Hello everyone. I have a little bit of brightness for all of you. I was going through the discovery of an affair by my spouse (that later turned out to have been 5 affairs in 7 years) within the last year. I was on this board almost daily from about March (when I found it) while suspecting through April (14 -- the day I "found OUT") and on through the beginning of the summer. Now, I am about 6/7 months "out." And, I promise you, IT DOES GET BETTER. I don't cry every hour now, or even every day. I don't dread the sun rising and facing another day of hel#. I don't lose control of my emotions and my temper (nearly as much). I don't see the future as hopeless and bleak. <BR>I now am beginning to see the positives that have come from this life change. I am more assertive in my marriage. I feel like an equal partner. I used to always feel that I "loved him more" than he loved me. Now, I feel that love is equal. I don't worry and wonder about "what if he ever cheats on me?" Because he has, and I have survived what I never thought I would survive and I have emerged stronger, more capable, and more loving (believe it or not). Our sex life is better (no, there was NOT a problem with it before the affair, thus causing the affair as society would have you believe -- I just enjoy it more because I feel safer with him and I feel like I really KNOW him). H is not on a pedastal anymore. He is o.k. as a mere human being with faults. (PLUS, there is the added bonus that lots of people think I'm a saint for staying with him). Honestly, folks, as hard as it is to believe, I have a BETTER marriage now than I ever had before. I really mean it. Sure, there are still bad days. I may come back on here three days from now ready to throw in the towel, BUT, as I said, these days are just passing moments now, overall, the situtation is amazing. I still get sad and mourn what is lost: my innocence, my trust, my perfect image of h. But, what I have gained in self-esteem and a renewed commitment to marriage is worth the struggle. NO, I am NOT glad he did it. We could have taken a much easier route to our current happy state of marriage. But, I try to dwell on why it is good we are HERE, not why it was SO BAD getting here. Also, as I scrolled your entries tonight, I noticed only ONE name I recognized from the past, so OTHERS must be healing too. YOU WILL TOO. STAY WITH IT. STAY STRONG. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS -- WITH or WITHOUT your spouse.<BR>Sometimes I get worried what will happen if he does it AGAIN. You know what, he might. But, I can't control his actions. I can only control mine and how I will respond to what h or anyone else does. And THAT, my friends, is what I concentrate on now.<BR>GOOD LUCK AND LOTS OF LOVE.

sis-<BR>I'm not here too much lately. I'm trying to stop obsessing about my marriage and this board just fuels the obsession. But I remember you and just wanted to say I'm glad things are going well! I'm heading towards divorce myself, but feeling better about it every day. <BR>Stay well!<BR>-Annie

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I try to believe that there are no wrong choices in life. Every choice is for a reason. Yes, my H chose an affair, but you know what, I have grown up overnight. I have become more of a woman than I ever thought possible and I have begun to love myself for who I am. No an affair is not the answer, but if your S has one, then look on the positive. Thank you. I hope to be in your shoes one day.

Thanks for the words of encourangement. I'm in one of those "valleys" right now, and your post really comes at a good time.<P>All the best to you and your S for a successful journey!<P>-- keystone

Hi Sis,<P>thanks for your bright and cheerful words. I needed to hear them.<P>I've just implemented Plan B - just got back from posting the last loving letter he will receive from me, but I still have hope. I think I read somewhere that while there is still hope, there is still a chance.<BR>I feel in my heart that he does still love me (its a feeling that I can base on nothing) but its just a feeling. I'm trying to pray for him, and for us, and hoping that someone who has my grand plan in his hands will hear.<P>I'm so delighted for you and your H, and really hope that one day I'll be posting the same sort of thing here to give others the support and strength to go on like you've just given me.<P>Have a lovely happy life. all my best wishes,<P>Jo