I would really like to know a few things.<BR>For those of you who the betrayer moved out and said there was "No Way to make the marriage work"....how many of them changed their minds? What were the first signs of them reconsidering? How long before they began to reconsider?<P>PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!<P>Thanks.<P>Sheryl W.

mitme - I think it is different in each case and of course probably depends on whether the betrayer moved in with the op; whether the op is married too etc. Anyway - my story...I had no idea H was having an affair; believed he was just cranky and overworked. End of January H came home and out of the blue said he was moving out; there was no hope for our marriage and he refused to put any effort into trying to salvage it. He left for one day. Two days later he agreed to go to counseling with me - but only to explain with a therapist present the reasons for his leaving. He denied there was anyone else. We went to counseling for the next six weeks. He hardly spoke to me; was very depressed and still said there was no hope. He hated it when I asked him what he was feeling; whether there was any hope etc. During those six weeks he also went away three nights. It was like living with a corpse. Week seven in counseling he dropped another bomb - there have been other women throughout our marriage; the last one he just recently broke it off with but they were and are "really close". That was the day he began to work on our marriage - or at least said he would try. He agreed to give it six months. ....that was eight months ago and he is still here.<BR> Simone

My Wife has been gone for nine months. She hasn't actually said the marriage can't work, just that she doesn't even want to try.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Simone, thanks for the reply. I know that every situation is different, but it really is helpful to read about other people and the things that take place to kinda see where things may go here. Does that make any sense? Sometimes I feel like I am the only one ging through this even though I know that I am not. I am just trying to get a view of some of the paths that my life may take and maybe even see or hear something that may help me get through another day. Thanks again!!<P>Chris, Thanks for the response. Has she given you a reason for not wanting to make it work? Do you see any signs that she may be reconsidering? Do you feel like there is any hope on either side? I pray that things will work out for you.<P>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.

My W just came home last week. It has been a trying ordeal from the beginning. Several things gave me hope but I would have settled for any one of them. 1.She would always say she loved me (if in person) 2.While she would say for me to file for divorced if I asked if she was sure she would hesistate and usually say I don't know. 3.She kept coming around.<P>My views, good luck in yours

She says she doesn't love me. SHe also says that wankboy (the om) has NOTHING to do with it, but she can't see because she is blinded by love. Ecchhhh!<P>Is she reconsidering? I don't know. She has only tried to dicuss divorce once & I let into her, so she hasn't brought it up since.<P>Steve Harley told me that she (most likely) isn't filing for divorce is because she is not so sure it's the right thing AND wankboy is not showing any commitment on his part, ie. urging her to divorce so they can get married. She did tell me in the past that she knows she would probably regret it in a year or two. So why do it?<P>I try to pick up on ANYTHING she says that might be construed as having second thoughts, but there's not much contact so I don't get a bunch.<P>I definitely feel there is hope based on statistics. Private Lies and a few other books make a very good case for holding on as long as you can, IF you want to work it out.<P>It's rough but I'm still waiting. For me, for her, for the children. For her to come back or for me to get through the process of separation and healing.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Paul, I am SOOOOO happy for you. I hope things work out well for you and your wife. I pray for the day that my H comes home!!!! I would be thrilled if my H showed any of the signs you saw. How long was the separation? Did she actually move out? If so, was she living w/ OM?<P>Again, good luck!!!!!<P><BR>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.

Chris, My heart goes out to you. I truly wish that this never happened to anyone of us. <P>I also try to read something into everything H says. Upon discovery (4 weeks ago), he said it was over, no discussion. Last week when I asked him if he ever thought that maybe he was making a mistake, he said he tried not to think about it, but had a couple of times. I read into that, he is having second thoughts. But who knows. I really wish I had some concrete answers.<P>Over that past 4 weeks I have bought almost every one of Dr. Harley's books, along with Divorce Busting. I feel that there is hope, just the days seem to never end. The depression is horrible. I just want to wake up and have everything back to "normal", what ever that is. <P>My thoughts and prayers are with you.<P>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.

This is the fourth time she's come back. She stays a few days and leaves. When she leaves she does live with OM. It started Sept. 10, 1999. It ended... ? It ended the day I let go, one way or the other, it ended.<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

AMEN to that Paul,<BR> Every piece of advice I got from my friends that don't trust the word of God blew up in my face!!! I truly believe it's God's will for Robin and I to be married and his will for us WILL happen only problem is it's in His time not mine> Ouch, thats whats hard,however My faith has NEVER been stronger.<P>Love Ya'll, Keep hanging in.<P>------------------<BR>BB

Mitme,<BR>My W has been gone for 4 months now. For the first 2 she wouldn't even talk to me. It was very hard, Only recently have we been talking about us and even gone out on a few dates. <P>I think it is different for everybody, Times vary for each situation. My W however is still not commited to "US" and still is enjoying the single life (dating), She still is unsure as to what she wants, To be married or not. That is the question for her, I know the answer for me. <P>Good luck.......<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

Paul, Are you saying that there is NO hope at this point? Are you ending it? I can't even imagine what you have been going through, but are you still staying positive that this will be "THE" time? Prayers and thoughts go out to you.<P>WilliamJ, I understand that it it God's will. I know that I can't do this alone, but I would really appreciate it if H would at least think about what he is doing. Keep up the faith.<P>Rutger, I feel that I am in the same situation. I do speak with H about every 2-3 days, on the phone. I haven't seen him in person since discovery, 4 weeks ago. He says that he is too busy and can't get away. However, daughter is asking why he can have enough time for OW and not enough for her or us. Is she living with OM? Are there children involved? My prayers and thoughts are with you also.<P>God Bless you and yours,<P>Sheryl W.