Thank Blackhawk and living_well. I really appreciate it. I am sorry for the late reply. i have been thinking.

Great. I will contact Dr Harley. Radio? I will see. A little nervous.

The lawyers says there is no way she will get custody. He thinks we are a good position because WW is crazy and has been losing in court. The best case is I get sole custody. The worst case is that I lose custody. Since we are in trial these are the only options. Who knows, if the judge will give 50-50 custody.

I do not want to stall the divorce. I wanted it finished 3.5 years ago. Actually form day 1 I wanted it finished.

The legal road map is somehow clear:
1. Let her finish her testimony when the courts open.
2. My examines her. It will take 1 hour.
3. I testify for 1.5 hours
4. WW examines me.

Next: 5. Finances and house.

The process is interrupted by WW bringing lies and other things totaling the trial. I have told my lawyer to tell the judge what she is doing and that we need to wrap it up but he does not . Instead he and the children’s lawyer seems tone happy because they get money from a prolonged case. I am at the point where I just want to raise my hand and tell the judge that I have spent this much in legal fees, etc. and can you help us wra this case up. What do you think?

I will tell my lawyers my concerns. In fact I have told him many times but he ignores it saying it takes this long - some case have give for 100 days. He says our case is actually going well and fast.

I will write to the lawyer again and ask for the strategy. I am composing an email that will be more of a final ask.

The draft for the lawyer. Could you help me refine it? Too much emotions for me. After I will also ask the ex-divorce lawyer to look at it before I send it.

Hi Lawyer,


Can you re-explain your strategy? I am exhausted and need this to close. Please game it out for me so I am aware if the risks. Please execute and get it done as soon as the courts open. We go to court without strategy and WW has strategies and we just allow ourselves to follow and cannot sop her.

1. On our side there should be a clear legal road-map and an expected endpoint of any legal proceeding.
2. Nothing should be brought it up till she finished her testimony.
3. If she brings up anything please tell the judge that she has been doing this for ever and she has never finished her testimony she started 1.5 years. We have had enough. My clients has spent $360000.00 on legal fess and forensics and others included.
My concerns are:
1. Since we started working together you have kept saying if you want to get custody and finish the trial add another $20000. I have kept doing but we never are not getting to the end.
2. You have not been able to stop WWs frivolous tactics
3. You have not addressed to the judge that we need to get her to do finish the testimony though I have asked you many times.
4. You have not addressed to the judge that this has become expansive for me and I cannot afford to this anymore though I have asked you many times.
5. She is having fun saying she defeating you as lawyers and giving you a hard time.
6. She is staying at the house (4.5 years) not paying rent and you have not addressed it. I need the funds and I need to pay you.
7. She does not have a lawyer and is not paying legal fees.
8. Have her pay half the legal fees.
9. We deal with the house and after I have finished my testimony and I have been examined.

Please support me and address to the judge. HELP.
- For the next court session I want the session and you to specify pushing the court to come to a resolution. Please push for this because I cannot afford to lose any more penny. 
- I have never witnessed you challenge what WW is doing, WW’s tactics to the judge and call this to end.
- Is my money is going to the system or serving my best interests?

- The dragging of the case and her not finishing her testimony for 1.5 years is very grave and disturbing. Please stand up for this. It has got to a point where there is no care for the welfare of me and my children and my family. What am I going to do for the rest of my life?
- We cannot keep on going to court to defend, defend, defend, defend, defend and defend her lies. This is what we have been doing.
- As my lawyer I do not want to get to a point where I say all you have not done anything

- As of now I have lost $360 000 including fees for forensic, children's lawyer, computer forensics. I am not getting anything out of the house because the proceeds will be going to pay debt to banks and credits cards. In additionally I have lost an extra $750 000 in collateral damage.
- I have not had credit cards for the last 1 year.

- My credit score dropped massively. It is useless now. I have to build it.
- I need this case finished. I need to move on for my children and myself and not spend resources scrambling to prove she is lying.
- Let's end the sweet talk and finish it. Let's end entertaining WW’s tactics and finish. That is my ask and it is a simple ask.
So please help me.

Kind regards,

Last week the lawyer said if did not owe me funds we would have written a motion against WW because she refused to give health insurance info of our son who had chipped his tooth last week - an emergency. But we had previously agreed that I pay the bill after the house is sold. Should I tell him to file the motion and I will pay him after the house is sold as we had agreed months ago?

