I am so angry today that I can't even stand myself. I haven't felt like this ever before. I want something really bad to happen to H and/or OW. I have been thinking of all the horrible things that could happen and hope for all.<P>I am trying to avoid talking to him because I don't want to lovebust. I really want to call him and tell him what a selfish, egotistical, inconsiderate SOB he is. How could he abandon his family for his own satisfaction? What gives him the right to be happy (not sure that he is, though) and make us all so miserable while doing it? I want him to hurt like he**. I hate having these feelings, but can't seem to help it. <P>What does it take for a betrayer to see the damage that is being done? I am so upset that I think I could kill if the opportunity arose. I am still trying to stay positive and know that these feelings were bound to show up, but I don't like it at all. I want to take dd down and slap him in the face the effects this is having on her. He always told her she meant more to him than life itself...well what does that say now. If he really loved her as much as he says he does, he wouldn't have gone 4 weeks without seeing her. But he expects her to sit by the phone waiting for him to call and for her to be happy when he does. Get a life!!!!! <P>Sorry for venting, but I am just beside myself at this moment. HELP!!!! before I do something drastic!!!!!<P>Sheryl W.

Hey, Sheryl.. Go ahead and yell all you want. That's a good way to get it out (better than me if you read my post!). Anger is a good release - I've been looking for it to come, praying for it to come actually.<P>So, c'mon, kid, yell some more. Get it out. You deserve it.<P>Lori

Sheryl,<P>been there, done that! I know exactly what you are trying to deal with!! What you are experiencing is natural. You have every right to be angry enough to kill! This man has destroyed your life. He has destroyed your family. He has left "bodies" in his wake.<P>There is simply NO answer, to HOW they live with themselves. They just find ways to justify every horrible decision they make! I don't think they allow themselves to actually think about what they are doing. They avoid thinking about their actions, at all.<P>And, that is also why he hasn't seen your daughter in 4 weeks. When he is with her, he CANNOT any longer PRETEND, that what he is doing isn't hurting her. So he is avoiding seeing, even the child he loves so much. He rationalizes that it is better this way.<P>These men are in so much pain, that they are totally blinded, to the effect, that what they are doing is having on anybody else. If they had to stop and think about the repercussions of their actions, they would not be able to do them. So they will do anything NOT to deal with the truth.<P>They think that this is the only way that they can survive. They are so unhappy, that they react in desperate ways. They are not thinking straight.<P>And, we have to live with the consequences of their decisions. They unilaterally make a decision, and we get no vote. You have every right to be very angry and frustrated! Acting out your anger in fantasy, is the only healthy thing to do. I am glad that you have not picked up the phone and said any of this to him. It wouldn't help anyway. He would only use it, to fuel his reasoning, as to why he wants out.<P>I find journaling to be a very effective method for releasing all my pent-up anger. It is a safe private outlet for this.<P>Take a shower, and try and find a good movie to watch. Maybe it will help.<P>I am sorry you have to endure this too.<P>~skye

I know you rage all TOO WELL. Take some quiet time, a hot shower, a massage, read a good book. <P>do not confront or yell at them- its good that you are keeping away. Man, at the time- all i did was write. beleive you me- writing down all that crap is quite theraputic.<P>then again- posting all that s*** is a good way to get rid of it. Also, I have gotten some email adressses and used them too.<P>I posted a topic a long time ago- RAGE!!!!- look it up- you may find it useful.

Sheryl,<BR> Just read your posts. I'm still trying to understand what goes on in thier heads. Like Dr. H. says in SAA it's an addiction. Addicts can justify the craziest sort of nonsence. The getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. <BR> My W and OB went to a pumpkin patch before halloween. When she was "ending" the affair. She brought the pumpkin home. I put it in my car trunk. It staye there for three weeks. It souded like a head rolling around, I enjoyed listening to it. Then I took a magic marker a drew a charcature of OB on it. Two nights ago I finally got angry in a fit of rage I smashed it inti little tiny pieces in my driveway.IT FELT GREAT. Don't bottle your anger find some non-LB way to release it.<BR>Hang in.<P>------------------<BR>BB

Thanks to you all for your support. I haven't felt like this ever in my life. But then I have never been through something like this in my life and never want to again.<P>Lori, you are such a very special person. To be going through what you are and still be so much of a friend to everyone here says what kind of person you are. I hope your H soon realizes what a gem he has and does't wait till it is too late. Keep pluggin along!!!!<P>Skye, thanks a lot. I know that he is just avoiding his feelings, but damn it I want him to grow up and be responsible for his actions. Thanks again.<P>Covenant, I think I will do the journal. I have always used writing to help me through rough times, nothing rougher than the present. Thanks for reminding me of it.<P>WilliamJ, you brought a smile to my face, thank you for that. I can just imagine hearing that pumpkin rolling around in the trunk, too funny. Maybe I should go get a pumpkin tonight just so I can imagine it is OW's head. Thanks for the laugh, I really needed it.<P>Sheryl W.<BR>