Saturday, November 13, 1999<P><BR>Dear Hearts of the MB Sanctuary,<BR> My wife tells me she has found a place and is moving out in the next 2 weeks. Read profile for a thumbnail history.<BR> Father God, this is happening so fast!!!!! What is happening??? What do you want me to do???? I miss us in a kind of distant way. Dare I hope????? She is shielding me by telling me she doesn't know what she wants and tells her close friends and relatives that she is getting a divorce. She mentions OM's name for the first time earlier this evening, both in an email and in a conversation. She has found an apartment in the same town as him. Also says that "No, I am not moving in with him". I'm more inclined to believe her friends know what she is planning and I don't get the whole picture. She did mention that I would be on her insurance for awhile. A clue??? Wants me to decide the things I want to keep from the house.<BR> I met with a young woman at work today and she starts laying on me her wish to end her relationship with her current boyfriend. All I said to her as I passed was that she looked deep in thought. I must be fishing????<BR> Plenty to ponder. Give her space. Let her(Wife) contact you. Don't lovebust.<BR> I feel that most of this is way out of my hands. Are you(God) closing the door for me?? Pull back and pray pray pray. She(Wife) asked me what Anne(First Wife) thought when I revealed what was happening with us. She told me she thinks Wife is lost. We prayed together(first family) before I left earlier this evening from my first home when I went to pick up my son to celebrate his birthday. Heidi(my daughter from first marriage) came running into my arms just before I left and I gave her a great big (((((father hug))))). It was great!!! John(youngest son,first marriage) is with me sorta tonight and we will plan what to do together tomorrow. I really want to get my own place. God will provide. He will make a way in the desert.<BR> Wife told me that her and Jeremy(my oldest boy, first marriage) had a really good talk and he assured her he would be there any time she needed him. Kinda cut me a little. She thinks the world of him. I tell her he is the one I spent the most time with when he was growing up. I must surely have devastated her when I went on one of my tirades about being the perfect wife for me, how I missed her meeting my needs. I wish I could take it all back. One thing I do know, She wants out, away from me ASAP. Leaves me feeling low and unwanted. I am the scum of the earth, but not in God's eyes. He will reason with me, Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow!!!! Am I a wimp or what???? I do all I know to try to change into the Image of Christ.<BR> She seems to have almost completely closed the door. Maybe just a crack open. Can't really know how she feels in her heart, that is closed to me too. I want to be the one to hold her, dry her tears, laugh and walk together. Amos 3:3. I must accept this as the hand of God. Is it a punishment or a rescue??? Things are not good from a wordly perspective, but I still embrace Hope and feel the peace of God that passes all understanding. Of course, there is always tomorrow. Wife thanked me for not laying any bitterness on the table of our negotiations. His Promise says that He will be there for me always. I've been telling everyone that I've given God the go ahead to do whatever is necessary to get me where He wants me to be. I retain that one!!!! Let it be. I see no other course to pursue. Do a major work in me. I have sinned and will probably sin again. But I will confess and do my best, with His Help to repent! It's getting alot more interesting. I feel nothing, I feel everything.<BR> Thanks to anyone who responds to this Ramblin' MusicMan.<P>------------------<BR>John

John...<P>Your profile says it...<BR>"I feel no love or concern from her anymore."<P>Maybe it's time for Plan B...<BR>Maybe you'll be like me for a while... My W moved out August 28... I have very limited contact with her... although I am trying Plan A style non-lovebusting as much as possible since we have kids... and must have some minimal contact for them!<P>About your post... (and similarities to my story)<BR>My wife filed for divorce 3 weeks after discovery... back in April...<BR>OM moved in to my W's apartment within 7 days of her moving out... she too said no one is going to live with her...<BR>My W has been doing nothing with the divorce... I have to believe it is to continue health and other benefits...<P>NO... YOU ARE NOT A WIMP... you've displayed a lot more strength than you know... much more than your W!<P>Look... you have what appears to me a strong faith... this will carry you through...<BR>Come here often... post... vent... cry... stay human... stay faithful...<P>You are loved too... <P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Jim,<BR>Just found out this morning that she plans to have all her kids meet her other guy at her daughters. Told me I wouldn't want to be there tonight. Yes the Lord is incedibly with me lately. Wife has told me she is going to see a councelor. Doesn't want joint counceling. I am so thankful that I was able to walk away from her after she said that. I could feel a major urge to tell her what I really think is going on. I guess I feel so sad for all of us and at the same time unable to act. I need to find my own space to live now as I won't be able to afford this house we are currently renting. I do feel better just knowing somebody knows and cares enough to reply. Thank you Jim. What does NSR mean?<BR><P>------------------<BR>John

Sorry to hear of your trouble. My w also has done almost the same exact things as your w. Om moved in with my w 1 week after she moved into apartment.<P>I fought with her long and hard about om meeting our children pointing out how immoral it was, and that the kids shouldn't be exposed to it. Unfortunetly, religious beliefs are among the casualties in an affair.<P>My w has changed her whole belief structure in order to condone the affair. She felt that living with om was not different than when we lived together for 4 months prior to us getting married.<P>She now thinks that God is only there to give us strength, and doesn't answer prayers.<BR>Afte all she had been praying that I find the Lord which I did but now she is rejecting him.<P>Try to slow things down, continue to Plan A her and if it starts to hurt, then go to Plan B to limit contact. Don't push the lawyer and divorce. She is very unstable right now and wants to move quickly. <P>You must give her time for reality to set into her current relationship with om. Right now he can do no wrong, which we all know can't last.<P>Hang in there. Turn it all over to the Lord. I found that everytime I tried to handle things myself is when I caused the most problems for myself.<P>God Bless!<BR>

To RWD,<BR>I don't even know the woman she has become. She is my second wife. Are we doomed to find and lose love for the rest of our lives?? Maybe I'm just feeling what she feels cause when I am at work I feel like I have life by the tail and nothing is going wrong. <BR>We used to be able to talk for hours about everything. We attended church regularly but never prayed together consistently. She never felt she could pray out loud with me. I couldn't figure it out. Had she just played along with renewed faith and hope at the beginning to lead me along, only to have the charade shattered when God would not perform to her satifaction. Her kids have experienced a parade of men in and out of the house for as long as they can remember. I am another one I fear. Don't get me wrong, I am also human and have made mistakes. She tells me she forgives but there are some things she can't forget. I will wait and see what happens next. I can't change her, only myself. <P>------------------<BR>John