I’m in a bad spot mentally in my marriage. In 2011 my wife left me and took everything (kids, dogs, guns, anything worth money not tied down) and moved from our home in Tx to her hometown in Mo. (we met in the military). She filed fraudulent ex parte orders of protection against me for herself and the kids, made up a ton of lies and told the court I threatened to kill her and the kids. She kept me away from our 3 daughters for 6 months, and finally let me see them and drop the protective order if I agreed to move to Mo where she was living with them. I agreed to reconcile because honestly I missed my kids to the point I was ready to eat a bullet.
Her reason for leaving was she was “unhappy”. My gut tells me she was [censored] somebody or multiple somebodies, but I did a lot of personal work on myself and a lot of forgiving (or so I thought). We reconciled and have been living in Mo for the past 10-11 years. I don’t think I can stay in this marriage. Her leaving had a hugely negative impact on our daughters who blame/blamed me for disappearing for 6 months. Im 44 years old, and we just had to move rental houses after 10 years. I paid 8 grand to find us a new home, she paid nothing to help me. She works full time and we split the bills as a percentage based on our incomes. For a while she went out of her way to make up her mistakes to me. She’s now going peri menopausal and she’s getting nasty. Im having an impossible time not resenting what she did to me, especially with the recent hormonal changes. My youngest is 16, and I feel like I need to get out of this marriage before my best years are over. I’ve never cheated, never been abusive, I’ve always stood up for her and my kids. I’ve been a great husband and father though of course I’ve made mistakes over the years. I went 4 years not talking to my mother and sister because they repeatedly disrespected her. I feel like I’ve given her everything and im sad, depressed, resentful, and the fact I know she cheated and she won’t admit it is killing me. I need help. I’m living in a state I hate working a job I dislike and I’m not happy. I think I deserve happiness and I’m afraid the only way I’ll get it is to divorce her.

Just some extra info- When she kidnapped the kids I reached out to Tx law enforcement and fbi. Tx is one of the few states without a parental kidnapping law in the books. They told me to go get the kids in Mo if I wanted them back. Then the protective order was served. She moved to a tiny house with her aunt where druggies were leaving used heroin syringes laying in the yard, and the house was tiny and filthy. My kids hated it there, and I think they grew to resent me because I couldn’t come see them or rescue them. When this happened my wife was on a prescription drug cocktail of phentermine, Valium, provigil, and Prozac. I think once she got off the drugs she realized how badly she messed up our lives and just wanted to pretend it didn’t happen. I don’t think she would have had an affair or left me without these drugs in her system, but that doesn’t really change the way it affected me.

Welcome to MB. This sounds like a horrible position to be in - I'm sorry.

But do you have a question for us?

Am I out of line wanting a divorce mainly in response to something she did 11 years ago?

I don't know how to judge "out of line". That is a matter of opinion. If you have been unhappy for that long, I don't see how it could be said that you are obliged to stay with her. Where does that obligation come from? Who defines it?

I guess I have to make that decision as I’m the one who has to live with it. I’ve brought up couples/marriage counseling many times, but she never fallows through. I think she’s afraid of getting called out on the stuff she did to me and she doesn’t want to face that or even be honest about what she did. Thanks for the reply.

Have you thought about emailing Dr. Harley? I'm sorry you are where you are at in your marriage.

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the broadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will receive a call to explain the procedure.