Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by Hepa
Yes, that was me, Pam the second segment, sorry for being imprecise.

What have you done to confirm there is no affair?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Nov 2021
Posts: 12
H
Hepa Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
H
Joined: Nov 2021
Posts: 12
I am home all the time, for the past two years I have not been anywhere without my spouse other than picking up kids or going out with them. My computer and cell phone are always available to look into, I am not sure how else to confirm I am not doing anything behind his back.

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by Hepa
I am home all the time, for the past two years I have not been anywhere without my spouse other than picking up kids or going out with them. My computer and cell phone are always available to look into, I am not sure how else to confirm I am not doing anything behind his back.
I was asking what have you done to confirm that your H isn’t having an affair?

Dr. Harley stated in your radio show that you need to confirm that your H isn’t having an affair.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Nov 2021
Posts: 12
H
Hepa Offline OP
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
H
Joined: Nov 2021
Posts: 12
The same, we are literaly under one roof all the time, we don't spend any time apart, I have access to his e-mail and phone, it is simply impossible given our lifestyle.

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,527
Likes: 9
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,527
Likes: 9
I think that Dr Harley said that if you were able to convince him that an affair isn't possible, because you are with him all the time and have access to his devices, then his other suggestion was that your husband might not have been in love with you when the affair came to light. The affair would have given him an "out", as it were.

The thing is, Dr Harley didn't know why your husband wasn't responding at the time that you wrote, but he said that there was something odd about him. He said that if the wife works as hard on recovery as you have done, when a man decides to stay in the marriage he does not keep resisting. There had to be a reason why your husband was behaving so unusually after that length of time.

You've said that you have been doing much better than you were when you wrote to Dr Harley last year, so your husband's recent withdrawal is even more puzzling. I thought there must be something behind it, hence my suggestion of his being triggered by your job or your housing situation.

We don't know what it is, but there is a reason. I urge you to write to Dr Harley again, remind him of the date of your radio show, and update him. He will keep in contact with you and help you get to the bottom of this.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,433
Likes: 4
I agree with SugarCane, please write Dr. Harley again and please let us know what he says.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Page 2 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,079 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5