The two oldest have no respect and really dislike their dad. He fights with them as if he were a child...he even HAD to win at "Pretty-Pretty Princess" game, yep he got all the jewelry!!!had the crown on, the whole nine yards.<P>The two little ones think he is just another kid and they aren't phased...but as soon as they get into prepuberty my H becomes very competitive....made the 11 year old cry because she only knows Algebra 1 and not calculous....yeah he is very critical, once they get a clue I am damned if I do and if I don't...half want him out of here, this has nothing to do with the infidelities! half say he just acts bratty but they don't seem militant...<P>He is off the wall, says sexually inapproprriate stuff in front of the kids...I guess this is when the puberty stage gets mad...<P>I am trying to figure how to even be friends and the kids are ready to get their own lawyer.<P>I have told them that this is an adult decision, so they never have this on their houlders when they grow up. They want mom to be an activist....but the sanctitiy of marriage when do we know when it is spiritualy right to throw in the towel? And when is it right for the kids?<P>If it weren't for them I would have left long ago...the abuse has been terrible! But they never saw it I was careful and since he has been unfaithful for 12 years (I assumed he was a workaholic and with time he would get older and better)....(just found out 4 months ago)<P>Do kids ever really have more sense? The logical me says get a good lawyer! NO MORE ABUSE. I have been drugged for sex, injected. So many bad things... but the kids have no idea. They are coming from their own feelings of their relationship with their dad. We have all been to therapy, the kids therapist says that they are very smart "together" children (she said I did a great job-even with the homeschooling) and that he is using them to hurt me. And that it isn't right...so he is getting therapy but I have no idea what he is working on...his psychiatrist says that why should he stay with a woman that does not make him happy...I think he is trying to get my husband to agree to divorce...by making me a bad guy...the therapists talk to each other. <P>Am I still being manipulated? Why can't I just do it? I tell myself it is the holidays and then I will be strong...he will be made to leave and we will decide how to go on...<P>In the meantime we are playing family with the kids in the middle, some hating him and others playing Pokeman with him...I feel as though I am in an asylum! <P>I just had major surgery 2 weeks ago...don't know if it was due to sexual abuse or not...doesn't matter...I am now taking care of myself...lots of stitches and can't drive and so on..97lbs., when I get strong again I will know...but in the meantime I know the kids need good role models...I can't make up for both of us. <P>Do kids often know? I mean it is really uncomfortable. Have any of you had this type of reaction from your children? My parents didn't divorce...we worried every time they fought...my oldest ones love it if we disagree or I stand up for myself...they LIKE IT! The younger ones stay in their room <BR>and don't listen in...we don't argue in front of the kids...I think the kids have no respect for their dad, if they knew about the bad stuff they would have none for me! Maybe they don't...abusive relationships are hard as I need to feel more self-esteem...I am getting better...next year!

OK, we gotta back up a few years here to my first marriage. He was an alcoholic, drug addict and abuser. We had a beautiful little girl. I really thought she didn't have a clue, that I had kept everything so carefully hidden.<P>I finally got up my courage and we sat her down together and told her mommy and daddy weren't gonna live together anymore, but we both loved her, you know....... Anyway, she looked at him and said "Daddy's gonna live here?" Yes. "Mommy and I are gonna live in the new house?" Yes. "I can see daddy if I want to sometimes?" Whenever you want. "And Mommy's not gonna hurt anymore ever again!!" I almost died, right then and there. She was, I though, grounded and wonderful for a wee one, but the change in her a year later was phenominal!! Even her pediatrician commented on the improvement!<P>Your kids know. Your kids feel your pain. You do what's best for you, they'll benefit. I am a strong supporter of marriage, but abuse is a completely different subject.<P>Trust your judgement.<P>Take care of yourself.<P>Lori