This is a deep situation. My Former friend and the soon-to-be stepmother have/had high level prosecutor jobs.


One of my Former best friends since childhood was married to a police officer and they had one daughter together. My former friend was an Assistant Prosecutor for the county that we reside in.


5 years ago while she was on a trip with her husband, she meets this woman (Who is a prosecutor herself, but a higher level prosecutor than my friend.) My friend becomes good friends with this woman as they keep in touch overtime.


This woman relocated to the offices in our city for her job.



28 months ago, my former friend found out that her now ex-husband has been having a long-term affair with that woman. They divorced 2 years ago.


My former friend told me that her now ex-husband had actually played a key role in that woman relocating to our state and city.


My former friend lost her job as an Assistant Prosecutor because she has been mentally unstable and been abusing drugs after the knowledge of her husband's infidelity. I honestly think her issues arose way before she discovered that her husband and her best friend were lovers.



How my former friend found out that this former friend of hers was having an affair with her husband was this, this is what she had told me:

She came home from the Prosecutor's Office and found her former Federal Prosecutor Friend sitting completely naked and straddling her husband as they were talking about her daughter and their lives together,

She told me that before she opened the bedroom door, she heard her former friend and her husband discussing how he is going to file for a divorce and how they should get married and get custody of the girl.

My former friend told me that she barged in and confronted both of them on the affair and what they were discussing. Apparently, the Federal Prosecutor got up, got dressed, and those two had a heated argument, the Federal Prosecutor told my former friend that she is the mother that the daughter will know while she grows up.



What I should have mentioned was that, my former friend told me when she caught them fooling around on her bed, she told me that she confronted the woman on betraying her confidences to her ex-husband with her ex-husband in the bedroom, after she confronted that woman, that woman was smirking a little, biting her lip, and glancing back and forth flirtatiously with her ex-husband with both of them eventually looking at her.

My former friend's substance abuse issues had actually started 2 months before the discovery of the affair, but she had one other major issue at the time.


Her ex-husband and that woman are about to get married and she intends on legally adopting my former friend's daughter. Since her ex-husband is a police officer and the fact that she has been abusing substances, her ex-husband received full custody of their daughter.

I am actually on the side of my former friend's ex-husband and his soon-to-be wife and the future legal mother of his daughter. I spoke to that woman and asked why she feels it is necessary to become the permanent legal mother of my former friend's daughter and she told me straight off that my former friend is a ****ty mother who is reckless and that the daughter should live with two loving parents in a stable home. She also told me that she had miscarried when she was pregnant with a daughter in a previous relationship and is hoping to become the mother by way of stepmother adoption. While my former friend was going through that intense custody battle, I had actually written and spoken to the court system about how my former friend is unfit to have legal custody of her daughter and that her ex-husband and his soon-to-be wife are better suited to have full custody.

I suggested to her ex-husband and that woman that after they get married, the ex-husband needs to file paperwork to have my former friend's parental rights terminated and after it gets terminated, I strongly advised that woman (since she is a Federal Prosecutor) to hire an Adoption Attorney and begin the process of legally becoming the mom of my former friend's daughter.

My former friend should not under any circumstances should not have custody of their daughter.

I should also note that my former friend's daughter is only 3.5 years old.

They divorced 2 years ago, both her ex-husband and his soon-to-be wife have had custody of the daughter for the last 20 months. This woman has raised my former friend's daughter for overt half of her life and the daughter refers to her as her mother.

This woman lost her daughter in a miscarriage and is getting a second chance at having a daughter. I personally think it is lovely that she intends on legally adopting her.

My former friend has constantly contacted her ex-husband and that woman to try and see her daughter, but that woman already went ahead and filed a No Contact Order on my friend for harassment. That has been in affect for over a year.

This is why I believe that it is critical for them to start the process of parental termination immediately and then have her begin the official adoption process.

Making this official is critical for them.

Whose side are you on?

It sounds like you are seeking validation for your own behaviors in this emotional quadrangle with your question of "Whose side are you on?"

From my understanding, here are the facts as you have relayed them - I am calling it as you have told it with the 'fluff' filtered out as I see it based solely on what you have written and reframe your statements as follows:

1. The soon to be re-married ex-husband, a police officer, is an adulterous cheater and has committed infidelity on his ex-wife. Please keep in mind, past behaviors are often indicators of future behaviors, unless there is a willingness to change. He is likely to cheat again, as 'once a cheater, always a cheater'.

2. The ex-wife, your 'former' best friend, has substance abuse issues and has been labelled 'mentally unstable' and has been found to be an unfit mother, in part through your sworn & written testimony. The prospect of her losing her child forever has likely contributed to her spiraling out of control.

3. The soon to be newly married woman, the federal prosecutor, but her womb is apparently barren and cannot have a child. This woman apparently wants to become a mother at any cost and is willing to exploit the legal system with her knowledge of it to adopt a baby whose biological mother is not wanting to give up her baby for adoption. This woman sees an opportunity to become a mother even though she cannot have children of her own. She apparently deliberately seduced the police officer, as she was in control by "sitting completely naked and straddling her husband" [female superior]. She too is an adulterous cheater, by your account, and like the police officer, 'once a cheater, always a cheater'.

4. Then there is you, Aaron... Where do you fit in here? Why are you so interested in this relationship to post about it on the Internet for all to see? Why did you abandon your "Former best friends since childhood" when she obviously needed help and a friend in her time of need? Why did you become the police officer's and federal prosecutor's 'flying monkey' against your former best friend? What did your former best friend do to you to make you abandon her? Who is driving the 'adoption process'? Why is it so important to that person?

