Thanks for your input. You said that you were able to push away feelings of guilt by not thinking about it. I just found out my kids met OW this weekend. I'm about to die! I thought H was feeling some guilt, now I've changed my mind. Is it possible for him to push away the guilt forever? Will he ever feel like he threw everything important away?<P>AD

Well, i can only speak for myself - NO! I did it for awhile, and when I couldn't do it anymore, I had to face it. Also, my EA ended when OM wanted to have sex and I had a moment of truth - I really love my H so I had to break off with him. During the first 6 mos. of this time, I spent very little time focused on my H, my children or how they were feeling. I even knew at some point that my H knew something was wrong with me, but I just pushed those thoughts away so as to not have to deal with htem. My H never confronted me, so I never had to deal with it (EA) until the sex issues came up with OM.<P>I still pined away for OM when it was over for a long time - 3 mos. which was a little over the length of the affair. Then another 3 mos to get feelings back for H. 9 mos. in all. I didn't even really realize what had happened until it was all over. Until my H's affair now and reading the books, going to counseling, etc., I didn't even realize I had had an EA I would have called it infatuation.<P>Already divorced - it takes a long time for the betrayer to undertand and process this. It only happens at different stages once you are PAST those stages. A betrayer has difficulty in truthfully sorting out the PRESENT. Don't know how long you have been divorced - I think I remember your post and it all happened in like 4 months from discovery to divorce. Is that correct?<P>If so, your H really hasn't had alot of time to figure things out. My H is so enmeshed in his affair, I doubt he has sorted or processed anything of signifigance. Time, time and more time <P>Here is some HOPE for you (and me ) My H's brother and his wife were married a long time, got D for 1 year and got remarried about 10 yrs ago and are doing GREAT!! He had alcohol problems and don't know if an OW was involved because they lived many states away and MIL doesn't share such info. But, I suspect yes because of the alcoholism. Also, last weekend, I went to a party and met a really nice couple - early 40's like me, and they were married, got divorced for 5 years and remarried 4 years ago! So, there's 2 couples I know who got back together!!!<P>It isn't impossible - the future is unknown to us all. But, for your ownself, work on letting go as best you can. If he comes back, GREAT and if he doesn't you can find the love you DESERVE. I know this is HARD - I am trying to do it myself, and I am so attached yet.<P>Feel free to ask any other questions, if I can help...<P>Roll Me Away<P>