back to Home Page

Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime

Listen Now - Marriage Builders Radio

| Tax-deductible Donation | Site Tour | Meet Dr. Harley | Basic Concepts | Q&A Columns | Articles | Guidance Forum

Welcome to the
Marriage Builders^® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com

Register Log In

Marriage Builders Forums General Discussion Marriage Builders 101 Just Compensation Question

Print Thread

Just Compensation Question #3017054 09/27/23 11:53 AM
Joined: Sep 2023 Posts: 23 USA N namescreen4 OP Junior Member
OP namescreen4 Junior Member N Joined: Sep 2023 Posts: 23 USA	I'm a bit confused about Just Compensation. As I understand it, it's cutting off all contact with the OP, making a relapse impossible by putting into place extraordinary precautions, and meeting emotional needs. Did I miss something? That doesn't sound like compensation to me. Instead of "just compensation", it sounds like, "just do what you were supposed to be doing anyway." It's a good idea, but I don't see how the word compensation fits with that idea. What is Just Compensation (link)

Re: Just Compensation Question namescreen4 #3017056 09/27/23 03:32 PM
Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 9,537 Likes: 9 S SugarCane Member
SugarCane Member S Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 9,537 Likes: 9	Welcome to MB. Compensation is some kind of forfeit designed to make up for the loss or hurt. If the unfaithful spouse was not doing the things they should have been doing to keep the marriage safe and make the faithful spouse happy, then doing the things that should have been done all along is compensation. Thankfully, Dr Harley's rules for Just Compensation benefit the unfaithful spouse also, assuming they want to stay in the marriage. It hurts for a while to give up the other person, but if all the steps are taken properly, a better marriage is the result. There will be no sense of forfeit when that happens - as there shouldn't be. BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.

Re: Just Compensation Question SugarCane #3017060 09/27/23 07:24 PM
Joined: Sep 2023 Posts: 23 USA N namescreen4 OP Junior Member
OP namescreen4 Junior Member N Joined: Sep 2023 Posts: 23 USA	Originally Posted by SugarCane If the unfaithful spouse was not doing the things they should have been doing to keep the marriage safe and make the faithful spouse happy, then doing the things that should have been done all along is compensation. Still not seeing how it's compensation. Under Just Compensation, both spouses end up meeting the ENs of the other spouse (as it should be). So it seems like the BS is also compensating the WS just as much as the WS is compensating the BS. On one hand, I'm just disputing the terminology. I don't disagree with the idea of what to do. On the other hand, it does seem appropriate there should actually be 'compensation'. That is, the WS should in some way make it up to the BS. But if the BS is doing the same thing, then it also seems that the BS also "making it up" to the WS. That part doesn't make sense to me. Last edited by namescreen4; 09/27/23 07:40 PM.

Re: Just Compensation Question namescreen4 #3017070 10/07/23 05:27 PM
Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus B BrainHurts Member
BrainHurts Member B Joined: Nov 2010 Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 Moved to Uranus	Have you seen What is Just Compensation ? FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.

Re: Just Compensation Question BrainHurts #3017080 10/07/23 10:16 PM
Joined: Sep 2023 Posts: 23 USA N namescreen4 OP Junior Member
OP namescreen4 Junior Member N Joined: Sep 2023 Posts: 23 USA	Originally Posted by BrainHurts Have you seen What is Just Compensation ? Yes. It's a great concept. I just think it should have had a different name.

Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours

Hop To

Link Copied to Clipboard

Who's Online Now

0 members (), 258 guests, and 61 robots.

Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod

Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,839 Registered Users

back to Home Page

Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime

Feedback | Terms and Conditions | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Site Map | Account

Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.

Site Navigation

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5