Hi,<P>I've been separated since Sept 2, when I left Melbourne to move to Brisbane. I couldn't take H's to-ing and fro-ing betw. me and OW. I've only just read about Plan A and B, and maybe if I'd stayed in Melb. things may have been different, however I didn't and here I am. H still has no idea of who and what he wants, but rings everyday to talk to oldest daughter (4 yo). Sometimes I speak to him, sometimes I dont ( not to be silly or play games, but sometimes I pick up the ph. and not daughter. I'll take that one step back, he calls at the same time every day so daughter picks up the call !!) He has visited twice here in Brisbane, and both times we've ended up making love - bad mistake I know. I know I have to let him go, to set him free in order for him to find himself and what he wants. How hard is this going to be. Can I stand it. I just long for any contact (ph, email etc), but I'm determined to give H and ME the space. I feel empty inside, and feel that even if nothing works out for us, I will have found myself and will be able to move on.<BR>To date, I've been trying to offer support and encouragement, love and generally letting him know that I'm here for him. My decision to go to Plan B was prompted by his action last night. It was my fathers birthday, my family were all at my sisters home and he phoned there to talk to our daughter. He spoke with my Dad and wished him HB'day, and then slipped in to Dad that he probably wouldn't be able to get the days over Xmas off, so wouldn't be here for Xmas. This is after telling our D last weekend when he was here visiting that he would be here for Xmas. He didn't even have the decency to tell me first, and when the hell WAS he going to tell me !!<BR>I just cant take any more of the lies, the "I don't know's" the deceit, the hurt and the mixed messages -He's also sent 2 bouquets of roses over the last 6 weeks.<P>Do you guys think Plan B is my best option, given that we've already separated, and that we're 1000 kms apart ?<P>Thanks for your input<P>Jo

Jo,<P>you're in such a difficult spot, it's so hard to know what's the "right" thing to do! It certainly sounds like you are making wise decisions. He obviously still loves you, despite his confused state.<P>You sound like you have thought this through thoroughly, and are handling it with alot of maturity. I think that your plan sounds perfect. You are offering him love and kindness and friendship...and space.<P>I agree with you, no matter what happens with your marriage, you will be in a good position to continue your life. It is wise of you to have a contigency plan yourself.<P>He was probably too afraid to tell you the truth aboout Christmas, so he took the cowardly way out, and let your dad do the dirty work for him. Maybe, as it gets closer, he will realize that he needs to be with his family during the holidays, and arrange to have the time off.<P>But, I am so glad to hear that you have your family there to support you through this. You sound like you are doing very well with this...all things considered. You should be proud of yourself.<P>You've got your priorities straight!<P>Good luck.<P>~skye

Thanks for the response Skye.<P>Why do you say he obviously still loves me, despite his confused state ?<BR>I can't see it anymore.<BR>Jo

Hi, Jo. Since you're so far apart, it'll be a little easier, but remember that plan b is a "no contact" thing too. If you're sure you're ready (and only you will know) and you can stick to it, then, by all means, trust your judgement.<P>You've been really strong and smart so far. You can trust your instincts.<P>Hugs and prayers to you.<P>Lori

Hi jo,<P>Well, all I can tell you is you must do what you think is best.<BR>I am on Plan B. Not necessarily to get my H back, but to get ME back. This on again off again thing was getting to be too much for me.<BR>If you are prepared for 'no contact', then you should go to Plan B.<BR>Plan B is mostly designed to give the betrayed breathing room, to deal w/ all the issues, the deceit, the lies, the hurt and pain. It is to help you focus on YOURSELF.<BR>You sound like a very strong woman. <BR>I wish you good luck.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl<P>PS- "Down-Under" huh? I have wanted to visit there since I was 10 yrs old. That was 26 years ago-I haven't made it yet. Maybe soon!<BR>Good luck

Hi! Jo,<P>I think he loves you because when you're together, you two are very attracted to each other. You still desire physical closeness. And, he still feels emotionally close to you. <P>And, any man who sends TWO bouquets of roses, in the past 6 weeks, clearly is thinking about you quite fondly! A very thoughtful gesture.<P>A man doesn't make a gesture like that, unless he still has deep feelings for a woman. But, we both know, that gestures alone are NOT ENOUGH. He has to be committed to being a full-time H, who is capable of being faithful.<P>He's not at that point yet, but perhaps the time and space will open his eyes to how much he will be losing.<P>I think your plan sounds well-thought out.<P>Good luck!<P>~skye<p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited November 14, 1999).]