Some of you might remember me from way back when....just an update on a possible continued recovery. <P>My h was the betrayer, however, I caught it early in the game and we embarked upon a really LONG period of "trying" recovery.<P>I did all the Harley stuff and for awhile it seemed to work. I always felt something was missing and intuitively....there were things that needed to be dealt with. My h was closed to counseling and his impatience and agressive responses continued to rear their ugly head and push me back into a corner. By this time....he wasn't with anyone but fighting a big time dissatisfaction with many aspects of his life. He was set on blaming me for all and making me pay the consequences. Of course I've had some responsibility by not showing care for him always....but I knew I wasn't the entire problem. <P>I continued to try to do the Harley, Plan A stuff. This began in Jan of this year, and honestly, my patience and endurance was getting old by November. <P>Over the past couple of weeks....I'd been thinking about leaving him......I'd lost much hope and strength. <P>Well, this weekend....his sister comes out and suggests that we all go see a reader....(his family reads people well and has worked with someone to bring these talents out)...My h poo-poohed it, however, his brother goes and comes back saying how wonderful it felt....<P>My husband goes and comes back a different person. She suggests that she sees him on the edge of life...not in nor out. She doesn't see him falling off the edge but she sees there is a path that he has thought about taking which will destroy him...she sees him in a closed box full of emptiness and nothing.<BR>(she sees other things but that is it regarding us) ......she tells him she'd like to see me.<P>My sister-in-law takes me to see her that afternoon. She says he'll never have another affair and that well be happy if we can begin communicating. She questions me on whether I've really been talking to him, getting him to look at me ...touching him while I talk and expecting him to participate with me. <P> She suggested that i go home, tell him I love him, offer apologies for past issues, ask him to work with me. She says be prepared to walk away if he refuses or can't work forward with me... She suggests that we both talk to a certain family member. (kinda plan Bish in the making, ya think ??) I walked away feeling strengthened and with a renewed vigor for trying one more process to get us on track !<P>The kicker...he called her after our session and after reading me....she told him that he needed to get back to who he was, concentrate on the family and work this out with me. Open up, communicate, listen, be receptive and blah, blah, blah She told him he was going to lose something irreplacable and was he prepared to do that?<P>The bottom line here and the reason I posted is that <P>-sometimes, it's a wacky path but the destination makes the process worthwhile<P>-we really don't know when someone is going to "open up" and begin "listening" <P>-we never know what "the event" is going to be which sets a certain process in motion, like a recovery<P><BR>do I suggest this method for all?, NO, but I would suggest an open mind to everyone who has the desire to stay in their marriage. Don't rule out or be afraid to try any and all possibilities. <P> Are we going to be successful ? no one know just yet....but we sure have one heck of a foot forward with his (first time ever) verbal committment to make it work !<P>....and have I ever seen the change in him this week !!<P>-Tina<P> <P>

Tina,<P>I remember you!!! And yes I'm still here although not as much as before and don't post much. Just read. Look for success stories and how they happened. I'm hoping for the time when I feel like my h and I are successful at rebuilding so that I can help others on this forum. Right now I don't really know how to encourage people as I feel like our "separation" is so strange and don't know if ow is out of picture, if he is falling in love with me again or what. I don't even know if he is ever coming home again. <P>I do see baby steps but it could be just my own wishful thinking. I have to remember that a deteriorating marriage and affair that progressed as long as ours/his will take a long time to recover from.<P>As for your post, do what ever you need for encouragement. I personally read the horoscope every day in the news paper. Never used to but do now. I guess I'm just looking for some glimmer of hope! <P>See my profile for details. <P>Thanks for coming back to post. Keep me up to date. CWalker842@aol.com<P>Chris

