Hi. Venting but also working through mental health after tonight. I'll keep it brief:

Went to my STBXW's house today. She's sick and has the kids. We're doing Thanksgiving tomorrow together because it's the first holiday since the split. Was supposed to be kosher. Talked yesterday about how we got to where we are. Said I still have all the same emotions for her I had beforehand but that I withhold them now for obvious reasons. We were doing decent. Put the kids to bed. Cleaned the house together. Sat down to snack on the couch. Felt like a bittersweet of "this is where we are now/ we can still be parents even if it's not together/ we can be civil".

Then her guy from the affair calls. She picks up the phone right next to me. They're talking super casually like I don't exist. And she walks up to her bedroom to have whatever conversation that turned into.

I clean up the snacks, tell myself this is the last mess I clean up for her, grab my keys and leave. Call her. Tell her wtf. She said she didn't think it was going to affect me that bad. I realized either she is that absent minded that she didn't absorb any of what we talked about last night, or that she didn't care and my presence/ emotions/ effort for her and the kids was meaningless. Gave me a reality check of where I am on her priority list (somewhere between the name of a fly that lived 800 years ago and the number of threads in the living room carpet).

So I'm done being sad for myself. I'm done rolling with the blows. I'm done keeping peace. I'm not going to stir the pot but she isn't my wife any more so I'm not going to be understanding like I would be if she was. She's the cold dead body of my wife, just with a mouth that tells people what they want to hear to avoid accountability.

If anyone asks me what I'm thankful for tomorrow, the answer will be easy: a short marriage and myself.