Hi everyone I'm a 53-year-old divorced woman. I've read His Needs, Her Needs and Love Busters and have been listening to MB Radio for the past several weeks. I love the concepts and want to find a man who is compatible with me and wants to have a "Marriage Builders" marriage. I'm sure that you'll be hearing from me in the future with lots of questions. I am currently reading Buyers, Renters & Freeloaders. I was flabbergasted when Dr. Harley spoke about when he and Joyce were engaged. He said that Joyce dated another man during that time as a "last fling." Maybe he talks about it more later in the book? I don't know. But it just shocked me, and I really don't understand it. Any thoughts? Thanks in advance!

PickingFlowers:

Joyce was 14 and I was 15 when we had our first date, younger than most of our friends were when they start dating. She wanted was an open dating relationship where both of us could date each other and others as well. I wanted a "steady" relationship. So she would date me steadily until somebody else that she liked would ask her out, which was often. She was selective in who she dated, and didn't agree to date everyone who asked her. But when she "broke up" with me, it was never because she didn't want to date me. Rather, it was because she wanted to date someone who had asked her out, too. I consider it to be a normal and healthy attitude for girls her age. But then, when she said she agreed to marry me "some day," she didn't feel that it was a formal commitment until she had a ring on her finger. After our informal agreement, she went on a date to a party with one of her friends from school. She only dated him that one time, and told me about it. I got that ring as quickly as possible after that, and we were married shortly thereafter. Once formally engaged, Joyce has never gone out with any other man, even though she has had many opportunities to do so. She has been a loyal and trustworthy wife for the 58 years of our marriage, as I have been for her. There's nothing here to be flabbergasted about.

Dr. Harley

Thank you for the reply, Dr. Harley. I was thinking that you and Joyce were formally engaged and she went out with another man multiple times. But your explanation has cleared this up, and it makes much more sense. Thank you!