I do remember you. You posted while I was lurking, so I followed your story a long time.<P>My discovery was in January, and although my H always wanted the marriage, it has been an incredibly difficult year.<P>I'm thinking that coming up on the "anniversary" of his affair and discovery is subconciously getting me down lately. Things are going well, certainly no worse, but it is all so tiring.<P>My hair has gotten grayer, I know I aged my body far more than a year, it is just hard.<P>I hope this new turn of events is for the best for you.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

TEENER!<P>You crazy, wacky loon, you! Oh, well, after all, you *do* live in CALIFORNIA... (a.k.a. "The Land of Fruits & Nuts")(p.s., remember Dunc's OW was from CA...LOL).<P>Just bustin' your chops, sweetie. Boy, you are sure full of surprises! I'm delighted with the big about-face from H... whatever it takes, huh? You sure deserve a breakthrough. You go, girl! <P>Suse

hi tina, it has been a long time! Nice to hear you are still working on marriage. You have had a pretty tough time, lots of potholes and speed bumps in the way. <BR>Whatever works, I say go for it. <BR>Paths and callings...something I have taken a great interest in lately and find fascinating. I look at you and h as very courageous people! He on the verge of something different, not knowing what it is at all. Certainly it is not leaving the family, but something else. He just cannot find how to get where is needs to go next. And your strength sustains him.<BR>Thanks for writing, cl

I remember you.<P> Hey, any path to sanity! But then, I'm from CA too, so what can you expect? <P>I'm happy for your new beginning. Best wishes!<BR> <BR>

Just an end of the weekend update....<P>It really is different this time ! We had a great weekend. He asked me to join him on Friday night to meet some "new friends" (which I was really uncomfortable about...they're older single women (3)). <P>You know what? He grabbed my hand walking in and we entered as a couple. That really says it all....he was stating to his friends and the world ....we are a couple ! We had one minor blip when another female came over and he really appeared to want to get to know her. I got really uncomfortable because it felt flirty....I took an extended trip to the bathroom....counted to 1M and came back.<P>When I came back...he asked what was wrong....I told him w/out alot of emotion. He said it meant nothing and he didn't mean to hurt me. He was just trying to make her feel included in the group. I asked him to work with me, to reassure me.....and he began saying the words I've been wanting to hear for a very long-long-long time....<P><BR>I've done alot of soul searching....you're the one for me, Tina. I'm interested in you !! I'm here with you.... to share this friendship WITH YOU.... and I'm committed to making this work. I wouldn't say this unless I meant it. Are you ok, does that make you feel better ???<P>yes it does !!! <P><BR>another kicker.....he calls the reader on Friday to get a tape of their session...she says to him...I bet you're much happier now, huh and he hadn't said a thing to her about what he was doing with me or us !!!<P><BR>Hoping - I'm going to email ya cuz our story look oh so familiar...Husband unhappy since birth of our first child....<P>FHL - the age, the gray hair and the frown lines have softened so much over the past few days....intuitively....our 10 year itch is over....and I hope you experience the same thing. <P>Plan A certainly has its' merits. Allows you to focus on something healthy, shows them you can be the spouse they want and need and helps you ride out the storm....to get to the point that they WANT to work on the marriage.<P>Suse, sure... rip me cuz I live in California...trust me...I was really scared when I asked her the question, "will I ever make him happy?" but ya know...I've never been one to run from the battle w/out giving it my best shot. Hey, she told me he'd never stray again !!! who wouldn't love to hear that about their once-straying husband ???<P>CL and Jenny - I don't think they're called Potholes....they are called CRATERS AND YES, THERE HAVE BEEN PLENTY OF THEM. However, it really is sweet...to hear him respond back to my apologies with..."I'm sorry too...I've been really cruel"<P>-Good day to all !!<BR>-Teener<P><p>[This message has been edited by TFloyd (edited November 15, 1999).]

Teener,<P>I am SO happy for you & SO proud of you. I can't tell ya how good it makes me feel to hear what's going on. I think it's so neat that you can sense intuitively that he's *really* turned the corner.<P>I'll email ya soon! - Suse