It was set up that way because the OM job requires him to leave town a lot....so the week that he is in town he would be able to have the child from morning to night but no overnights and not more than 5 consecutive days.

Should I speak with our lawyer that has been working with us on this and tell them that they are not following the agreed upon order?

What she is doing is in no way helping us in the pending court case with OM.

When you say "our lawyer that has been working with us on this", can you please clarify that this is proper legal advice that you are paying for, and you're not just getting unpaid help from a friend who is a lawyer?

Do you really need to ask about speaking to your lawyer about the fact that he is breaking the court order?

But actually, while of course you must speak to your lawyer, the lawyer is not the one who has allowed the child to stay overnight away from his home for days at a time. That person is YOU. You had the means to stop that happening. What are you going to do about it now - today?

Don't you see that it is impossible for your wife to stay away from her newborn, and by allowing him to stay overnight with OM you've more or less guaranteed that she will stay there with him? You wife has some very questionable morals, but I can't see how even she could give away her new baby and not see him for one whole day, much less 5. She is aching for her little one all day, and there is no way she will leave him there all day and all night without seeing him.

It seems to me that this was a set-up from the start. The arrangement they have come to (which FAR exceeds the court order) is their way of guaranteeing that they can spend nights together - and with your blessing. I can't believe you have allowed this to happen.

Tell us more about your wife and this affair. When you say she started it "shortly" after your child was born, how shortly was that? Did your wife begin an affair when she had a tiny baby at home? How on earth did she manage to do that? Most new mothers can barely manage to find time to put on clean underwear each day, never mind take it off and have an affair.

You said they worked together. Did they work closely - in the same work space?

I wonder if you realise that this affair was going on before she had the first child. She did not have a child and only then, when it was tiny, did she start her affair with someone she worked with.

When you say that they do not work together any more, is that because she's given up to look after the children, or has one of them moved jobs? Is he still in the same workplace? Was he the same grade as her, or was one of the superior to the other?

How old is the youngest child?

When she started the affair our child was about 8 months old.
I recently had been moved to a new position at work that put my wife and I on opposite schedules.
we talked about this before I accepted the position and she agreed she would be okay with it even though we wouldnot be able to see much of each other on the weekends because with my new job I would be working weekends. So she started out telling me that she was going to hang out with her sister at night since I had to be to bed early anyway. I did not have a problem with it at first because she does not have a lot of friends. I felt it would be good for her to be able to have a night away once in a while to hang out with her sister......when in reality she would be going to see OM.......then came the covid lock downs we were both off work and she would still go to her sisters once a week.

I grew suspicious of this and she would send me pictures of her at her sisters...some weeks her sister would even ask me if I minded if she came over for the night so that eased my suspicion

Then once we got back to work my wife's work schedule was changed to where she was working 6 days a week she would have to go to work early in the morning by 6 am. She would leave the house early to go spend time with OM before I ever woke up. That's how the affair was kept secret.

They do not still work together she says they worked together briefly in the same workspace about 5 years ago but it wasn't for long. They still messaged every once in a while or sent funny memes online but that was the extent of their conatact...until one day the OM she said kept trying to get her to come to his house and hang out and she gave in and went...that's how the affair started she was leaving me at home with our child while she was out having an affair she blamed it on postpartum depression.

The youngest is 1 month old

Yes it is a lawyer we are paying for and I'm going to speak with them tomorrow and let them know just what exactly has been going on.

I'm also going to speak with a separate attorney about protecting my self and my child .

If she's tries to leave tonight I am going to demand that she follow the agreed order and have the child returned home. What she is doing is only hurting us more.

Any advice on how I can ease her mind on her thoughts that the child will hate her for what she has done?

That seems to be a large part in her keeping the affair going is the guilt of what she has done to this new little life .

...but she is not thinking about what destroying our family will do to our child and what it will ultimately do to both children when her affair relationship doesn't last. She knows that if I have stayed with her after all of this that she has done. that i am not going anywhere but I belive that the guilt she has for already destroying one child's life is whats keeping her in it

Never in a milion years anyone would let a 1 month old baby stay with its biological father for 5 days a week.

This is insanity, get solid legal counsel.

You need to get her on the phone speaking to Dr Harley.

Write to him tonight at the radio show, giving an outline of your case. You need to include the details that I have had to prise out of you by pulling out your fingernails, such as the affair started when your first child was 8 months old, he's an ex co-worker, he lives 20 minutes away, the pregnancy was planned, that you family knew the details but her family knew nothing, you know nothing about OM, what it says on the court order and what has happened in practice - that the child has been living there.

If you can get her to speak to Dr Harley he will persuade her like no-one else can. You said you started doing the MB programme together, so she knows who he is and must already be impressed by him. Tell her that he will explain the issue of the new child hating her for not staying with his father.

Don't tell her anything that sounds as if Dr Harley will tell her how wrong she is being and how she is hurting the family. Don't talk about wrong or hurt at all, as this will not endear her to speaking to him. Focus on telling her that he'll help you both understand how this can work.

He will help you understand. Keep pushing that message.

Did her sister know about the affair? Was she a willing alibi to keep it secret from you?

How is this going?

I can't believe that a judge decreed that a newborn baby should be taken from its mother for 5 consecutive days from morning to night. If your wife had made the slightest objection that would never have gone through. It's inhumane.

Is it by any chance something that OM insisted on and you gave into, in the same way you haven't fought a single thing in this affair? Does the judge even know about this stipulation, or is this an agreement drawn up between you and signed without the judge's knowledge?

I should clarify that Dr Harley would talk to your wife privately, without going on the radio show, if she would like that. Please do your best to make this happen.