My husband had an emotional affair he works a second part time job and has for over 2 years. Been working with this girl the entire time and never had any interest or unusual contact with her until recently. She started requesting they be partners on rounds together in January without him knowing. He only works maybe 5 days a month. They started talking more, getting to know each other, flirting a little. February he intentionally chooses some of his days based on her being there. After work on one of the days in February she text him something innocent but starting the texting on a personal level outside of work, they all have each others phone numbers for work reasons during the day to communicate. Nothing came of the first few text. By February 16 after working together a day they text frequently that night, he did tell her he enjoyed working with her and her company but he was married and had never had any feelings for anyone else like this and even though we were going through the toughest time we had in our marriage he was committed to us. They kept it platonic. They worked together again and would only talk on nights he was at his other just where he is gone overnight. On the 19th he stopped by where she was and told her that this couldn’t happen, he was married and he couldn’t do this to me and he was sorry for all of this but he was working on his marriage. Nothing physical happened there were children present the entire time. Well that night she kept texting him that and it escalated over the next week. From the 19th to the 25th there were 3 different days they had long conversations and worked together once and lots of things were said. she sent him a picture, she was covered but it was meant to be in appropriate, he commented on liking it and that he did want to kiss her in the car that day. Just very intense flirting and many sexual things said but never any plans to meet up or never directly saying I want to have sex with you but inappropriate for sure.

I had got suspicious bc we have never had any trust issues in our marriage and he was being weird so I checked his phone on the 27th and found all this. So the whole texting episode was around 2 weeks but flirting at work was longer. He was immediately sorry, and swore it was a mistake and stupid, he would never speak to her again. I immediately called her and verified details he was telling me and stories matched. He hadn’t realized how to permanently delete text so I had them all. Since then we have been really good after I lost my mind of him. Things have changed, we talked about our disconnect that he was feeling but none of this was my fault this was all on him and he knows that, we have changed things to help it, she is blocked on everything, I have full access to all his stuff if I want it, he no longer works with her. She tried to call him once from a random number and he hung up on her and called me immediately and I text her and reminded her of the no contact. My issue is I’m good when he is here with me but when he is gone my mind goes crazy, not thinking he is cheating just thinking about why this happened, how he did this to me and then I get so angry and lose my [censored] again and go through the whole process over again. I don’t know what to do to move on or am I trying to do all of this too quick and pretending it wasn’t as bad as it is?

In order for us to best help you, we need to know a little more about your knowledge of the Marriage Builder materials found on this website. Can you tell us what you have read so far? Do you feel you have a good understanding of what the two of you need to do to recover your marriage and make it affair proof?

There is a reason for asking you questions before addressing your ability to move on. It is much easier to move on when you know you are doing everything possible to recover your marriage and make it stronger than ever.

If you study the materials on the website and follow Dr Harleys plan for marriage recovery, you have a really good chance of success. I think you have to know that things can and will improve before you can put the hurt behind you and have happy thoughts most of the time.

There are some other things that would be helpful for us to know in order to help you.

How long have the two of you been married?
Have there been any previous affairs for either of you in this relationship or in any past relationships?
You say she no longer works with him. Did one of them quit or get fired? Or get transfered to another location or just what happened?

You said "I don't know what to do to move on or am I trying to do all of this too quick and pretending it wasn't. As bad as it is?"

Some people who have experienced both, say that dealing with a cheating spouse causes just as much pain as dealing with the death of a spouse. Recovery takes time. There is not a quick fix, but there is a sure fix if both of you are on board and working a solid recovery plan.

Please come back and tell us what you already know, and answer a few more questions for us, and we can go on from here.

In the short term, remember there is no quick fix, It is time and patience.
Time and patience...
Time and patience...

If you are a person of faith, I encourage you to pray for help every day.
The right kind of music can also help you... choose songs that calm and sooth you.

Remember that we who post here are not professionals who get paid to be here, but felow travelers who have used this information to improve our own marriages. Weekends can be slow, don't get discouraged if it takes awhile to get a reply sometimes.

Hope you have a (mostly good) weekend. With what you are dealing with, it probably won't be perfect, but I hope it's mostly good.

We have not done any of the stuff on the website yet, I just found this website when I posted but we are reading through everything now.

How long have the two of you been married? 18 years


Have there been any previous affairs for either of you in this relationship or in any past relationships? No lrevious affairs


You say she no longer works with him. Did one of them quit or get fired? Or get transfered to another location or just what happened? It is a part time job he works so we can work his schedule around when she is working, he has access to a master schedule and he sits down with me and picks the days he is available to work that does not put him in contact with her, there have been days that schedules have changed and he has called in and said he can not work, he knows for us that no contact is necessary and he agrees.

I did not address the last thing we are praying. I grew up in church and he did not but both Christians and been baptized and believers but this has definitely brought us closer to our faith more than anything. We have prayed more than we ever have and regret that we didn’t before.

I recommend you start with the first thread in this section of the forum. (by fire proof) called "Surviving an affair - Start here first".
Go through the outline in order, ask questions if needed.

It always works best if you read through it together. Then you are on the same page about what you are doing and why.
We want you to be OK, we'll help as much as we can. Report back when you feel like you have a good grasp of the basics, or ask as you go along.

There are also some videos on this website that give a shortened version of the basics, or you can search for "marriage builders" on u-tube and see what's available there. Whatever works best for you.

Maybe we'll just keep you so busy looking up stuff that you don't have time to worry.

It's been a few weeks... how are you doing these days?
Do you feel like you are making progress?
Is your husband making progress?
Are most days good for you, or is it still really hard?