Hi friends,<P>Quick update. I have been on modified Plan B since the end of Sept. (We were still seeing each othere during visitations). I blew is last Tues (got into a doosey fight). <P>Anyway, went to Full blown Plan B last Weds. My parents agreed to be the go between during visitations so I would not have to see him.<P>I e-mailed him on Tues. Told him D was sick and that he could come over to the house and see her or he could make other arrangments. He e-mailed me back, saying he would stop by and give her a hug and kiss. Said he would be there at 6:00. <P>He shows up at 6:50, hands D 2 boxes of candy, give her a kiss and leaves. He was here a total of 3 MINS!! My dad was here to let him in and let him out. He did not see or hear me.<P>Tonight. Regular visiation day. 5:30 - 8:00. HE SHOWS UP AT 4:55. My dad was not here yet, because H doesn't normally show up until 30 -45 min LATE ON EVERY VISITATION DAY.<P>Now, I am suspecting that H is not liking the idea that he cannot get to me. This is only the third day he has seen D since I went to full blown B.<P>Also, H has not paid me in over 5 wks. I went to work on Monday and there was a check for me from H laying on my desk. The receptionist said he dropped in off on Friday ( I took a vac day that day). <P>So, now he is involving my place of employment to do our personal business and is suddenly coming EARLY for visitations.<P>ANyone else think this is strange. He caught he totally off guard tonight. I was not expecting to have to see him.<P>What IS he up too?<P><BR>Cheryl

CEECEE-<P>Could it be working? Here's hoping! <P>He is changing his behaviour, so it is significant. Keep it up, and you might be pleasantly surprised. I always go by peoples actions, not what they say.<P>Hoping with you- Raenbow

Raenbow-<P>Thanks for your reply. I don't know if it is working or not. I know he is still involved w/ OW. She lives out of state and is married w/ 3 children. I don't see much promise of that lasting, but hey, what do I know.<BR>He has already filed for divorce. It is just a matter of time.<BR>I guess my real question is, is he doing this just to 'catch me off guard?' He does not like my parents and is very uncomfortable around them. However, I chose them as the go between because my D adores them.<BR>I don't know what to think anymore, frankly. I am very, very tired of all of this.<P>Thanks again.<P>Cheryl

Hi Cheryl,<P>Whatever he's up to, you must continue to stand by your guns! Keep with the full-blown Plan B. He knows what he must do to get you back, and that's dropping the OW and being completely honest with you.<P>It may be that he's breaking down, which is good. On the other hand, maybe he just wants to stay in control of the situation some how. Don't let your guard down. Wait for him to say he's dropped the OW and wants to work on the marriage again. Then you can work out an agreement for him to come back. But don't do or say anything before then.<P>--andy

Hi Andy,<P>I was hoping to hear from you. I think he is just yanking my chains again. I invited him to come into the house, but he just closed the door and stood outside.<BR>I stood there with that s@#$ eating grin on his face. The one he always has when he thinks he got me.<BR>I didn't say a word to him. I told D I loved her and that I would see her soon.<BR>I have to be here when he drops her off tonight too. Could be interesting.<BR>Thanks for you words. How are you feeling? I;ve been reading your posts and you sound a little blue. <BR>Take care, ok?<P>Cheryl<BR>

Cheryl,<P>Be strong with your Plan B.<P>Those with kids (me included) will have a tougher time keeping it a pure Plan B... btw I'm not there yet but should be there in January/February...<P>You've got to hold on in there. Your H sounds like a very controlling individual... this will make it extra hard on you...<P>I hope(don't know) if you've given him the Plan B letter... if you need to qualify it for no "early arrivals" to so... I don't think that is a love buster... protecting yourself <B>isn't</B> a love buster!<P>My prayers for you and your D... <P>Jim

Thanks Jim,<P>I am planning on staying on Plan B until-well forever, if that is what it takes. I am hoping not, but I am sure we will be divorced before he 'caves' in.<BR>Yes, H is VERY controlling. He would not agree w/ that. He blames his whole life on others.<BR>He has a LOT of issues that he is unwilling to deal with. Obvisiously, w/ 3 marriages and STB 3 divorces.<BR>Well, I intend to sit back and see what God has in store for me and my D. I would love to see my H come to find the Lord, but in the mean time, I have to live my life.<BR>Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Sending them right back at ya!!<P>Gob bless,<P>Cheryl

Cheryl,<P>I suspect he's just trying to see how much more he can get away with, not feeling too much in control - is he? ha ha<P>Good<P>If he was a controller, then you may find this site interesting. You have a lot of healing to do.<P>God Bless You, and keep up the good plan B.<P>TNT<BR> <A HREF="http://www.drirene.com" TARGET=_blank>www.drirene.com</A>

ceecee,<P>You H sounds a lot like Tony. Tony always blames everyone else. I just finally tonight got to the point where I can no longer live like this. I am just leaving. Monday I am going to give notice and hopefully be home before Thanksgiving.<P>Plan B sounds good. At some point we really have to repair ourselves. Take care of you and if you have to get your Dad to come early. Hey he will get to visit the grand baby and also have the receptionist just say thanks she is in a meeting good day.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I stood there with that s@#$ eating grin on his face. The one he always has when he thinks he got me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Yeah, except that this time, you've got <B>him</B>. Don't forget that! <P>Hey thanks for asking about me. I'm doing okay I guess. The last few days have been nice. We're gonna get started on x-mas shopping this weekend (getting a bit of an early start).<P>Good luck with the Plan B efforts!<BR>--andy

TnT, Pak, Andy,<P>Thank you for you replies. I am sticking to Plan B for as long as it takes me to feel better, and to know that he cannot push my buttons anymore. It may take some time, but time is on my side, right?<P>H is late AGAIN for visitiation this morning. I really do think this is all a game to him. He doens't even change D diapers when he has her. I honestly have to wonder if he FEEDS her. IT is getting a little ridiculous. Well, I know that God is on my side and that whatever happens, it is suppose to happen.<P>God bless you all. You are so very dear to me.<P>Cheryl

ceecee,<BR> Hang in there, you have been doing the right thing all along. Your H is the one that is screwing up, try not to let him influence your emotions.<BR>Thinking of you....<BR>Michael.....

Michael,<P>Thank you. Boy, do I need encouragement. He certainly knows how to push those buttons of mine.<BR>Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate them.<BR>Go out and enjoy this sunshine we are having today. It may be it for a while.<BR>Got that motorcycle yet?? <BR>Thanks again,<P>Cheryl<BR>

You have a good heart, don't forget that. No I don't have the motorcycle but I sure would like to. I'm going to be moving all day.... not really enjoying the weather

Mike,<P>You have agood heart, too!! Don't you forget it.<BR>Sorry you are moving today. What a bummer.<BR>I'm thinking about you and sending prayers your way.<BR>God bless,<P>Cheryl

Hang tough, Cheryl. You are doing great! Don't try to interpret his actions (I know it's hard) because it will just drive you crazy.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you.

hi sidney,<P>thanks for your prayers. i will never turn them away.<BR>you are in my prayers too!!<P>God Bless,<P>cheryl