Well, we had a fight yesterday. Both of us angry....over something STUPID!!!<P>We're having new floorcovering put down in our den next week, so we were moving stuff out into the rest of the house. I was supposed to have cleared everything out Saturday, but had a bug and threw up everything I ate almost all day. I <B>did</B> get the grandkids' room cleaned up and rearranged and moved the kids' computer from the den to their room and emptied a bookshelf unit and moved it in between bouts of throwing up. I also did the laundry, cleaned out the refrigerator, cleaned the bathrooms, and did the dishes, along with some other stuff. So, I guess he was sorta ticked off that I didn't do the whole den on Saturday. Anyway, yesterday, I was finishing up emptying the bookshelves, and came back into the den. He had gathered up the tablecloth on the end table, with everything on the table in it, and was preparing to dump it somewhere. I said, "Honey, let me get that stuff so I can wash the tablecloth." He got mad and jumped all over me. Apparently, he felt that I was telling him he "wasn't doing it right." I was so mad that I was glaring at him, even as I was trying to keep my mouth shut. He told me to stop looking at him like that and that I was just wanting to start my s***. I told him, "Well, we're back to where I'm not "allowed" to show any anger toward you." He said, "No, I'm the one who's not supposed to show any anger toward you." I told him that showing anger was OK, but being hateful and mean was not, and that I was pretty tired of walking on eggshells around him myself. Our son came over to help move the furniture. As they were moving another bookshelf unit to the living room, H asked me, "Am I doing this right?" I told him to quit being a smart@$$.<BR> Later in the afternoon, he walked by me and kissed me. Last night, he apologized. I told him that I wasn't meaning any criticism of him over moving the stuff off the table.<P> There were a few other things said by him. I didn't say much, because I was afraid that I would really let him have it if I opened my mouth.<P> Basically, from the things he said, it seems that being nice and polite to me is a strain. To tell the truth, I think the affection is a strain, too. I told him about the "10-second kiss"; but, he seems to think that it's "silly", and I have to ask him for them. Left to him, our goodbye kisses would only be 3-4 pecks in succession and usually are just that.<P> I'm wondering if seeing Cafe Woman at the Halloween party set him further back into withdrawal. He seems to have been distancing himself a bit since then.<P> As for me, I was feeling last night that I deserve more than to just having him "cater to" me in order to appease me. I want the <B>real thing</B>!!!<P> I wanted to talk to him last night about some of the feelings I have, but he started complaining of how bad he felt--wondering if he was having a heart attack because he was hurting under his left arm to wondering if he was fixing to have a stroke because his head hurt so badly. (He is somewhat of a hypochondriac.) Anyway, I told him that I'd take him to the ER, but he refused to go. Now, I'm expecting him to come up with this "You don't care if I'm sick" business. I do care if he's sick, and I'm sure he does feel bad at times, but all I can do is offer to get him his medicine and take him to the doctor. If I fuss over him, he complains about that. If he goes to the doctor, the doctor usually can't find anything wrong with him, so then the doctor doesn't know what he's talking about. When he was in denial about having borderline diabetes, he said the doctors were quacks (because they said no drinking?). He got mad at me a couple of years ago because I told him that if he wouldn't do what the doctors said, I didn't want to hear him complain.<P>What am I gonna do with this guy?

Sounds like the ol 'can't live with em, can't live with out em' deal to me.<P>Have you read the book "Divorce Busting"? It's real good even if you are not contemplating divorce. I like a section where it talks about the "butterfly effect" The concept that a butterfly in South America can flap it's wings and before it's over can cause a tornado in Texas. Understand? Try something small and see if it does have this effect.<P>Perhaps yours and his expectations are too high right now. Egg shells suck but must be endured for awhile. But this tip toeing gives us the skills we'll need later on. Good luck<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

hi sweetpea,<BR>pardon the inappropiateness, but I am just cracking up at your post! Really I am.<BR>Just look how far the two of you have come since we first met?!?!?! Back then it was a major war.....this was only a slight skirmish. You two have done so well. <BR>In fact you are doing so well that he wants to bicker over how to move furniture? Pretty big difference between then and now. <BR>He really had to search deep to find that point to argue over. Maybe next time he would like to discuss how short to cut the grass? <BR>I think you are over-reacting. If being nice to you is a strain, he will get over it sooner or later. It will become a habit for him. Stay calm, keep your sense of humor. <BR>(((hugs))) cl

See my new thread, "The Plot Thickens", for more....

hi sweetpea....cannot find the new thread on my puter?