5. The child, who is now 3.5 yo, will not remember who its birth mother is if this happens. The child is the only innocent party in this situation, and is the 'pawn' of this dynamic. It is unknown if the birth mother is seeking and obtaining treatment for her issues since you did not mention any reference to this. If she is, then it is fair to allow the child to have a relationship with her birth mother even if it is highly supervised initially. However, if the birth mother, refuses to get treatment, continues to use substances, and there is no indication she has any desire to work on her own issues, that is a different story. If you were truly best friends with the birth mother at one point in time - you need to do some serious soul searching, as a relationship with her 'baby' for many women in this scenario, is the ONLY thing that can serve as motivation for them to get better and to overcome their own personal demons that they are dealing with. Are you willing to continue to enable doing this knowing what I just told you?

While I am tempted to pass judgement, I will not pass any disrespectful judgments; however, I am holding up an emotional mirror and reflecting back your statements from a different perspective so you can see what is actually going on. I have also asked you several thought provoking questions towards you, as you are the one here posting. I am not going to validate your behaviors, instead I am asking several thought provoking questions on why you are here.

IMHO, all four adults in this scenario should seek out individual therapy for their roles here, even though, I strongly suspect only you and your former best friend would consider this.

I do have one more hypothetical question -- is this federal prosecutor flirting with you? If so, RUN!!!!

Can you send your former friend over here?

Sailor I agree. The courts usually look to reunite children and parents unless there is abuse, which was not mentioned as a factor here. Children have a right to their parents. It’s about the children’s rights first and the parents next. It is not this little girl’s responsibility to make the woman with miscarriage’s dreams come true at the expense of a relationship with her own mother.

I get disrespected by my former friend's parents and both of her sisters for going against her in the custody hearing. I'm not going to cover for someone who is not properly doing his/her job as a parent and is focused her attention on narcotics.

There are some issues that I did not want to list on there.

It should always be focused on the best interests of the child.

Buckeye Grad,

Thank you for clarifying the missing piece of the puzzle. I agree the rights of the children must absolutely come first, and what is ultimately the best for the child should trump all other actions.

Someone whose focus is on narcotics, will often not even show up for court as I can attest to as I am familiar with two such cases personally, one is my auto mechanic whom I consider an acquaintance whose brother and his wife are users. The other case are friends from church who are foster parents and are fighting for adoption of two children who have been placed in foster care due to their bio-parents drug use.

In both cases I just mentioned, both sets of parents are users, and missed court appearances, so they have lost their children (2 in each situation, 4 total). In each of these situations the children are much better off; however, they each need extensive therapy and are a few years older than the 3.5 yo in your situation. In both of these situations, both of the parents abandoned their parental and fiduciary responsibilities towards their biological children, and lost them as a result. The difference between them is one set of children have been placed with the brother, the other not.

In the cases I just mentioned, it is a clear cut case of physical and legal abandonment; however, when the woman, is active in wanting to keep their child; however, she has a mental illness of substance abuse disorder, this is where the moral, and legal aspects get murky, which I can only assume is the case here; hence, the reason you may be asking for additional validation of your actions in support of the police officer and federal prosecutor which have their own set of moral issues to contend with of adultery.

Addiction is a mental health issue. While the drug user should not be treated leniently and given a free pass to use without consequences. A drug user should be held accountable for their actions, especially if it endangers the welfare of a child.

If the bio-mom who uses narcotics is an active user and is making no effort to stop using, then I would agree with you, provided that there are no other unspoken extenuating circumstances such as the FOO's (family of origin) interests. However, if the bio-mom is in a rehab program, and has been sober even for a short time, then the courts should allow supervised visits provided that she continues to comply with the terms that the court has set forth with no special consideration that both of the would be adoptive parents due to their career paths in law enforcement with their insider knowledge and contacts as there may be a 'conflict of interest'.

Also, if your former friend is sober, please encourage her to get additional help, from her sisters and her parents. Also, are any of them willing to take care of the child? If so, that even complicates matters even more. Also, I agree with goody2shoes and send your former friend here, especially if she is sober.

There are too many variables, with too many unknowns to make a disrespectful judgement. This is something that the courts should do, without any bias for or against persons of adulterous law enforcers and/or blood relatives of her FOO.

I strongly suggest seeking out your own individual therapy to deal with your own emotional issues and both sets of interpersonal relationships with your former friend's FOO, and your adulterous police and prosecutor friends.

By testifying on behalf of morally questionable persons, you alienated people whom you were friends with. Like the narcotic user former friend, you need to face the consequences of your own actions and accountability to your former friends parents and sisters if you are still friends with them from your own actions -- even if the ramifications are less for you than your former friend.

It is just stunning that she attends Law School, then becomes a regular family lawyer, then changes to an Assistant Prosecutor. Then lose all that and her daughter because of addiction and not being mentally stable.

I honestly wish that I didn't move back to this state and deal with this. I am from Ohio. I moved to the current state that I live when I was young and then went back to Ohio to attend Ohio State. I moved from state to state and then tried to move back to Ohio, only for them not to have a job in my field that is open and I am stuck living in this state.

To clear something up, I am actually against Stepmother adoptions about 90% of the time, because I think it is just nonsense. On some occasions, I feel it is necessary.

I really don't know what is going to happen. I do not know whether or not, she will get her daughter back legally.

What I should have mentioned was that, even though she has been going in and out of rehab, and that her ex-husband has full custody, I really don't know what is going to happen.

I know that the courts don't take termination of parental rights lightly.

You want to know what she told me on the day that I ended my relationship with her? She told me this before I told her to lose my number.

"I will always love my daughter and I will always continue to pray for her."