This is hard, I know. I have walked in your shoes.

Prioritise. That means custody above all else. You want full custody and child support. Don't get lost in the health insurance weeds. Make a list of the questions you want your lawyer to ask her at trial remembering that you never ask a question to which you do not already know the answer. Start simple, then trip her up. For example:

Q 'is this your handwriting' - A yes it is
Q 'would you care to explain to the court why you wrote this' . . .show a document that can be put into evidence that incriminates her. Remind her that perjury is a serious offence when she hesitates to answer.

Keep this up through all the issues you want the lawyer to bring up. 1-2-3-4 Everything should be typed up and ready for him with the linked documents. You will save a ton of money as well as keeping to the important stuff.

Do the same thing for your testimony. Keep that short and sweet. Pre-empt her by bringing up things she will try to pin on you so that they are already dealt with. Soon-to-be-ex will try to stretch it out. Discuss with your lawyer your plan to cut her off.

After custody you will do the finances. Have your full worksheet ready to go, written in the style the court expects to see. Your financial statement needs to address the division in a transparent way that is backed by documents. If you are missing documents, get them via subpoena now. That is not expensive and will prevent delays.

Your lawyer cannot 'tell the judge she is telling lies'. That goes nowhere because he cannot rule on that. You have to SHOW the lies in your cross examination. A judge can only rule on points of law. No matter how sorry he feels for you, there is nothing he can do unless you prove your case.

Excellent living_well. You just gave an amazing plan. I am on it. This is just amazing. I was meandering in the weeds. You also made me clearer to not stop using resources on the smaller things. I feel I have a plan now. Finally! Thank you so much.

Best of luck to you

Thank you.

I dream of my wife nearly every night. What does this mean?

We parted ways with my lawyer today in court. We had agreed that I will pay him after the divorce is done. Now he wants his money now. He realized I do not have any money now and that the house may not be sold, and has decided not to continue after having milked me. He dragged the case and never accomplish anything - additional $90k gone for nothing when he said it was going to take him $18k to finish the case. Anyways, lesson learnt that lawyers in this case just loved dragging the case to get money. Lots of money wasted, nothing accomplished.

Now that I cannot afford a lawyer, and ex-divorce lawyer who is now a director of family justice center advised me just go to court and present yourself, and the court will make a judgement one day since the case has been going for long - nearly 5 years and the next court date is in its 6th year. WW wants full custody and is staying in a $3700.00/month dupleix in our house for free for the last 6 years and I have never got any income from the income it generates through 2 tenants living there. My lawyer never addressed it.

Questions:
1. Any advice or thoughts? What next now?
2. How do you deal with lawyers who behave like this?
3. Can you write somewhere that the world or population knows that he is not a good lawyer and do not hire him?
4. can the court make her pay me the half the income from the past 5 years?
5. should I continue fighting or go for mediation?
6. should i get the house sold and and I get my half and I do not have to deal with her anymore on the house?
7. does it make sense to say she stays in the house for free till the kids are done with college and then we sell the house?
8. does it make sense to say she stays in the house for free till the kids are 18 and then we sell the house?
9. does it make sense to say she stays in the house for free till the kids are done with college and then we sell the house?
10. does it make sense to say she stays in the house while paying me half of the income or x dollars per month till the kids are done with college and then we sell the house?

You can represent yourself and at the same time get advice from your friend behind the scenes. Ask him your questions about the division of assets.

If you are pro-bono, you have nothing to lose by continuing to fight for full custody.

Remember that if ex wife is allowed to continue to live in the house after the divorce, you will not be able to prevent her from moving a boyfriend in. How do you feel about that?

Thank you living_well.

The director is not a friend and age is just too busy to reach. I will give it a try.

I will aggressively look for a pro bono lawyer also. I heard from a friend that when the lawyers know you have an asset (house in our case) they will not want to do probono.

I never thought about the boyfriend moving part. Ha, I feel dumb. Too much going on. Some people saying keep the house and do not sell as it will aopreciatecun value. Others say sell it and I do not have to deal with her.

I do not like a boyfriend moving in. I would not feel good about. Thank you for lw.

In summary I will
1. keep getting advice from the director whenever she can provide
2. Find a probono lawyer
3. Get the house sold

Sounds good?

