Last night I wrote H a letter and left it in his car. I went into detail about the nightmares dd has, how she is withdrawing, her confusion, how she feels he lied to her, etc. I told him about school stuff for 15 yr old (his stepson, my son) and that I am STILL here waiting. It was very explicit about dd's trama, that she said it was her fault, she blames her cleft, etc. Now I don't know if I did the right thing. I didn't beg him to come home, just let him know we all miss him and love him.<P>When I talked with him a little while ago, he said he had received the card from a few days ago, but not this one, yet. <P>He said that after he gets his Nokia assignment for the week, he may be able to come see her. Of course, I have heard that kind of excuse for the past 4 weeks. He asked about her, told him it was touchy. We talked about his work for a few minutes, when he was ready to go, I asked him if there was any hope for us...(I know, it was stupid, leaving myself wide open for hurt, but) he said "I don't know". When we got ready to hang up I said "I love you" and he said "I know you do". I feel like this is better than "k". I feel a smidge better tonight, but not enough to make a difference. To me this is MUCH better than when I first talked to him and he said "no!" to any hope for us. <P>I am truly not an evil person, but I really wish OW would fall off the face of the earth. <P>I read Divorce Busting and gleamed a lot of info from it, I think along with all of Dr. Harley's books I may be able to continue on.<P>Thanks for listening.<P>Sheryl W.

Sheryl,<P>Well, in my book, it is NEVER wrong to let your S know you still love them. But, if your H is still confused or waffling, you can do too much. I know that I did too much to try to fix things between H and myself and only ended up driving him further away.<P>The confused and wafflers, whether they are the betrayer or the betrayed generally need time and breathing room. They havfe to figure it out and sort it out all by themselves. There is nothing we can do to hurry it along or make them do it on our time table. We can not force the situation. Believe me, if it were possible, ALL of us would have done so by now.<P>The letter I think is good. He may have his own issues to work out, but he still needs to know the impact of his decisions and choices - those kids still need him in their life. He has responsibilities to them. If he feels some guilt over it, then maybe he should because the teens' actions and feelings are in fact attributable to the current situation. I don't believe in manipulative guilt-laying (and I have done this to my H and he pointed it out as very, very unattractive), but the reality-based guilt is a by-product of his current actions and choices. if it makes him uncomfortable or upset, oh well - he is an adult.<P>You sound like you are doing really good - all things considered. Let us know if mentions this latest letter and how he reacted.<P>Best of luck...<P>Roll Me Away

Thanks Roll Me Away,<P>I am feeling better today. I have laid out some goals that I think will help me deal with daily life. Some of them will definitely hit a cord with him. But overall, they are for my children and myself.<P>I think I have a job at a casino, will know on Monday. That will definitely keep me busy and not thinking so many hours of the day and night.<P>The weight loss has been great, hope to continue losing. I am going to start contacting some friends and get out of this house a few nights a week. I think that I am ready to be less accessible to him. But, now comes the hard part of actually following through without losing all hope.<P>Are there any of you who have photos anywhere? It would be kinda nice to "see" who is "listening and being so supportive". We have pics at <A HREF="http://www.widesmiles.org/gallery/britanie" TARGET=_blank>www.widesmiles.org/gallery/britanie</A> if anyone is interested. <P>Well, hope everyone has at least a good day, if not a great one.<P>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.