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It’s like I am waking up from a long coma and realising the depths of his depravity. It’s almost like I have been under his spell and the mist is starting to lift.

For the last 2 days he has been playing the ill card. Which is one of his tactics to get me to warm to him again. He asked if he could come round today at lunchtime before my DS football match, we all went to the football together.

On the way home he was talking about the kids Christmas presents and what we should get them? He suggested 2 really expensive presents, which he normally never spends that much. Usually I go out and spend about £150 each. I have never been into over spending on children perhaps only as a one off.

Then when we got back to the house, he has started some home improvements in the house again and he asked for us to use some money out of our joint account. He said he would pay £3k and the other £3k would come from the joint account. So I asked him, haven’t you just bought a new motorbike? He said no it is just borrowed. Then I said you are asking me for some money, when you are talking about buying an investment property, have multiple other properties and a multi million pound business? He literally flew out of his seat and said something along the lines of well I tell you what, if you feel like that I will cancel the order and take the windows back? I agreed that’s a good idea and then he said I will go home I said again that’s a good idea.

He then started to say bye to the kids , they practically ignored him (made me chuckle) and he flounced off. I was honestly glad to see the back of him.

Wow impressed a whole new low. I will need that money if we split up.

So babe I am going to spend a £1k the kids for Christmas, but I want you to give me £1.5k towards some replacement windows that we don’t even need.

What on earth?????

Last edited by Coolbeginnings; 12/12/20 01:00 PM.
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So I am ready.

Let me send him that letter.

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Saw BF at DS football yesterday. At the end when the kids and I left, BF came over and asked me some questions about kids. He started to cry when we walked off.

So I sent the letter last night. It said about rehab and what he could do it with my love and support. It also said about day visits and no overnights until I have reassurance that there are no drugs.

My brother has agreed to be IM again.

Couldn't be worse timing and now I have to navigate Christmas.

I feel numb.

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
Saw BF at DS football yesterday. At the end when the kids and I left, BF came over and asked me some questions about kids. He started to cry when we walked off.

So I sent the letter last night. It said about rehab and what he could do it with my love and support. It also said about day visits and no overnights until I have reassurance that there are no drugs.

My brother has agreed to be IM again.

Couldn't be worse timing and now I have to navigate Christmas.

I feel numb.

Congratulations, the longest march starts with a single step :-)


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Originally Posted by living_well
Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
Saw BF at DS football yesterday. At the end when the kids and I left, BF came over and asked me some questions about kids. He started to cry when we walked off.

So I sent the letter last night. It said about rehab and what he could do it with my love and support. It also said about day visits and no overnights until I have reassurance that there are no drugs.

My brother has agreed to be IM again.

Couldn't be worse timing and now I have to navigate Christmas.

I feel numb.

Congratulations, the longest march starts with a single step :-)
Good job Coolbeginnings! One step at a time.

You will start to feel better when you stay dark.

Have you spoke to a solicitor yet?


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Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Thanks guys for support.

I am officially the worst Plan B person ever. This time though I hold out very little hope, and its more about protecting the children and I from the chaos than punishing him. Last time I was constantly looking for signs he cared when all it was really about was getting me to cave so he can come back without changing a thing.

My sleep has gone to pot, waking up in the night doing neurotic internet trolling trying to make sense of the situation (there the worse moments).

I am setting time aside with the children, locking away my phone, so I get quality time with them.

I honestly can't think of anything at the moment apart from navigating Christmas and getting through it. I haven't even got the kids presents sorted yet.

I have to start looking after myself diet ect... I have come up in hives all over my chest I definetly think its to do with the stress of it all.

Can't believe this has been going on a year. In reality it has been going on much longer than a year, with all his poor treatment.

I can actually say that I am relieved to see the back of him and maybe 2021 will give me a fresh start. I do see light at the end of the tunnel, just get me past Christmas!

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First request has come through from IM asking for joint Christmas presents and would DS like an Xbox and DD a playhouse?

NO

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That’s a great plan to get self care in order and plan out the fun things in the holidays with the kids. I’m really proud of you that you included the rehab in the plan b letter because he hasn’t been able to stay stopped yet.


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Feeling much better in Plan B. I am sleeping well, even enjoying life and feeling life is much better separated from him!

He was just so horrible to me, its like the mist has lifted, and any contact I just see as toxic. Like what is he going to say or do now to hurt me?

My IM hasn't said much, only that there have been a lot of requests but none that I need to see.

He dropped children off on Monday and gave them a coffee to give to me. He dropped DS off from football last night, and he tried to engage me in conversation and I just put my hand up smiled and walked inside.

I need to adjust the schedule so he does not come to the house at all. That is perfectly easy to do I can pick them up from his house. I can control the 'transaction' better that way.

Oh one thing, that shows how sick and twisted he is. Before we went into Plan B last week I mentioned that it would be nice to put Christmas decorations up outside our house. We have a beautiful house and would look so lovely decorated with lights. He said 'crack on then' and what would I want to put tacky decorations up for? I did that before when they were babies and we took them all down. Then a couple of days later he has decorated the outside of his house. I noticed as his house is right opposite DS school. He is just a horrible person. Its like he preys on any weakness or vulnerability. Why would I want to live the rest of my life with someone like that?