Make a list of questions so that you have one conversation. Ask her when it is essential


Going pro se works too. Judges in NY are very gentle with pro se litigants, especially someone in your position.


Nobody here can know whether the house should be sold but you definitely do not want shared ownership. Either it is sold or one of you gets it with a refinance. Are you still fighting for custody?

Thank you so much lw. Your advice is just amazing.
I will make the list of questions.
I will go pro se.
On the house I wish I could buy her out. The judge does not want to out it in a trust and get it managed by it. It looks like the only options left are she buys me out or the house will be sold.
Yes, I am still fighting for custody.

Experts, It is 5 years now and the divorce is not finalized. The reason is that we have a brownstone and the lawyers/system were after this and are still after this. My wife, by dragging the divorce made me a prey for the predators.
My questions is 5 years and I have not dated anyone following the MB principle to date after divorce is finalized, I do not know if I should date or no anymore?

Do you have a date that the divorce will be finalized?

No. The judge is not doing anything about it. It just keeps going and going forever. Clearly this is stopping me from performing my work and do things. This is my main concern. I need to build my assets and I am chained.

How can I get the judge to close this divorce. I was advised by en ex-divorce lawyer who is now Director of Family Justice that if I ask this to the judge he will get an angry. She advice me not to do it.

If I remember you are in New York? My NY divorce took 5 years too. Eventually I got my decree by asking for Summary Judgement. The price I paid was that the assets were not divided and I am still waiting for that to happen 10 years later but I got my freedom. Never put your life on hold. You can only be chained if you allow yourself to be.

Compartmentalise the divorce and do your work. Slow makes this easier as you can do the legal stuff at the weekends.

And do what? Was she really saying that if you asked your judge to get the divorce finished s/he will...what? Ignore the law in your state and give all your assets to your wife, to spite you? Refuse ever to grant the divorce? What?

Do you live in a state that is governed by the rule of law, and by the application of judicial principles and precedents, or is there some state in the USA that I have not heard of, where judges have free rein to disregard the law and punish applicants at whim?

You have children that need a judicial ruling over their lives. You have assets that need to be divided. Divorce is legal where you live. Who is this judge that can simply refuse to deal with your divorce because you have a house between you? What divorcing couple doesn't have a house between them? And what legal system allows a judge to penalise someone for asking for the case to be closed?

This is one of the silliest things I have ever heard on this forum. 5 years in petition, money being poured down the drain, your own lawyer who does nothing about this, and another lawyer who tells you not to ask for the judge to make a judgement - in a simple divorce case?

What universe is this - and why are you letting this happen, for goodness sake?

Thank you for the advice. Great, I will put it all on weekends. Great abd brilliant advice. I am executing on it from the moment I read your reply. My mind has totally changed. Many people I met and talk to were saying you cannot do this and that unless your divorce is done - finish your divorce first.

Yes, I am in New York City.

All this time I have not been mostly given a chance to say anything with my lawyers not addressing them what I wanted them to address to the judge.

I was thinking that I should write all these items and submit as a motion. I was thinking that doing this before asking for a Summary judgement be cause the judge does not have facts from my side. What are your thoughts?

What does a summary judgement mean or entail? What was it for you? I googled then I got confused.

Do assets accumulated after separation date get divided? I am thinking they divide from date of marriage till separation. Would they divide what has been accumulated after separation. in my case the last 5 years. 491k, IRA, business, etc.

One thing is that she has been living in our house for the last 5 years not paying rent in the dupleix apartment she occupies. This apartment used to bring $3700.00 per month. and this comes to $222 000.00, which is what she has saved. My lawyers never addressed this to the judge. What should I do? Should I ask the judge in written format(motion) to get compensation on this 1, by asking her to pay half of my rent in all these 5 years and have it subtracted from her proceeds from the division of assets?

Thank you Sugarcane. She said the judges do not like it. She implied that he will rule in favor of WW for custody and then I have to pay child support. I live in NY but the system is very corrupt from what I have experienced.

I agree with you. I am thinking if writing to the judge as a motion and ask him to make a judgement. It will also be on record. The motion will have all the facts that my lawyers have not addressed too. What do you think? Our court date is March 1st and I cannot write before this date but I am thinking that I write to him.