On one hand, you have a wife and two great kids who love and need you very much. On the other hand, you have a W you have only been involved with for about 2 mos. Why was it not even a hard decision to choose the OW? Did we all mean so little to him?

Hi AD,<P>Read that the divorce went really fast for you. <P>Why not a hard decision? Looks like somebody got caught with their hand in the "cookie jar". This reminds me of a scene from "Top Gun" when the plane goes into a flat spin [discovery of affair]. Eject, eject, eject! [Get out as soon as possible, deny, deny, deny].<P>Did you guys mean so little to him? Of course not. He is in fanstasyland. The betrayers park that never closes. I'm sure that there were problems in your marriage, just like mine, that were not addressed or corrected. It takes two to tango, but, only one to start an affair.<P>I will only accept blame to a certain point. I was a bad H. She was a bad W. I didn't decide that she should go out with Brian behind my back. That was all her.<P>Don't know if this helps you or not. On the third hand take care of yourself and your two great kids.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

ALREADY DIVORCED,<P>Boy, did THIS ever strike a nerve with me!! This was the EXACT question I asked my H when I discovered, because the affair was only 2 mos. old at that time.<P>How could it be so easy to pick her?? How could it even be a contest or a choice or whatever??<P>Truth is, it is all PERCEPTION - the REALITY of the BETRAYER. Remember when you and you S first met - those first in-love, exciting feelings? That's where they are. If someone would have told you to give up your relationship with your now H at that time, you would not want or maybe even not be able to do so. Who would give up a relationship they enjoy and find exhilirating in the beginning stages of love?? No one would easily want to, in context of just this relationship.<P>What's missing from this picture is the S and the kids. Most betrayers (I was one 2 yrs. ago) are able to close the family out - and compartmentalizing is not just done by men. You push aside those feelings of family because they induce too much guilt. I knew that my EA was wrong, so the less I thought about it, the less I had to deal with it and the less guilt I had to feel. I am 99.9% sure my H is doing the same darn thing now -just compartmentalizing us out of his relationship with OW, thinking as little about us as possible so as not to have to deal with us or the guilt.<P>Suspect you H did the same thing. Did it all happen so fast and you are already divorced. I feel for you...it is so unfair....<P>Roll Me Away<P>

It's the same question we all ask. And there's no sane answer.<P>That's the hardest thing to accept.<P>Hugs and prayers coming your way.<P>Lori

The day my H said he wanted a divorce, he said he had been feeling that way for "weeks, maybe months". I was in such a state of shock that it didn't occur to me to ask at the time why he would be willing to give up a 19 year marriage and six children for a feeling he had had for such a short period of time. He also said that he couldn't help his emotions. It is like they have no control over themselves - something else has taken over their bodies.<P>