I'm pretty new here, "this time", was here two years ago and thought my Ws affair was over. WRONG, she's kept it up, 3 years now, and wants out.<P>What's interesting is this time, I've found the strength to follow the ideas here, SO FAR and it's already worked some I think.<P>She's going to move out but there's not date set and she for the FIRST TIME in the whole affair opened to me last night... In other words she told me two things that drove her away... She NEVER said a word before.<P>My question is, based on all the experiences here, Have we just moved from withdrawl back to conflict? I asked her today on the phone if it bothers her I'm trying again and she said "it's fine". I said did you think last night was as earth shaking as me... she said YES.<P>Do I just continue No Lovebusters now, don't even mention NOT seeing him etc... just keep talking, working, trying and keep the faith... this seems the best course but I'm so scared.

TexasMan:<P>Yes, learning new behaviors and avoiding lovebusters is the right path. Discussing the OM in small doses may be appropriate, if you can demonstrate "good" behavior while doing it.<P>It's hard to get used to, especially under the circumstances, but it can yield big payoffs. And she's already noticing---that's an encouraging sign.

Whew, she's even called me twice from work today too, that's kind of odd for the last two years. OM is a co worker and she's been seeing him each night after work for an hour or so for about 3 years.<P>GOD I wished I'd had the strength to follow all this better when I learned of it 2 years ago. She said it was over, Ahhhh denial, and I trusted her... should've known.<P>I appreciate everyone one here so much.

Texas,<P>The key to this program is to do the work. Regardless of what your spouse is doing. It's the dreaded personal growth opportunity. It often ends up saving the marriage, but even if it doesn't, you'll end up much better off emotionally for going through the process.

K, I know and somehow, via the grace of God I have the strength so far this time around. I feel better about me, just for "hanging in" this time. I've been a perfect gentleman and I've gotten from, "I'm moving out next week" to "well I'm not sure when". I'm just glad for some small signs of movement.<P>This is such an amazing forum. I've learned so much already but just reading and tossing in my few "pennies" worth.<BR>

TexasMan, How did you discover it wasn't over?<P>------------------<BR>

Hey Tex,<BR>I know that right now you are probably feeling very vuneralble to her. You want her to stay so badly, that you would do almost anything. I there is one thing that I have learned, it is you most let them go. You need time to deal with all of the emotions that are going on inside of you, and she must do the same. My H moved out tonight. I'm ok now, after the shock wore off. Don't do any lovebusting, that will only make her see the side of you she doesn't like. Do your best to remain calm when you talk to her. Don't call her, let her call you. Be strong. Everyone here knows what you are going through.<BR>God Bless,<BR>cc

ceecee...<P>Thanks for the words.<P>Damn, you're so right I was just about a Perfect PLAN A all week but we went to the movie last night and I just LOST IT finally, now she's ready to move out ASAP. I know what you're telling me is right, but I just wanna curl up and die...<P>Trying....