I have been lurking here for the most of 1999 but this is my first post. The W and I had problems unrelated to infidelity, but I guess the end of my post will allow it to quality for this forum. We first separated back in May when I was told to get out. I was allowed to move back in a few days later. Then in July she moved out of state for a month and decided to come back. Tried Harley's books and counseling but things did not get better. We filed the papers for the big D and she again moved out of state with out two kids. W has been gone a little over a week and called today to say she wants to come home. She said that she has now seen the light and knows that she has treated me wrong and wants to try again. I gave her a list of things I saw that she needed to change before she could come home and she said she didn't have any problems with them. She sounded really sincere and cried when she told me she loved me. Now my problem is this, I went out on a date last week with this beautiful women since I thought our marriage was completely dead. I had the best time on this date that I have had in years. I keep thinking about this women and I know it's just the fantasy but it is really distorting my view on things. I need some advice on what to do! I worried if I let they wife come back again and she doesn't change, I'll miss the chance with the OW. And then the reverse of the situation. Please blast me or what-so-ever, I just need my head straighten out!

With kids, I'd be inclined to try reconciliation.<P>If it doesn't work, you are kidding yourself to think this woman you dated is the only fish in the sea.<P>P

Furina,<P>You already know what the right thing to do is. The tone of your letter seems to be asking for support to make it easier. In no way am I saying that it is not right that you should ask for that support. It is right. Look, OW is very attractive right now and may be a fantasy throughout any reconciliation. She may even be a regret when things get tough between you and W. Be realistic, OW is more attractive because she is willing to meet some of your improtant needs. Give your wife a chance to do that again... It may not seem all that exciting but in a way, that is what you said you would do when you married her in the first place. Ask your God for advice and then spend the time to listen to the answers.

Hi Furina,<P>As Johnny 5 once said, need more input. Your profile is mightly slim.<P>Shooting off the hip, What do you want to happen with your life, marriage and two children? What is the end result you are looking for? What can you live with?<P>Your turn.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Stile:<BR> Wow, you're good! I called and told her she could come back. She has a 13 hour drive, so I know it won't be a good atmoshpere the first day or two.<P>Medic:<BR>I want my family back. But I also can't go through the h@ll and torture again. (I don't see how some on this board can go through what they do.) She has told me several times that she would not change the way she is. Now, after a talk with my FIL she says she will change and now knows what she was doing wrong (lovebusting). He told her the same things that I have been telling her for the last couple of years, but I was always wrong. I have cried my tears and mentally readied myself for the upcoming divorce. I want her back....I just can't go through this again.