Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#2778806 01/27/14 05:51 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 42
L
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 42
I have found evidence that my husband has been having an affair with one of his former co-workers. I was able to copy their text string spanning several months while he was away at school detailing meetings at her place where my husband went and stayed for the weekend. At this point, I am still unsure of whether or not I want to save the marriage but was wondering (they are both fairly high ranking officers) what type of damage that could do to either of them. I don't really want either of them to lose their jobs or rank (perhaps a little public exposure as I am thinking of exposing the affair) The OW happens to work in an IG office! pretty awful huh?

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Lillypenny
I have found evidence that my husband has been having an affair with one of his former co-workers. I was able to copy their text string spanning several months while he was away at school detailing meetings at her place where my husband went and stayed for the weekend. At this point, I am still unsure of whether or not I want to save the marriage but was wondering (they are both fairly high ranking officers) what type of damage that could do to either of them. I don't really want either of them to lose their jobs or rank (perhaps a little public exposure as I am thinking of exposing the affair) The OW happens to work in an IG office! pretty awful huh?

Absolutely, you should expose to the IG!!! Did you read the post written by a former IG officer on my exposure thread?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589
Originally Posted by Lillypenny
I have found evidence that my husband has been having an affair with one of his former co-workers. I was able to copy their text string spanning several months while he was away at school detailing meetings at her place where my husband went and stayed for the weekend. At this point, I am still unsure of whether or not I want to save the marriage but was wondering (they are both fairly high ranking officers) what type of damage that could do to either of them. I don't really want either of them to lose their jobs or rank (perhaps a little public exposure as I am thinking of exposing the affair) The OW happens to work in an IG office! pretty awful huh?

Please expose this affair to the IG directly. OW is not fit to work in this office. Please tell me that she is not the actual IG herself.

AM



BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 6
K
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
K
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 6
expose the affair, but if possible, ask moderate sanctions so they will not lose their job

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by karolinayu6u
expose the affair, but if possible, ask moderate sanctions so they will not lose their job

The affair, or any self destructive behavior should be exposed and they should be allowed to face the natural consequences of their actions.

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
In most cases, one of them NEEDS to lose one of their jobs in order to end the affair and save the marriage

Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 12
G
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
G
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 12
Are any of the people who replied to this actually in the military?

Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589
My husband and I retired as Colonels, after 28 years and 29 years, respectively. Why do you ask?

AM


BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by goofedit
Are any of the people who replied to this actually in the military?

Yes. Why?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 12
G
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
G
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 12
Thanks! Just wondering who is giving advice here since everyone thinks he is an authority when posting on the internet.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by goofedit
Thanks! Just wondering who is giving advice here since everyone thinks he is an authority when posting on the internet.

Thank you so much for signing up to set us all straight. crazy


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
I see by your chosen User name "goofedit" you are an authority on critiquing others posts on the internet?? rotflmao


Dday- Feb 1998
Recovered!!
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,956
Likes: 1
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,956
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by goofedit
Are any of the people who replied to this actually in the military?

Besides the fact that some posters here have been in the military, the terms of service require that posters offer guidance from a Marriage Builders perspective. Dr. Harley has had a lot of experience working with people in the military and has spoken at length with military chaplains regarding the challenges to military marriages. If someone does not post guidance from Dr. Harley's perspective, they are quickly called out and corrected.


Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010

Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 17
J
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
J
Joined: Sep 2016
Posts: 17
I am active duty navy, fraternization is against the UCMJ, as well as having sexual relations while married.

Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 4
S
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
S
Joined: Apr 2017
Posts: 4
I know this is old. However, I thought I'd throw in my 2cents as people frequently peruse these discussions. I am Retired Military with 20+ years of service (U.S. Military)

First of all, Yes, report infidelity. Be it your spouse, your neighbor, someone in uniform you don't even know. REPORT IT. Engaging in such behavior has an immediate negative effect on unit readiness, morale, and welfare. "Combat Effectiveness" is a real thing regarding any unit, and someone who's cheating IS IN FACT ENGAGED IN DAMAGING it. We're not talking about a shift crew at Home Depot or a Corporate subdivision. We're talking about people who go live and work in, or are expected to drop everything and go live and work, in combat zones. Combat Zones are not safe places, generally speaking. People in the military oftentimes simply can't drop what they're doing and go get counseling. They can't always immediately confront their WS. Think about it. Imagine living and working in a combat zone, doing a job that lives literally depend on.... and you're overcome with emotion because your WS back home decided to drop the infidelity bomb on you. OR you just suspect it. It's bad, very bad. This is why infidelity is, in general... very ~illegal~ in the military. Every military member in the DoD KNOWS THIS. If they claim otherwise, don't buy it... it's a lie.

But, probably best you don't go straight to the IG. The IG will work for you once you've reported the offender to his/her chain of command ~without results~. If you can't report to the chain of command (for obvious reasons), THEN the IG is your best place to go. It's sort of long and involved but, if the offender's chain of command hasn't been informed of the problem, the IG will simply dump it back TO the chain of command (by chain of command I mean... for example, your WS's commander, and that commander's commander... etc etc). In a perfect world, if you walk into your WS's commander's office and explain your spouse is cheating (especially with someone else in the same unit), those two will ~quickly~ be dealt with. The results may not be what you want per se, but it would be best for the unit. (Everyone in the DoD is very used to the phrase "the needs of the SERVICE (Army, Navy, etc) will take precedence".


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 101 guests, and 48 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Foolocracy, Gastelumattorney, Demonolatry, Jose E. Martin, Frank Pro
71,896 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Really Struggling
by BrainHurts - 11/15/24 03:48 PM
20 appointments and $1000’s later…
by IrishGreen - 10/30/24 06:20 PM
Happening again
by jah - 10/29/24 10:00 AM
I grounded my wife - am I proceeding correctly?
by Mature - 10/27/24 02:05 PM
How Do I Tell Him I Don’t Love the engagement ring
by BrainHurts - 10/22/24 09:30 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,615
Posts2,323,460
Members71,896
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2024, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5