It's been awhile since I've been here. Thought things were going well. Then, found out from a casual acquaintance that H's truck has been at her office a few times. I confronted him. He swears nothing happened and she was just "someone to talk to". Well, who in the H*** am I???<BR>It's now 7:30...I've been up since 4:00am. Had a horrific dream and woke up crying. Dreamt that they finally admitted they loved each other, have been sleeping together, and everyone knew but me!<BR>Still crying as a matter of fact.<BR>I am about at the end of my rope. Nothing I do seems to be working. He refuses counseling. We have no lovelife....<BR>I feel like a leper...or worse. Wondering when I should call it quits. I really want to confront her, my so-called best friend...the person I grew up with and told all my secrets and dreams and fears to...and ask her "WHY"??? Even if all it is is an emotional affair, WHY would she do this to me?? The last time I saw her, she said over and over "you are the important one here and I would never do a thing to hurt you". She PROMISED to call me if H contacted her in any way, shape or form! So...WHY???<BR>I've been having alot of negative thoughts lately....about myself...my false sense of worthlessness. No, I would never do a thing to hurt myself...because I honestly believe it would only be as a vengeance towards H and HER...and they don't deserve it. But, the thoughts are there constantly and they scare me. <BR>Sorry...felt the need to ramble and rant and rave...this is the only place that feels safe enough to do it.<BR>Thank you.
