Who here is reconciling after a spouse's long term affair (2 years or more)? I hope that some of our lurkers might respond to this, too - this topic is very important to me.<P>Please tell us if you are male or female, betrayed or betrayer, how long the affair lasted, what it was that you think caused the affair to end, how you are working on reconciliation and any other info you think might be helpful to those of us who are dealing with long term affairs...<P>Thank you!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<BR>

Terri,<BR>This should encourage the most lost, helpless, discouraged soul out there.....<BR>Female<BR>Betrayed<BR>H's affair lasted 9-10 years<BR>Discovery caused it to end (Alrighttt,,,so I'm slow )<BR>We are 22 months into recovery and doing wonderful. Yes, I'm still hurt, sometimes angry, and still can't believe it ever happened but we are doing great. My H is better than ever,,really, perhaps better than when we first met!! He has had NO CONTACT with the OW since discovery and has shown me he is sincerely remorseful. There isn't a day that goes by now that he doesn't hug me and tell me how much he loves me. It is possible!!!<P>

Man, NC, that put a smile even on my face!!<P>Good going!<P>Lori

Thank you, NC, that's EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. It's NOT impossible! <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<BR>

terri,<P>I am a betrayer, different affairs over a 10 yr period.....and our marriage recovered...<P>I have several posts that touch on this subject and other things in Michelles forum that could be of help to you......<BR> <A HREF="http://www.weiner-davis.com/cgi-bin/Ultimate.cgi" TARGET=_blank>http://www.weiner-davis.com/cgi-bin/Ultimate.cgi</A> <P>Look in "I Need Support" Author: Pamela...Subject: 'Spending time with me'<BR>Also in the same forum are two posts by me on " Why Men Have Affairs" part 1 and part 11<P>Hope they can help a little...<P>cheers..<P>cossie<P>------------------<BR>To know who you are is to see who I am....<P>

terri,<P>male<BR>betrayed<BR>married 30 plus years.<BR>W's affair lasted 2 years - 20 years ago!<BR>Died of natural causes - ran its course - probably some guilt. The affair was so out of character for her that I was clueless!<P>Sounds like ancient history except she only told me 6 months ago. I am still on an emotional roller coaster but I love her so much that I know we will make it and have a happier life together.<P>The bad news: I honestly don't know how I would have reacted if I had found out at the time. I suspect that I may not have made it.<P>LH

Terri<BR>Them sexual part of my H's affair was supposedly only 4 months.<BR>The emotional bertayal began in 1992. That would be a lot of years. I saw it as an emotional affair from day one. Secrets, lies, four years of a hidden "friendship". It caused a lot of damage to our marriage.<BR>contact continued for months after the physical part "ended". Last contact (known) was July.<BR>The good news - my H is a better man right now than I could ever have imagined. We are closer than either of us ever thought possible. I believe we are approaching the "honeymoon" phase.<BR>One example - On Saturday he set his clock to get up early and go hunting. He turned it off and stayed home because he would rather stay in bed and cuddle me.<BR>SEE miracles do happen.

I am not sure we are in recovery...but it has been going on for 12 years...many women but several that lasted 2+ years..It has only been 4 months since I found out..we are now in the same house...been to therapy..alone..together...we really don't know what to do...he doesn't know what he can or should I say "stop himself from doing"...this does not make me feel safe...it is a hard time ...very very hard...I too am very hopeful to hear of such great accomplishments between the other members! There is so so much to forgive and forget...!I never ever suspected! I had a "breakdown". Don't remember the 1st three months after finding out..I was crazy...<P>I hope your find peace and can forgive and that there aren't too many obstacles to fall upon! If only it was "just the affair" ...but my husband was and now is a very messed up and immoral person...drugs, porn etc etc...its more than I could imagine. <P>There must be a way back...or is it foreward...I am too close and haven't got answers either!

My affair went on for over two years. We separated so he could work on his marriage. No contact for a year and a half. Then he left, filed for D and contacted me. He knew he was never to contact me again if he had not filed for D. I know they went through a lot of counseling, including Dr. H. counseling. We are now together. I honestly never expected to hear from him again.<P>Del

Female<BR>Betrayed<BR>4 year friendship/affair<P>My husband was physically involved the last two years with this OW and it ended only because I found out. This was Oct 1 so it is still fresh. He has not had any further contact with her and is very remorseful. We have not begun to recover yet I don't think because he is still beating himself up over this. It is very hard but I am confident we can get through this. I believe we were put through this trial to learn very valuable lessons and it will take time & some pain to make sure we learn them properly. Best of luck to you and to all of us who are out there trying!!

Betrayed<BR>Female<BR>Affair lasted 5-6 years<BR>Suspected for years but found out for sure by anonymous phone call<BR>Think affair is over but know they still have contact at work. H having a hard time getting through feelings for her. Thinks she is a wonderful person.<BR>H lives in an apt now but is with us almost every day.<BR>Tells me he loves me several times a day and always hugs me when he leaves. <BR>Wouldn't say we are actually in recovery but are trying to make changes<P>See profile for more details. It's pretty up to date.