Today was the saddest day of my life! W and I went to my lawyers and drew up the divorce agreement. We were done in 45 mins.<BR>My l siad he would file them next week and it would take a week for the pension stuff to be worked out na dthen we would have the hearing not before 30 days but not longer than 90 days. We asked him to hold off so that hearing would be after the holidays.<P>Happy freakin holidays!

{{{{{{{{{{{{RWD}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I can't imagine what you feel!<BR>Hang in there! <BR>Mater

I am sorry and also scared...I am afraid this will be me in the millenium....I truly am sorry, we are decideing on doing nothing until after the holidays..it is awful as we are not mean but not nice either...we just are for the kids and the holidays...the kids are in lots of plays and Ballet stuff..ya know Nutcraker...<P>YOu have been through the most painful I hope and now you have a new and hopeful life ahead of you! Life is supposed to be full of hope and engaging with others with peace and empathy and receiving good stuff...you deserve all that...enough of the pain...there are good people around and don't close yourself off. You have survived a most horrible place, you have much to offer and learn. Life is good. I keep telling myself, I have to believe this... I keep learning too.

I agree<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{RWD}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I know this has got be the worst day of your life... just like your wedding day was the best.<P>I'm praying for you guy... alot...<BR>I'm sure you'd like to just lay down and die...<P>Don't die...<BR>Your kids need you...<BR>Even though your papers are signed... go into a divorce mode Plan B... This should be easier now... unfortunately.... <P>From your intuition... it may be that this Plan B is for just getting you to separate (not just physically)... but a full mental detachment... <P>You might be right that it is over... but if you don't 'ponder' over the what ifs... and go on with a meaningful life with your kids... you can do more than survive... you will live! <P>Give yourself time... just you!<P>Vent more... it is healthy...<BR>Post more... you'll get the emotional support you need...<P>You're loved man... by many, many people here! I'm not just saying words here...<P>You are loved! <P>Jim

RWD,<P>My sympathies to you. This is really sad for both you and your kids. <P>I agree with Jim/NSR. Please stay with us to get the emotional support you need through this most difficult and painful time. Also, he is right - you ARE LOVED here by each and every one of us. What a loss for your W...<P>Roll Me Away

Can't add much but my prayers and wishes for your sanity today...<P>Hugs <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Feeling better tonite.<BR>After meeting with the lawyer I went home and went back to bed and slept for an hour. Got up and gorged myself on some ice cream. Then called a counselor and talked to him for an half hour and then talked to my mother for an hour, went out for lunch nd then talked to one of my ministers for an hour. Finally got home at 3:00 for the kids.<P>They had things going on in evening and I went and played basketball for 2 hrs. That did me a world of good. Unfortunetly couldn't go out after the game as my daughter was home.<P>Got some more bad news this week. ONe of my best friends and over 500 people in the area I grew up in are losing their jobs at year end as all the coal mines in the area, which are owned by one company, are closing. My friend has 18.5 yrs in and needs 20 for a pension. The nearest coal mines are 1.5 hrs away. There aren't many other jobs in the area either and there will be slim pickens with 500+ guys looking for jobs.<P>At least I have my job, so far anyhow, last week they wacked a bunch of middle management types. Fortunetly, I'm a field guy so I should get spared.<P>Now I'm not sure what to do about the holidays. We were supposed to go to my inlaws for T-day, but I told her I wasn't going now. W told me I should reconsider it for the children, but I can't see faking it for the day plus have 1.5 hr ride each way with her. I think I'll just stay here and volunteer at the church. I don't think I can keep up a charade for that long.

Well, I for one will be here on Thanksgiving, so you can be sure you will be in the company of GREAT friends!!!<P>Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday (like Easter, too!). It is a time to reflect on the many BLESSINGS and JOYS in our lives -we ALL have them. Unfortunatley, saddness hits everyone's lives, too.<P>I know it will be hard for you during this awful time, but as best you can - try to keep focused on those blessings....<P>Roll me Away

RWD,<P>Sorry to hear you are one step closer to divorce. I will disagree with you that is it over. <P>I filed back in October. Papers will be ready to be signed mid January [90 days after petitioning]. If we both agree, final decree with be in around Valentines Day. I wonder if Hallmark makes a card for that! <P>It is NOT over in Pennsy until there are two signatures on that document. It's not over for me until Val looks me in the eye and tells me she does not love me anymore and wants to divorce. THEN ITS OVER.<P>Up to that point I will continue to live and if it comes down to divorce, nine chances out of ten, I will still wake up the next day.<P>Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? I don't think so!<P>Take care of you. Go to Plan B for you. It really works. <P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