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It hurts today. I seem to be the only one out of all my girlfriends who is facing this.

BF has apparently asked for the children ‘whenever suits’ and has also asked if they can come to football in the morning as he is dressing up as Santa.

Errrr No.




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Realise that he has probably been using me all along so he can have access to the children when he wants???

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
It hurts today. I seem to be the only one out of all my girlfriends who is facing this.

BF has apparently asked for the children ‘whenever suits’ and has also asked if they can come to football in the morning as he is dressing up as Santa.

Errrr No.
Why don't you want to let him go to football? Is that not his time with the kids?


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Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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BF scheduled time is from 1230 tomorrow. He wants me to bring them in the morning at 850.

I feel bad not taking them but I really don’t want to have to see him.

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Dropped the kids off at his house. Ouch.

I parked down the side so he couldn’t see me coming sent the kids round the front, as soon as he opened the door sped off I drove off.

I hate this....all this because he won’t admit to the drugs/drink/rehab? Tonight is the first night he has slept under the same roof as DD.

IM told me he is not happy about me dropping kids at his house, he wants to drop them to me. He has refused to do this again. Why does that matter so much?

Last edited by Coolbeginnings; 12/19/20 08:16 AM.
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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
IM told me he is not happy about me dropping kids at his house, he wants to drop them to me. He has refused to do this again. Why does that matter so much?

Because in the past he has been able to manipulate the situation by using the drop off as a way to get back into your life without meeting any of your conditions.

Stick with the plan.

He refuses to do this again? Tough, he has no choice. I hope you changed your locks.


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I have changed the locks and it helps me sleep better at night. If he ever finds out he will go ballistic.

I know I shouldn’t laugh I just can’t help it, but the area where BF lives has moved to a Tier 4 total lockdown from tomorrow. This means he can’t even leave the house. That should make things easier 😜

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I honestly don’t know what’s happening to me. It’s like I am coming out of some sort of coma.

I actually feel soooo good. When I see him I actually feel a bit scared (of what he might say to trigger me) but he also looks like a pantomime villain too. How odd.

I also feel worry for the children being with him because of his moods/put downs/high expectations. They always come back ‘hyped’ it takes ages for them to calm back down.

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
I have changed the locks and it helps me sleep better at night. If he ever finds out he will go ballistic.

I changed the locks, made sure the children did not know so that nothing leaked back to him by accident. He arrived. I walked out to his car and quietly told him to leave. He jumped out snarling. I went back inside, locked the door and called the police. He also called the police from outside and said I had a gun. Police arrived, took one look at me and realised he was making it up. Asked me to prove I had the right to live there and I showed them a utility bill in my name. Separately they asked him the same question outside and of course he had no paperwork. They told him it was a civil matter and he had to go to the court to resolve it. He went to court, lost, appealed and they escorted him out at the end of a gun (another good story). I also added a very simple burglar alarm system on just the front door that triggered if he tried to get a locksmith to let him in. He never came back.

Never be afraid of a paper tiger.

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
I know I shouldn’t laugh I just can’t help it, but the area where BF lives has moved to a Tier 4 total lockdown from tomorrow. This means he can’t even leave the house. That should make things easier 😜

Yes it will. Use this interregnum to get your ducks in a row. See the solicitor. Ask for exclusive use of the house and all the other stuff. Throw the book at him. Either he will wake up or you will know that you did everything you could to save the relationship.


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Thank you Living Well.

I had to look up the expression Paper Tiger. I like that one.

So more shenanigans. The arrangements via IM were for me to pick children from BF house at 1230. When I got there no one was there. Spoke to IM it seems that he is insisting at dropping off children at mine. So when I got back they were already all there sat in the drive. I got out the car and walked straight into the house. He gave the kids a coffee to give to me, and started to try and talk to me but I just smiled and shut the door.

Then I find out from IM, that he has informed IM he is going to move to his work office as that way he will only be in Tier 2 not Tier 4 restrictions. There is no bed only a sofa there, definetly nowhere the children can sleep.

So help me, what is going on now? Can’t understand this logic. Unless he is lying and saying he is staying there so he can still come and go dropping children off here?

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Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
So more shenanigans. The arrangements via IM were for me to pick children from BF house at 1230. When I got there no one was there. Spoke to IM it seems that he is insisting at dropping off children at mine. So when I got back they were already all there sat in the drive. I got out the car and walked straight into the house. He gave the kids a coffee to give to me, and started to try and talk to me but I just smiled and shut the door.

Perfect, he will quickly get bored of that game.

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
Then I find out from IM, that he has informed IM he is going to move to his work office as that way he will only be in Tier 2 not Tier 4 restrictions. There is no bed only a sofa there, definetly nowhere the children can sleep.

Well that makes life easier. Children will get very bored at his office so he will not ask to see them.

Originally Posted by Coolbeginnings
So help me, what is going on now? Can’t understand this logic. Unless he is lying and saying he is staying there so he can still come and go dropping children off here?

Children know that they are to walk from the car?

You do need to see a solicitor to know what your rights are if he tries to force his way in. Best for you and the children would be supervised visitation only until he has dried out and has been clean for a full year. Also you need to get an occupation order so that you have exclusive use of the house. Get that in before he does.

Last edited by living_well; 12/20/20 01:58 PM.

3 adult children
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