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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 280
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Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 280 |
I am not Dr. Harley of course and you should surely carry on your conversation with him and ask him directly. It is great he is supporting you directly.
But i can say that Dr. Harley has regularly been skeptical of 'therapy' that revisits past traumatic experiences. Why bring the past into the present? These experiences are a red herring and not the problem. They did not impact your marriage before the affair, did they?
The problem is the affair and not what happened in her childhood or in previous marriages. Please ask Dr. Harley his position and share with us if you are willing.
Me: BH
Marriage: 25 years
2 kids
D-Day 5 Sept 2011
EA w OM started Fall 2010, PA w OM Spring 2011, OM died end Sept 2011
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Joined: Feb 2023
Posts: 29
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OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2023
Posts: 29 |
Update:
We have started marriage counselling with Dr. Harley. My wife is cooperating and completing the questionnaires. The tension between us is gone. The kids make sure that we give each other space. My wife is now on anti-depressants... yet she still has not deleted the contact number and sent a NC message that she promised 10 days ago. My kids might start to pressure her now and I hope once the questionnaires are completed, counselling with Dr. Harley will make her realise to do this step for our relationship. I have not sent the divorce petition. I have released all controls and feel good whatever the outcome it. I will try to follow Dr. Harley advice... continue with no love busters and try to meet her needs as best as possible. It helps that the kids know - they are a strong dragging/pulling force.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,470 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,470 Likes: 4 |
Is this with Dr. Harley or his son Steve Harley that you are meeting with?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Feb 2023
Posts: 29
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2023
Posts: 29 |
Is this with Dr. Harley or his son Steve Harley that you are meeting with? With Dr. Harley.... still waiting for my wife to complete all questionnaires... she seems cooperative but not overly excited.
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