*Dr. Harley. Sorry for the typos.

Please focus on what is legally the smartest thing to do.

Do you have your evidence of her financial wrongdoings well organised and presentable?

Yes, I do have.

Update: We have settled for joint legal and physical custody(50/50). Judge forced us to make settlement with the children's lawyer.

It seems the judge did not want to make the decision for fear of an appeal especially after he supported the scam lawyer who represented and duped me.

WW wanted this 50/50 joint settlement to protect herself from all the bad things she had done in the last 6.5 years which made her not deserve full custody. If it had been me(as a minority male) who had done these things I certainly would have lost custody.

As for me I am a minority male and that certainly does not help and has proven not to help.

Next steps:
1. The judge asked us to come up with a decision on what we wanted to do with the house.
2. I am planning to expose about the funds she took this Monday. I have drafted the exposure but it is long. I could not find a lawyer to receive the funds from her relatives she the funds to in escrow. Children's lawyer said she is not authorized. I cannot figure out the freeze in situ. So, I do not know where I should say they should sent the funds to.

That is generally the best for children. You can always quietly spend more time with them if that is what they wish, just don't bring attention to it so that they do not become a battle ground.


Can't imagine how that would make any difference to anything. Courts tend to favour mothers which is a pity as fathers make great single parents especially for boys.


So judge is asking you to come up with a proposal. Always ask for a bit more than you would be happy to settle for.


Not sure I understand this. Do you have a judgment against her for the money? Unless you have a judgement or the person holding the funds is willing to hand over the money, you will not be able to either escrow or freeze it. I don't think you can do this without legal help. Your local Bar Association should be able to help you find someone who will either work pro bono or cheaply and those lawyers are generally very honest.

In addition, if the money is overseas, you will need to get local legal help to enforce the judgement which will involve knowing exactly where the money now is (bank and account number).

Thank you so much re: about custody.

Thanks, good to know about male/female and that it has nothing to do with being a minority.

I had not thought about this. I will will say 60% of the house proceeds because she has been staying there for free. What she would have paid as rent would have been $320k. What do you think?

I do not have a judgement. the perkins are not willing to give back the money. I will seek legal help through BAR and look for any other proper channels. The money is in the USA.

Your custody result is close to ideal; no payments mean no conflicts.



If she is living there now and the house cannot be divided, it will need to be sold. Then ask for the amount of 'free' rent to be deducted from the proceeds before dividing the remainder amount 50:50. You don't want to own 60% of the house your ex wife is living in, that would be a terrible mess. She would owe you rent that she would never pay.


The fact that the money is in the US is very helpful. Find a lawyer through your local Bar - you are in NYC if I recall and they are excellent. In the meantime pull together all the records you have that show the movement of money out of marital savings and where it went. You will probably need to subpoena destination bank records, that is not expensive but if the money is in another state you may need a local lawyer.

I am not sure about the payments. The children's lawyer said that has not been dealt with and it will be dealt with as part of assets. assets is what is left. it looks like one if us has to pay child support.


She wants to sell the house. Dividing the house will be hard consider how this divorce has been very acrimonious not that actually a good idea. I do not think she will want to divide considering how she has treated me.

Fantastic idea to ask the free rent from proceeds before division. I will be on it.


The money is in another state. Do I subpoena a bank or the brother and hiw wife(the receipients)? About 2.5 years ago my previous lawyer subpoenaed WW's brother and his wife. They did not respond which means they do not want to return the money back. Thecbrither even write to me saying I should not send him any more subpoenas but I have the records that they received the funds. I will still subpoena them anyway if that is what I have to do. That said I was thinking that I expose WW, her brother and wife - the later two are partners in crime with WW. Who should be the exposure targets? The exposure targets I had in mind are:
1. Friends and family of the brother and his wife.
2. Her friends and family of WW
3. the company her brother works for
4. the company her brother's wife works for
5. the company(and HR) WW works for
6. Letter asking her brother and wife to return the funds. 

What do you think?

...in addition since the brother and wife have collaborated on this "crime" should I worry that exppaing them would ruin any chance of them and me having a relationship(salvaging? They have destroyed my relationship with them by their action. Would they 3ven see that WW did the wrong thing? Maybe they even split the money.

If I recall, Dr Harley said you should expose what she did. No need to expose to them because they already know what they did. Expose to the rest of the family - her parents for example and anyone else who you think she might listen to.

But stick to the facts. On xxxxxx date my wife filed for divorce triggering automatic orders which prohibited any movement of funds whether separate or marital. On xxxx date she moved $xxxxx dollars from our account xxxxx to that of her brother and his wife (as much detail as you can of amounts and dates) violating the automatic orders of the court.

I would like your help in making her reverse this action which is hurting me and our children and which ultimately will hurt her too when the judge issues a contempt order against her.

By the way, there is no crime. Her offence is civil not criminal. Stick to the facts, don't get bogged down.

Living_well - thank you, thank you! Brilliant! I willl get to it ASAP.

I finally exposed about the money this weekend(Saturday morning). I used Yamm with Gmail to send email at once. It personalizes it. No response from her friends and family. I have not heard from her, her brother or his wife. I exposed to some from my side. Quiet. Only a few people replied. They said what she did was bad and that this gave a clear picture of what she did. 2 people said mpove on. Some said they will reach out to her. People ask other questions And do not focus on what is on the ask. A little bit annoying. I had to educate some. They all mean well.

I actualy feel great. I am a little concerned about the silence. It would be interesting to hear from her.

Exposure is great!

That’s awesome to get that clarity out there to replace the obfuscation. I’m glad some folks were brave enough to reach back out to support you.

Great work!

Thank you. Kids told me she was upset all weekend. This is the result of the exposure.

Better for her to get used to the truth being out there now than to fear when would it come out. Folks would judge her more harshly keeping this a secret for many many years. Or once your kids were grown wonder if your girls knew and taint them with that too. Your honesty was by far best for everyone so you and your kids can get the support you need and heal.

Thank you very much. Exposure is magic. It is working.

Do you mind expounding on this. I could not put the pieces together.

Thank you living_well, Brainhurts, goody2shoes and all. Thank you all. I just want to thank you all for helping me go through the exposure. Scary as hell at the beginning. Once I hit the first send button I felt such a relief in my whole body. Since exposure I feel very good My body, mind and spirit feel great. I feel healing for the first time since separation.

Thank you living_well. You are a magician! The letter you composed was so effective. I do not know how to thank you. Thank you for inspiring me to keep at the exposure.

You’re very welcome. I’m so glad that you’re seeing the positive effects from it.

Dr. Harley makes it clear that is never about revenge, but mostly to get the support for the BS and of course bringing the truth to light.

I mean it is good you got it all out in the open now. The kids said their Mom was upset this weekend. Better to come to terms with it now. If it came to light decades later people may wonder when your kids found out. Or your kids could find out and worry how to talk to you about it. Now it it all in the open already.

Thank you. I uunderstand now.