{{{{{{{RWD}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>

Thanks all for your support!!!<P>I know I will survive, I do have a lot of friends, but what I miss is some one to have a special love for me. I guess I was mistaken in that I thought my w did have that for me up until May, now I don't know.<P>Medic. Germans-Pearl Harbor, forget get your on a roll !<BR>My w has said those words, at least twice, and now I am saying them.<P>As for Plan B, I don't know how possible it is with the kids. She just shows up when they call or when she makes plans with them. I really have no say so in the matter. I guess once the divorce is final, then that will help, but I have no plans on limiting her access to the kids.<P>She has called twice tonite to see how I'm doing. I told her about today and asked how she was doing. She was so upset that she went shopping today before work ! And guess what, she is going shopping tommorrow too and then to a concert with a friend(female). This divorce stuff has really laid her low!<P>But I can't care now, I just have to concentrate on me and the kids!

RWD and all others here,<P>Please don't take my feeble attempts at humor to belittle or downgrade the seriousness of our situations.<P>I just find it easier to be in a positive mood if I can smile more each day. <P>I read somewhere it takes like 3 million muscles to frown and be sad and only 5 to smile.<P>I mean no disrespect to anyone here. I'm sure that I would like to be here as much as you would. But, thank God for OUR support group.<P>If I wasn't such a d!ckhead the last 3 years, I would be sleeping like spoons with my dearest Valerie right now.<P>I only watch comedy movies right now because I really need to smile and laugh. We will ALL survive this!<P>FYI: Quote from Blutto, Animal House. re Germans, Pearl Harbor. RWD, I think you caught onto that one.<P>I'm rooting for ya, Pal.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Hey Medic,<P>Right now only you and the others on this provide me with any laughs. I still haven't been able to watch tv between the kids and being addicted to this forum!<P>Besides, my w says I'm kind od dour and I don't make her laugh. Thats one description of me I've never heard before! While I am a lousy joke teller, I do enjoy a laugh. It doesn't help much when you work at home and don't ee many people all week, so I never have any good jokes, so what is she going to do, divorce me ?<P>Oh, yea, she is !

RWD - I am very, very sorry, my friend, that it had to come to this for you, since I know you did your best to keep your marriage together. At least you have the satisfaction of knowing that you did everything you could to save it. Some things are just not humanly possible and don't seem meant to be. But I'll spare you the platitudes. I know how much pain you're going through now because I'm afraid I may be joining you before next year is out. They say misery loves company. Well, you've got plenty on this forum, that's for sure! Plenty of misery from similar situations, so plenty of company to love and be loved by.<P>One thing I would add. There IS life after divorce. I've been through this process before. And, while it wasn't fun (1st W and I started our legal separation just after New Years too). Once it was done, I found that I was a much happier man in the long run (at least until I met my current W!)<P>Regards, blessings, and best wishes,<P>--Wex

I would agree with Wex,<BR>there is life after divorce.<P>It is definitely different. Definitely. The weekends can be soooo lonely. <P>I think your social life has to really take some planning moreso- when you are divorced. And good to start new traditions for you and the kids. <P>I loved to get the kids up early on Sat morning, and we worked as a team to get all the work done. Cranked up the music, and just whistled and worked. Rewarded them on Sat. nights at the stock car races. It was great.<P>And we never missed Sunday School and Church, and we always did something after church. I loved my time with my kids sooo much while divorced. Still do, but they are so much older now.<P>Holidays changed... I had to be flexible. I had to find other people to do things with on holidays. Non-traditional things. Like a trip to Mexico with other single friends... or find a single friend to go to brunch with. <P>It is definitely a new experience, but you may make more memories that are treasured being single than you will remember being married. I did. I know I can get through it again if I need to. <P>It is hard, but you can do this. We are rooting for you.<P>God Bless,<BR>TNT

Wex, TNT,<BR>Thanks alot. I am feeling better today as I worked all day around the house, made green bean casarol(sp) for my son's football banquet tonite and cleaned up all the leaves .I really accomplished alot today.<P>My stbx went shopping today and then went to an Avalon concert(she took the day off to go to this!) But I don't really care anymore. Yes it hurts nowing she did "fun" thing all day but I spent time with the kids. She didn't even she them today. She called around 3:00 but I don't know if anybody was in the house then. That is HER LOSS. Tommorrow she works so I don't know if she will see them then either. She may stop before work, as she works about a mile away.She maybe able to squeeze them in her busy schedule of shopping and doing NOTHING!<P>Again, that's HER PROBLEM!!!!