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Wdime23 Offline OP
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Hello everyone,
I really need some advice on what I should do about my wife's affair. Ok so 6 years ago me and my wife were engaged and in January 2015 she came to me and confessed about an affair she had with a co worker. She is a supervisor and this other guy was one of her employees. Now at first she told me 3 different stories on what happened, then she sat me down one day and say ok I'm gonna tell you the truth. So the story she told me was it was just a 4 month emotional affair that got physical one night she went out with her girlfriends. She left her girlfriends and went to his house. She said it got real intense and physical, I specifically asked her did you have sex with him. And her answer was it kind of felt like it he was rubbing partially sticking it in. She never said actually yes he penetrated me. Anyway she said once that night happened she felt really bad and ended it. I asked her were there any other days before that night where they got physical and she said no. She said there was one other instance in his car but it was just caressing of hair. Now from the story she told me I took time to decide whether to stay and I ended up staying. She cried and begged me not to leave her and she was so sorry. a Year later we got married.

Now ever since then I have never felt closure from it. After a few months she refused to talk about it anymore and said we have to move forward and forget the past. Well recently a friend of mine emailed me. He wouldn't tell me his name but he said he is very close friend of mine. He emailed me 4 different videos from a porn site of what he says is my wife having sex with someone. He told me he was just on the porn site to get his jerks off but came across the videos and was shocked to see her on them. It was obviously from the guy at work she had an affair with. My friend said he was shocked and felt he had to tell me.

I am kind of devastated because now I just know she told me a straight up lie about the affair. In one of the videos she is in the back seat of his car. I really don't know what to do. Should I confront her about these videos or just leave it alone. It seems they were having sex multiple times for who knows how long. I don't believe any of the story she told me now. I don't understand why a women would confess about an affair and then lie about the story. If she would have told me the truth I would of left her and never married her. Please help me guys I don't know what to do

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Originally Posted by Wdime23
Hello everyone,
I really need some advice on what I should do about my wife's affair. Ok so 6 years ago me and my wife were engaged and in January 2015 she came to me and confessed about an affair she had with a co worker. She is a supervisor and this other guy was one of her employees. Now at first she told me 3 different stories on what happened, then she sat me down one day and say ok I'm gonna tell you the truth. So the story she told me was it was just a 4 month emotional affair that got physical one night she went out with her girlfriends. She left her girlfriends and went to his house. She said it got real intense and physical, I specifically asked her did you have sex with him. And her answer was it kind of felt like it he was rubbing partially sticking it in. She never said actually yes he penetrated me. Anyway she said once that night happened she felt really bad and ended it. I asked her were there any other days before that night where they got physical and she said no. She said there was one other instance in his car but it was just caressing of hair. Now from the story she told me I took time to decide whether to stay and I ended up staying. She cried and begged me not to leave her and she was so sorry. a Year later we got married.

Now ever since then I have never felt closure from it. After a few months she refused to talk about it anymore and said we have to move forward and forget the past. Well recently a friend of mine emailed me. He wouldn't tell me his name but he said he is very close friend of mine. He emailed me 4 different videos from a porn site of what he says is my wife having sex with someone. He told me he was just on the porn site to get his jerks off but came across the videos and was shocked to see her on them. It was obviously from the guy at work she had an affair with. My friend said he was shocked and felt he had to tell me.

I am kind of devastated because now I just know she told me a straight up lie about the affair. In one of the videos she is in the back seat of his car. I really don't know what to do. Should I confront her about these videos or just leave it alone. It seems they were having sex multiple times for who knows how long. I don't believe any of the story she told me now. I don't understand why a women would confess about an affair and then lie about the story. If she would have told me the truth I would of left her and never married her. Please help me guys I don't know what to do

Welcome to MB.

Just a few questions for clarity.

This happened while you were engaged/dating, but before you were married?

Does she still work with this guy?

Have you seen the videos? Do you know for sure that they are of her?

