Hi Guys,<P>Just got home about an hour or so ago. Another killer Friday in the ambulance business. Found message on answering machine from W telling she left me check out on front porch for joint accounts that I am currently taking care of.<P>In envelope also found the following note:<P>Tim,<P>I'm sorry its late, [the check] please don't despise me. I hear it in your voice. I never wanted our marriage to fail.<P>I love you,<P>Val<P>She called cell phone earlier in the day while we were in a fringe area and the caller ID came up just as "CALL", so I answered. It was W telling me she was going to drop check off later today. Very brief chat as I am experiencing really bad resentment rearing its ugly head. I do not like the feelings regarding her that are coming to the surface.<P>My EMT partner said he knew it was W because my voice changes and becomes very stern and angry. I was not aware. Guess that's what I didn't want to happen and that's why I went into Plan B most recently. I asked her if she got my letter [Plan B modified slightly from SAA]. She said yes.<P>So what do you guys think? Is her bubble beginning to show signs of wear? She has said many times earlier that she WANTS to part as friends, I just can't do that. I was lied to for over 2.5 years.<P>It took 10 years for first XW and me to be able to talk amicably and we have two children together! <P>Val knows I'm seeing a "friend" and only a friend. I will not cross the line. Is Val just trying to throw a monkey wrench into things. Any suggestions or ideas welcomed.<P>What do you make of this? A hat?, a boat?,<P>I will not deviate from my current new found happiness! It took just too long. I am BACK and will not retreat to being a shell of my former self. <P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

This is cold an harsh, but sounds like you two were over in her mind, then yours?<BR>You always want what you can't have. <BR>I would try to let go of your anger or at least try to soften your verbal and body language. It's not healthy!<BR>I wouldn't act as if you think she's coming around. Wait and see. Kinda' sounds to me she doesn't like the idea of your friend and I am sure still feels something for you. See if more changes come. If not then you know, if so, well go from there if that comes.<BR>

Hey Mater,<P>I do not consider you opinions to be cold or harsh. These are your opinions and that is what I look for here.<P>I have been told many times that I can not hide my emotions as hard as I try. That everyone sees through me. My face and voice show what's going on upstairs, probably a professional quirk. I must make immediate decisions regarding treatment or a patient's condition might become worse and die. <P>I am not trying to make like it seems everything is hunky dorey. This hurts like a hot poker in the eye, and I do not deny it. This is the woman I truely expected to spend the rest of my life with. <P>This is one of the reasons that made me go into Plan B. I don't want to hurt the relationship worse than it already is.<P>I thank you for your honest thoughts. The note just made me wonder.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Hi Medic<P>I'm of the opinion that at this stage of proceedings, the betrayers no longer have to lie. You probably know everything, or at least as much as is relevant to the sorry saga, and I feel W no longer has to hide anything from you. Not her feelings for OM or her relationship with him. It is right there in the open.<BR>I wonder if she means it. You know her tones of voice, do YOU think she is sincere. Even tho it was a note, is that her style.?<BR>What is your gut feeling? follow your instincts - I'm sure you guys out there must have developed a bit of 'female intuition' from all that you've had to face and bear.<BR>Many smiles and good thoughts are headed your way<P>Jo

Jo,<P>This is the problem, we [manly men] have absolutly no clue as to what you "guys" [the love of our lives] really want or need. To quote Austin Powers, well really Dr. Evil "Throw me a freaking bone"<P>I have learned alot here and am so much brighter than I ever was. All you have to do is turn off the power and I can light up a room. If I could get a schematic of how you are wired I'd be much better off.<P>We both read "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" The only thing I/we got out of it was a generalization about relationships and that this guy is more of a NUT BALL than me.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic.

Medica,<P>I think somehow she should be responsible to communicate to you how she feels, and you shouldn't be expected to "read minds"....<P>If you could find a way to convey that to her, that would be nice. Then you wouldn't have to wonder what the heck is going on. (and not feel guilty for not guessing appropriately....)<P>Stick to your plan B and carry on. Don't let her contact with you make you think anything other than you've been thinking. She needs to DEMONSTRATE that she wants to end the affair(s) and recommit to the marriage before you are interested in having contact with her...... The entire purpose of your plan B is so you don't have to put up with "wondering" and all the lovebusters that go along with it....<P>You hang in there.<BR>TNT

Hey TNT,<P>It's really funny. I have not seen her for well over a month and didn't have a problem with that. She got the Plan B letter and it was pretty much spelled out that I will avoid seeing her or talking to her.<P>Yesterday she wanted to see me and hand over the check personally. Why now all of a sudden? I can guess. I'm really getting tired of the "games". She's testing me to see if I will follow through with B or not. <P>That's why I think in my situation it would be just so much easier to start with someone new and a clean slate.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Medic,<BR>I agree with you that Plan B is the best route for you.<P>I also agree with Bonnet who said Val no longer needs to lie to you and now is trying to make "friends" with you.<P>My w went thru the same things with me. She just talks to me like nothing happened, but continues to talk abot om to me.<P>She too asked if I would hate her after we parted and I said yes, it would take a while to get over all the hurt she has inflicted on me. My biggest problem is that she will continue to bop in and out of my life now, but only to see the kids. I wish and hope she moves away at least that will be easier for me, but probably for the kids.<P>HAng in there and God Bless.

