My wife began having an affair six years ago. Over that period, we have discussed many things and tried to figure a way to continue the relationship. In the end, it always failed. During those attempts, I was the one pleading with her to come back and give it a try. However, 6 months ago, she came to me and said I "was the one" and that she wanted to make it work. A few weeks later I found out that she was still involved with the other man, even though she was "working on us." When I confronted her about it, she claimed she didn't have time for such an involved conversation. A couple of weeks later, I confronted her again. This time she said the issue wasn't her relationship with the other person, the real question is whether she thinks she is able to live with me in the future. Since then, she always comes up with a reason for why there's no time to talk. She has also become extremely verbally abusive toward me. In the previous attempts to reconcile, it felt like I was trying to coerce her into doing something. So I thought this attempt would be different because she initiated it. I was never a perfect husband (no, I never came close to cheating on her), and she was never a perfect wife (she had one previous brief affair during our marriage). We had our issues. But now, I have no idea what to do since she not only failed to leave him, but has become so bitter toward me that it's unbearable. We have two children who adore both of us. I don't want to hurt them. But I also know things can't stay the way they are. So what do I do?

Welcome to MB and sorry for what has brought you here.

How long have you been married? How old are your children?

Who is this OM? Does she continue to live with you while she is in the affair with the OM?

Have you exposed this to anyone? Have you read Surviving an Atfair?

Do you want to save this marriage?

We were married for 10 years exactly before the affair started. The children now are 15 (son) and 12 (daughter). The OM was actually someone I knew from my son's sports team. I was away for business when the affair started. We lived together through the affair for about 5 years. Then I partially moved out (we tried nesting) for about 6 months before she said came to me about it being just the two of us and wanting to work on rebuilding the marriage. I have never stopped wanting to save the marriage, but I am thinking it's getting to the point where I have to start reading the writing on the wall: 6 years of her not ending it and not wanting to directly address the affair (even though she has admitted to it and I have presented evidence of her most-recent transgressions). My sister and her husband know, and one or two of my friends. But in general, most people do not know of our marital strife.

Is he married?

You need a plan to kill the affair. It has been so entrenched for 6 years and that is a long time, but if you want to save your marriage you need to follow Dr. Harley’s plan.

Read Exposure 101 and come back and tell us your plan to expose.

What do your children know?

Also please read Exposing to Children

Will read it. The kids know nothing. Thanks.

Is the OM married?

No. He has two children from another relationship, but he never married the woman and they are not together. She actually contacted me at one point when she found photos of him and my wife to alert me to the fact that they were seeing each other (which I already knew).

Hi Sid,

Your wife's affair has continued for an unusually long time, apparently with your knowledge. Could you talk us through how you originally found out about the affair, and why you haven't either forced it to end, or split up?

Has your wife been openly seeing OM for all of this time?