The lies keep coming...things are bad...BRIEF <BR>RECAP OF MY SITUATION - OW left our place of business 10/30 - He promised me there would be more more contact but since then ----- he has admitted to phone calls between them (he says about business...I say no way) and as I was getting ready to do the bookkeeping for our business last night, I find out that she has been in the shop...no doubt for more sex...after work....This week the father of one of the clients of the shop died...apparently he asked her to write down the client's address on a sticky...be brought it home...I compared her handwriting (although I know her handwriting by heart) and its definately hers...I called him up and<BR>I pointed out that this is proof that its not over and that everything he tells me is a lie...he says its another girls handwriting....I called my 17 y.o. daughter and asked her to compare and she said there is no doubt about who wrote this...after this <BR>things are cold between us....I caught him in a serious lie...he had promised no contact...but the contact continues and so does the affair...my daughter said she has no respect for him anymore...he has also lied to his own daughter...swearing to her it was over...he lied to his mother...telling her it was over...but I always had serious doubts...I did not go downstairs to watch TV with him last night...I stayed on my side of the bed all night...I came to work this morning and he pretended to be sleeping (today is his day off...more sex with OW)...there is nothing more he can say to me...I feel there is no marriage...the marriage is broken...it is pretty obvious to me who is important to him...he does not lie to her, he lies to me....I can honestly say that any love I had for him is dead...I wish I could leave...why pretend on both parts ?

sadforever,<P>You said <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> he does not lie to her, he lies to me <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Believe me, he lies to her, too. If he is lying to you and everyone else, what makes you think that he is being honest with her? I have a lot of experience with liars (my father, for one). Liars don't single out certain people to lie to, they lie to everyone, sometimes to the point where they lie so often, and they are so good at it that they actually start to believe their own lies.<P>Your H needs help. I think that right now you are just hurt and confused. Take it slowly, don't jump into a divorce just yet. I believe in my heart that all of us here want to save our marriages...why else would we be here? I think you want to save your marriage, too. And it can be done....really, it can be. I think you know this. Hang in there...tomorrow is another day. Please don't make any rash decisions that will affect the rest of your life.<P>Be strong.<P>Gabbie

What is your plan?

I feel too that you want to save your marriage. Vent here and let the anger out. I am kinda new to this. I found out about my H affair about 7 weeks ago. He lied to me when he could not meet me and kids for a football game and took her out to dinner instead, a innocent one he said. I found the credit card recipt and confronted him. He too had promised not to see her again. That was when I found out they had had sex and not just a emotional affair. I lost it completely and now he is living with his folks. If I had not of lost it he might still be here working on our marriage. So do not do anything rash.<BR>Yes he hurt you, yes you have a right to be mad, yes you are broken and tired but he is the confused one. He is the one who cannot see through the fog. What gets me is these O/W, why in the Hell can they not leave a married man alone who is trying to save their marriages. I guess because they are selfish, clingy and cannot go own with their own lives and just keep taking ours down with them. Don't let that happen, be the winner here. Let out the anger for your self, not him. It will a hard day for you I will check later to see how you are doing.

I have said this in at least one other post here...and I really believe this in my heart..so I made it my signature. <P>I hope you can see the truth in this statement...because you can live by it, too. <P>*HUGS* for you today, sadforever.<P>------------------<BR>I can be the bitter woman, or the better woman...I choose to be the better woman.

Hi Gabbie, Nonplused, and my3kids: Thanks to all for the reply, it makes me feel good...<P>Gabbie - He probably does lie to the OW, I just feel that his loyalties lie with her not me. He probably tells her he doesn't have sex with me or that our relationship means nothing to him...that she is the one he loves. Don't forget...he doesn't stop at anything with his lies...not even his own<BR>daughter.<P>Nonplused - I am in a state of "limbo"...don't want to hurt my kids, especially daughter. I love my kids more than life itself. Can't afford to leave, except if I get a second weekend job to help pay the rent. I have no money of my own. In the past he has told me that if I leave its without the kids...I could not abandon my kids.<P>My3kids - I really don't want to give up...but I also don't want to be at home waiting for him. Its not fair...he should let me go if she is really the one he is loyal to, the one he loves, the one he really wants to be with, he one he calls his "best friend"...I don't want to be second in line...I just feel like crying...

S/F:<P>I've been a betrayer who has been trying to go straight, but sometimes W's bitterness is a big drawback. I know I lost her trust once but I would like to have it back. Unfortunately, she always thinks the worst and makes groundless accusations. She snoops and she conjures up images which couldn't be farther from the truth. Sometimes I find myself lying just to avoid the subject. That doesn't mean I'm doing anything wrong it just means that I want to escape the confrontation. Call it avoidance or what you will but don't jump to the wrong conclusions without having some firm proof, OK?<P>Times are hard enough as it is without adding to the stresses by letting your mind get away from you.<P>Flip

i just want you to know that i know EXACTLY how you feel.<BR>the more H is home, though, the more the feeling fades.<BR>it took a year from first discovery for him to end it with her, and it still must not be totally over, or her piano would not be in my living room---and you should have heard some of the things i have called it, "giant engagement ring" is the best. seriously, it seems like if he cared about my feelings at all, he would have her get it out of here.i have to step back and realize that he is home more now, and seems to love me and the kids, and i KNOW he lied to her as much as he did to me...<BR>and then i have to take valium before i can even see him to keep from screaming and accusing.<BR>life has just too darned many ups and downs, yeah?<P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#" TARGET=_blank>www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#</A> atp-113<P>

While I cannot relate to your personal feelings. My father did something similar to my own family. He lied to me repeatedly over and over when I confronted him about the OW. Even through my sobs and pleas...he still looked at me stoically and lied. Nothing can repair that pain, and even after almost a year, I have found that I cannot make it go away. <P>I can only tell you certain things that have helped me and maybe will help you or your daughter. I try with every interaction with my father to not allow him to control me. What I mean is I refuse to allow him to hurt or upset me. WHile this often does not work. When I find myself in the depths of darkness, this is what holds me back, the truth that I have allowed him to make me feel this way. <P>Hopefully your husband will stop anything with this OW and work on his relationships with you and your daughter. I wished that I would have at least had that time to heal from my parents divorce rather than being thrown into the realization of him being with the OW all the time. <P>My mother and you could share a lot of tears, but I think she would also tell you that there are several stages in dealing with this. My mother has focused on her own self and voice. Remember that you have yours as well. When things get rough and the pain doesn't seem to subside, focus on breathing. It sounds weird but it sometimes works. A breath is a wonderful thing, and if you just focus on breathing calmly, this sometimes helps in finding solace. <P>There's nothing more that I wish than I could take this pain away from you and your daughter...but in times like this the two of you need to focus on healing yourselves and doing what is necessary for that to happen. <P>I will be thinking and praying for you and I hope that happiness and solace finds you and your daughter.