Hello, DyJam, and welcome to the MarriageBuilders forum,

Dr. Harley's suggestions regarding your situation will be in regards to the actions YOU are able to take. Make sure you are eating healthy meals and exercising. You can serve as the coach, guide, and example of what it takes to be healthy.

When you go shopping, only buy nutritious foods such as chicken breasts, fresh produce, whole grains. etc. Salad dressing should be simple like a little olive oil and good vinegar or lemon juice. Avoid purchasing anything you know is a problem - chips, sugar-laden products, fried foods. Avoid sugar and bread. You don't have to buy red meat just because your wife wants it, if she eats too much of it.

You don't have to buy the food she wants if it's not healthy. You also don't have to cook unhealthy foods. If your wife says you are not being supportive of her efforts or of her, you can say you are concerned about her health as well as yours and need to start with buying and preparing only healthy foods.

Bake some chicken breasts in a simple way and keep them on hand for her to eat when she's hungry. Lentil beans and other soups can also be prepared in a healthy and delicious way. Prepare foods that are healthy and filling, yet relatively low in calories.

The first step in losing weight and being healthy is to make healthy meals. The second step is to add exercise. You can google exercises for obese people and find lots of ideas to start with. I've seen articles where an obese person started with simple yoga exercises and months later, after working on changing his diet and adding in yoga and increasing exercise, attained their goal of a healthy weight.

There are food addict programs available as well, if your wife is really interested in losing weight and being healthy. These programs focus on eliminating the addictive foods completely from the diet, much like Alcoholics Anonymous completely eliminates alcohol from the life of the alcoholic. Some people have to eliminate all sugar and flour, or whatever is the trigger for overeating. Both programs utilize volunteer sponsors to help others through difficult moments and work with the program participants in creating a healthy lifestyle.

I would love an update on what has happened with this situation. By my understanding, this is coercive control. She is responsible for her weight, not you. The plans she has put in place don't work and that is not your fault. All that is happening is the drama triangle (Karmpan), where she is moving from victim to perpetrator, all to avoid any actual change in circumstance. I have complete compassion for your and your situation, but she is not taking any repsonsibility for this. This is not your fault. There is no enthusiastic agreement. She is not listening to your needs in any way shape or form, yet you are trying your best in every way.