Flipper --<P>I read your posts on "best friend betrayals" with great curiosity. I would love to hear some thoughts.<P>My W has/had an emotional affair (physical, too?) with her best friend's H. In my case, I'm the "other side" from you.<P>Similarities include some apparent swapping of info regarding each others marriages. Apparently, OM and my W compared info on how they dealt with their spouses. I found it interesting to see how that was the basis for your "friendship" turning into something more threatening. I wonder if that may have been an effect on mine.<P>Question: Why do you feel that the "emotional affair" is not anything but a "friendship"? In your estimation, could you maintain an other sex friendship without it comprimising the integrity of your marriage?<P>I'll be off line this weekend. Looking forward to some insight from the OM.<P>-- keystone

Keystone:<BR>To me it WAS only a friendship in the beginning. I didn't realize that the OW was getting interested. Now I can see, by the other posts I've read, that I was pretty blind. Worse part is that I think I started to realize that things were changing and I let them change. <P>Although I believe it is possible to keep a "strictly" sexual affair from interfering with the marriage, I don't believe I would be able to pull that one off. I need that emotional link in order to have satisfying sexual relations. I believe I was working my way towards that emotional link when things came to an abrupt end. I'm glad the end was swift and complete.<P>Flip

Flip --<P>Sorry, I'm confused. What is it about a "strictly sexual affair" that you see would not interfere with a marriage?<P>Isn't it all about trust, honest, and love? Isn't that bond something unique?<P>It's late, and I'm sorry if I'm short, but would you have felt it acceptable if you spouse frequented prostitutes? Isn't that an issue which is strickly about sex and nothing about emotion?<P>By the way, I think you agree that emotional affairs are more difficult to overcome since the lines are blurred. Sexual affairs are more obvious to all parties involved.<P>-- keystone

hi keystone,<P>I know a bit about emotional affairs, as mine was one.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Why do you feel that the "emotional affair" is not anything but a "friendship"? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>In the case of mine, it was fairly obvious, since we admitted to each other that we felt more than just "friendship." I think most people involved in an EA know at least at some level that it's more than just friendship. When you start thinking about the OP all the time and miss them when their not around, etc. And I think usually at some point the participants admit to each other their feelings.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>In your estimation, could you maintain an other sex friendship without it comprimising the integrity of your marriage?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I think this is possible, but difficult. I've had friends of the opposite sex many times and they haven't threatened my marriage. In order to pull it off, there needs to be a certain distance. Certain subject matters should never be discussed, for instance marital problems, sex, etc. It's hard. I know Harley recommends not even attempting to have friends of the opposite sex... I dunno, I think that's a little extreme, but I know I have to take alot of care in any opposite sex friendships I have now.<P>--andy<BR>

Keystone:<P>Please don't misunderstand. I didn't say that I could have a strictly sexual affair and keep the marriage intact. In fact, I said I couldn't do that. But I have know some people who can and have done that. Both men and women that I have known, have had strictly sexual affairs and never told their spouses and continued in a visibly "happy" marriage with kids and church and everything. <P>I can't do that. I agree with you about the trust and honesty and the bond. So I guess we are both a bit tired and misread or mistyped something.<P>It is late and I am going to bed. Thanks for the insight. I'll be gone for a few days so I might not get one until I get back.<P>Good Night and Good Luck<P>Flip

airheart --<P>One last post before I crash and burn tonight. Busy weekend, and already 1230am PST.<P>My W has/had an emotional affair. I'm just a little puzzled by flippers responses on another thread. Since we share (albeit from opposite sides) similar situations involving EA's and "best friends", I was seeking insight. <P>I'm in active Plan A, don't want to pressure my W into answers, yet am seeking perspective from others in same situation. For me to better understand flip's point of view, it may better help me understand some neuances (sp?) of my W's.<P>See y'all Monday...zzzzzzzzzzz!<P>-- keystone

flipper --<P>Sorry. It was me that was confused. Thanks for the clarification.<P>-- keystone