Thanks for the replies, <BR>She doesn’t understand my need to know who he is, although I have tried to explain it, I guess I need it for closure. I feel I have a right to know. I love her very much but sometimes I get angry about what she put me through and it shows but she thinks I am in a bad mood or stressed from work. I would love to tell her that I sometimes feel this way, but I know she would become defensive and bring up that she is trying to make it up to me, which she is, but I still have these feelings. I know she is living with the guilt and would like it to just go away, but it doesn’t<P><BR>Sheryl: Your right, nagging is lovebusting and I certainly don’t want to do anything to undo every thing we have accomplished, but I know she won’t tell me on her own. <P>Paul: My heart goes out to you and hope things work out for you.<P>WhoDat: I think I do have every right to know<BR>

I agree you do have that right...its part of the honesty. I was actually releived when I found out at least at first...the mind has such a great imagination! When I saw that she was fatter and rude and well...cheap....I felt better but then I realized my husband liked that kind of stuff!!! <P>I asked lots of questions! I needed to ask until I didn't care about the topic anymore. Then it became more about him...why, how he was feeling..more of an empathy thing, but I had to have the dirt 1st.

That's exactly the problem, and why <B>knowing</B> is actually better: your imagination will likely make it even worse than reality.<P>I don't think you're doing either your W or your marriage any favors by <B>not</B> letting her know you feel this way… in a non-LoveBusting way. If you don't, it will come back to bite you years down the road, as your resentment grows.<P><BR>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die<p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited November 14, 1999).]