How long have you been married? Do you have any children?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Wdime23 Offline OP
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Hello yes we were engaged and yes she still works with him. I have seen the videos she has her back turned but I know her sounds and her hair. We got married in 2015

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Wdime23 Offline OP
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We have 2 boys 11 and 13

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Welcome to MB.

Originally Posted by Wdime23
We have 2 boys 11 and 13
How are these boys so much older than your marriage? Are they the children of both of you?


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Yes they are both of ours we had kids before getting married

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Originally Posted by Wdime23
Hello yes we were engaged and yes she still works with him. I have seen the videos she has her back turned but I know her sounds and her hair. We got married in 2015
What makes you think the images are from 2015? Is there any chance they could be contemporary? If not, why not?

If she still works with him, the chances are that they have been engaged in an affair during the marriage, and are still at it. You need to find out what kind of relationship they have now.

By the way, if these videos were posted without her consent, that would be against the law in many places. I can't see why she would have consented to the postings, given the risk of your finding out.


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Originally Posted by Wdime23
Yes they are both of ours we had kids before getting married
So there is a back story about why you had kids and waited so long to get married, and why, at the point of getting married after all that time, she then was unfaithful.

Why did you wait so long to get married, and why did you go through with the wedding after what you found out? Didn't you think that her unfaithfulness said something about the state of your relationship?

Was she enthusiastic about marriage at that point?


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Wdime23 Offline OP
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I don’t think she knew her back was turned and he had his phone out

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Yes she was enthusiastic she begged me for forgiveness and asked for us to be married. She said she made a mistake and they both regret it. She has apologized over and over

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I’m not sure when they were made but I am assuming from back then. Since then I have gps her looked at who she text because she is on my phone line. Nothing else with him

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Originally Posted by Wdime23
I’m not sure when they were made but I am assuming from back then. Since then I have gps her looked at who she text because she is on my phone line. Nothing else with him

How do you know there isn't anything with him? They were able to carry on the affair while they worked together. Do you have spyware on all her devices?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Wdime23 Offline OP
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I have access to all her social media, text and gps following

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Originally Posted by Wdime23
I have access to all her social media, text and gps following
Does she go into the office? Why would she need to use her phone or social media if they can just communicate at work?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Wdime23 Offline OP
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Yes that’s what I don’t know she does go into the office. So should I confront her about the videos?

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Originally Posted by Wdime23
Yes that’s what I don’t know she does go into the office. So should I confront her about the videos?
Once you confront her about the videos you will tip your hand that you are suspicious about any possible affair continuing today, and she will make sure that you do not find anything out if there is anything to find.

I think that you need to assume that a current affair is in place, and find out how it takes place. It's just too unlikely that the affair ended after they continued to work together. Those videos are not from back then; they are recent.


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Wdime23 Offline OP
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But I’m telling you I have been tracking everything of her since then. She doesn’t go out with her friends alone anymore. I am always with her. And if she does go alone I have tracked her gps location and have drove to that spot and she has been with her girlfriend like she said. Idk I hear you. I’m so confused

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Originally Posted by Wdime23
But I’m telling you I have been tracking everything of her since then. She doesn’t go out with her friends alone anymore. I am always with her. And if she does go alone I have tracked her gps location and have drove to that spot and she has been with her girlfriend like she said. Idk I hear you. I’m so confused
Why would you have done that? That's an unusual thing to do. What was her response to having you turn up? She must have realised you were tracking her. What did she say about that?

Why were you tracking her anyway? You must have been suspicious that the affair was continuing. You've been tracking her for 6 years and have found her to be honest about what she says she does with her time, so why are you still tracking her?


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She didn’t and still doesn’t know I am tracking. I do it because she still works with him so i don’t trust 100%

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She does not have to go out alone if she's having an affair at work - and that would explain why your tracking has not turned up anything.

You need to hire a PI to see what she does when she is supposed to be working.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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