I don't want to put you on the spot, but I gather from previous posts that you were the betrayer. Could you tell me if you felt and lot of guilt and how long it took for you to feel it? Did you ever think you wanted out of your marriage & didn't love your H? If you had gotten divorced, do you think you would have regretted it?<P>Thanks

Sorry... didn't see this until this morning.<P>I am a betrayer, yes, but I am also the betrayed, so I see this icky thing from both sides.<P>I had what some call an "exit affair". I wanted out before I had it. I felt no real guilt until the OM kissed me. I cried right then and there. Shoulda been a sign, huh? But no, I kept going until I hopped in the sack with him once. That's when the real guilt started. I told my H immediately, and began having physical symptoms and emotional breakdown. I don't mean to be gross, but I spent several days at docs, ER, and finally the GYN because I was having horrid "female" symptoms. I thought he'd given me something. Nope. It was emotional. I had pain like you can't believe, and spent about 2-3 weeks in a near-suicide state. I'm going to be blunt here: my vagina swelled shut. Literally. I couldn't be with anyone. I kept the idea alive that the OM and I would blow this town and spend our lives together for about three more weeks, even through the pain. And then suddenly, a light bulb went on and I realized I was a fool. I watched my H turn into a skinny, sick man (he's 6'2", well-built, gorgeous) and he looked and felt like crap. The OM and I continued to speak because we work together, and I tried to at least keep the friendship alive for another month, but did not touch him or go anywhere with him.<P>It's been six months since the hotel visit, five months since the end with him began, four months since it's been all the way over. <P>My H has been difficult, but understandibly so. We've separated, gotten back, separated, gotten back... but through it all both of us knew we loved each other, but were not "in love". I've changed my view of the disguisting term "soul mate" <blech> it does not exist. It is not real. It is a fantasy. We (the OM and I) thought we were meant to be together for all of eternity. Blech! again.<P>So, there you have it. Guilt? Gawd-awful horrible guilt from the beginning for the pain I was causing my H. Remorse? Hideous, mind-numbing remorse that made me want to die. Did I want to leave my H? Yes, and he wanted to leave me. Are we still trying? Yes, and it's a tough road. But we are here.<P>Hope this helps.<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Thank you for opening up to me. I just can't see how my H can feel no guilt. I just wonder if he will always feel it or if it will go away. You would think he would always feel guilty for leaving his sons.

Hi SHeryl,<BR>Glad to hear things are looking better for you.<P>I had a question, did you ever show your guilt to your H ?<BR>My w hasn't shown me anything. She says she hides it all(and she talked about me hiding my emotions!)<P>Thanks!

RWD,<P>Yes, my H saw my guilt, felt my guilt, LIVED my guilt.<P>Although, yes, things are better, they are not great. My health has improved, but isn't back to normal yet, and just this morning my H said he's just hanging until the end of the holidays. We love each other, that much is sure. We don't want to hurt each other more than we have already been hurt. But the "in love" part is not there for either of us. It's sad.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>