotional needs is that of physical attractiveness. Most of the time, it seems to be the need for a man to enjoy a physically attractive wife, but it is frequently also the need for a woman. If you were to get down to your healthy weight, you would likely look much more attractive to her.

What is the reason you and your wife sleep separately you are no longer snoring? Sleeping together is important to an intimate relationship. What do you mean when you say you'd rather not be around her?

If you were to work on losing the weight and invite your wife to exercise with you, this would be a good start. Do you know about love busters in marriage? Do you commit love busters? Do you and your wife go out on dates and have fun together, great conversation? Are you affectionate with her at all?

Pornography is really bad for a marriage as are masturbation and chat rooms, etc. The best thing you could is eliminate all of that from your life immediately and start dating your wife. Most women consider all of that a form of cheating and are often very upset when they discover their husband is indulging in this behavior.

A possible challenge is that some post-menopausal women suffer a loss of testosterone. Men have much more testosterone but women have a little bit and when that drops, the libido can tank. That can be helped by seeing a sensitive and good gynecologist.

Read the article that BrainHurts linked for you and go through the Basic Concepts. Dr. Harley has a lot of great articles on here that explain so much about what makes a great marriage and what destroys love. If you start doing the things Dr. Harley recommends, there is a good possibility that your marriage will be great.