Medic,<P>Hang in there with Plan B. You are doing great! Sounds to me like she is perhaps having second thoughts. Let her see that you will not put up with her [censored]. She will either have great respect for your strength, and do a turnaround or she will decide not to come back. <P>Either way, you will be better off. If it's the former, her newfound respect for you will help to rebuild the marriage. If it's the latter, you will have had the time to disconnect, and get on with your life.<P>Sounds to me like you are in the beginning stages of that phase already. Good for you!! I admire you for your ability to move on (even if it's only a friendship).

Hi RWD and Sidney,<P>Sorry it took so long to respond. I just got home. Had to work the "streets" today.<P>We just took a newlywed, married 2 weeks ago, to the hospital. She had a huge fight with the H and she cut her wrists and abdomen in a suicide gesture/attempt. Man, I can REALLY feel for these folks now. Totally new perspective.<P>I can remember in my first marriage, where I was the betrayer, my W, Toni heard some stories regarding the affair and asked me to try to squelch them, she didn't believe them. I said I would try. I went to bed. My conscience killed me! I went downstairs after a few minutes and told her it was all true. I was strongly asked to leave and did.<P>I guess what I'm trying to say is that I find it hard that "our" betrayers don't have a problem wresling with their conscience like I did. Those few minutes for me were shear hell. I just can't see how they can do it to us. <P>RWD, following your situation. I feel for ya man. Yes, I'm going to continue in Plan B. I have nothing to loose and everything to gain from it.<P>We have no children and the only thing I have asked her for was the monthly check for the consolidated bills payment. I told her to simply mail it next time. The only other request I had was to please change her name back to her maiden surname. I just don't want her "running around" with my last name. Pretty anal, huh? There is no reason for contact to be made for any reason with the exception of an emergency.<P>Sidney, Thanks for the kind words and the "atta boys". I have found my life and self respect again. My "friend", and she is only a friend RIGHT NOW [swear to God], are taking my youngest son to a really neat little old fashioned town with a bunch of quaint shoppes tomorrow. I plan to buy a whole lotta stuff for my new life and to have a great time with Michele and my son.<P>Thanks for taking the time to respond. <P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Are you going up to New Hope ?<P>I don't know if my w will give up my name or not. Her maiden name is German-Dutch so I don't think she will. I love busted big time on that during the summer when she was living with om. I told her if she was in such a big hurry to get out of the marriage, then she could quit using my name and also to quit using my medical insurance. She is still using it as she can't get it as long as she is on mine. I can't get her off minew until we are divorced.<BR>

Medic - you're doing well. Plan B is exactly where you should be and is working, if for no other reason than your own sanity!<P>Have a great time!<P>Lori

Hey RWD,<P>Boy, your'e a real stinker! Actually that would be the third leg of our outting tomorrow if the weather holds out for us. It's supposed to rain in the late afternoon. That's OK, I guess I won't melt!<P>First up is Peddler's Village. What a cool place to share with my kid and friend. Neither one was there before. It's the old Lahaska chicken farm that has been rebuilt as a charming 42 acre shopping complex. It's got over 80 specialty shops and restaurants. We, Val [W] and I, used to go there and always had a great day. We stopped by the Lion and something Pub, no that's not the real name, I just can't think of it now. I always get the chicken fingers and fries. Best I ever had! Time to start some new memories.<P>Then I want to show them Carousel World. This place has a turn of the century working merry go round. When I was a kid I always got sick on the horses that went up and down. It's OK now, I can go up and down now and not throw up nearly as much as I could as a child. Took lot's of therapy. I just try to stay away from wooden horses on a day to day basis.<P>AND YES, if time and the rain holds out, off to New Hope. I have not been there since I was a kid, boy, that was a long time ago. I certainly hope that the steam engine ride still runs through town. <P>I can't wait for Sunday to come. I know we are going to have a great time. That and Tom [my son] has a walletful of cash!<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Hey Lostva,<P>Must have been posting at the same time. I have read your story lately. I will get back to you soon. We don't have to leave here until before noon tomorrow. I'm not ignoring you. I consider you to be one of my friends here. I'm just expecting to be posting for another few hours.<P>After reading one of your posts, I just had to smile. Early on into discovery. My "now STBXFIL" is a gun dealer and I asked him if he could get me a good deal on a 9mm that could accomidate 12 or 13 in the clip and one in the pipe. Also asked if he could come by hollow points or "cop killer" ammo. He said what ever I needed he could get. Her parents don't really have a clue to life what's going on. Would you want to sell a firearm to someone [son in law] that just found out that their partner in life is having an affair? Don't worry I'm not going to get the gun. It's on lay away till Christmas. With the mood swings lately I would most certainly end up in an orange jump suit with county prison on the back.<P>Just had to smile. She severely needs an enema. Val is so full of it. And he would sell me a gun. What are these people thinking? I thought it was a bad week to give up sniffing glue.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> She severely needs an enema. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Cracked me up. I think your W sees that you haven't lost yourself in all of this mess, ya know? The anger is normal after all of what she's put you through, but you're handling it so well! I just wanted to stick my nose in here and let ya know that.

Hi Connor,<P>Thanks for the vote of confidence. I have experienced the worst time of my life in the first 6 months after discovery. I was feeling lower than whale ... well never mind, but I was feeling very bad. NOT ANY MORE! After digging through alot of poop I have finally found myself again, it only took a really big shovel and determination to find me and it really feels good.<P>Hey feel free to stick your nose where ever you like. Is it me or do you guys see that I'm getting back to BV [before Val] and am really enjoying what I have been given in this life? You must agree my "sick" sense of humor is coming out more and more every day. I'm coo coo for coa coa puffs!<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic