I am constantly bringing up that the OW in our marriage was a Husband Collector. Definition - She admittedly and consistently had affairs with married men and had already caused several marriages to end in divorce.<P>I'm curious if others out there feel that there is a difference in the progression of recover or tactics used to recover when a Husband Collector is involved. <P>Also, I would like to discuss Husband Collector stories.<P>Jessica

How did you find out the OW was a husband collector? I keep wondering about the motivations of my H's OW, but I don't know anything of her background except that she divorced her husband a couple of years before meeting mine. I know she isn't after my H for his money, since he doesn't have any, and our kids say it certainly isn't his looks or winning personality. It is doubtful that if she were looking for a committed relationship she would have wasted her time on responding to personals placed by married men. I don't know if she makes a habit of this, or if she is trying to get revenge against her H for possibly cheating on her.

Only heard this term recently. I called my H's OW a brazen hussy b****...so I guess Husband Collector is more PC?<P>Anyway, I don't know her or know anyone that knows her, but my H did say she had "been with" many other men, mostly married. He also told me she said "she wasn't used to my H's reponse" when she was trying to seduce him and he said "no". Gee I hope this is true, but this comment came almost off-hand when we were on a different subject, so I think it is. She also wanted him to leave us and move in with her after what may have been about 4 kissy face dates. She was so "in love" after all.<P>Actually I think her pressure and brazen character helped my H to see exactly who she was and that he had to get out of the situation and fast. If she had been a little sweeter, a bit more patient...who knows, but she might have had the whole enchalada.<P>So I don't know, but I would suspect the difference may be in motivation. The HC knows what she's going after and does not have a problem going after it. Women that fell in love through a building emotional attatchment or an out of character encounter may grapple with the morality and may have deeper emotions (or may think they do). <P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

I don't know if Dragon Lady is a husband collector in the strict sense of the word, but it sure does seem as if she has a whole bunch of married men as "friends." Her ex-boss, my H, another guy they worked with.<P>When I found out that this other guy goes to her house, alone, w/o his W, to fix things or whatever, I almost lost my teeth.<P>She's a single mom, who as the story goes, had her kid via an "arrangement" with a "friend". He'd provide the sperm in exchange for no recognition at all.<P>(The kid pre-dates my H working with her, so no, it's not his kid.)<P>I wonder if the kid's father was one of these guys as well.<P>Some women who can't handle intimacy don't like it if anyone else has it either.

My H was on and off with OW for a year after discovery, and the story goes that she was dating another guy in their office, married, and my H felt cheated on. oh shucks. OW left the other guy, planning to get my H back, and apparantly he was so distraught he drank himself to death. my H felt really guilty, but knew he could not see her anymore because everyone knew, and he was embarrassed to be associated with her. husband collector? maybe. drunk sicko? for sure.<BR><P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#" TARGET=_blank>www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#</A> atp-113<P>

Several months before their affair started, my H came home and told me that a girl at the office was needing some big guys to help her move out to get away from an abusive husband. She didn't even really know my H at the time, but he looks like he should be moving furniture so she asked him.<P>He made sure it was okay with me first. I mentioned it to some of the other wives that I went to the gym with and they couldn't believe I was okay with it. They told me that everybody knew she was after every married man out there. I told them to I wasn't worried because I completely trusted my H and it made me feel good to see him helping people. <P>Well, the rest is history and before long they were sleeping together. I feel so stupid for being so trusting.

I realize that not all affairs are caused by Husband Collectors (or Wife Collectors), but I do feel that there are different rules that apply and certain behavior you can almost guarantee from the OW when she is Husband Collector.<P>HC (Husband Collectors) will encourage confrontation. They will say things to the H like "If your wife needs to call me and vent tell her it's okay", or "I understand how she feels, it has happened to me before, maybe I can help her." She will continue contact on the preface of trying to help reconciliation. "How are ya'll doing, is there anything I can do to help? I sure hope ya'll make it."<P>She will take every opportunity to point out to H how unreasonable you are doing, yet still do it in a way as not to lose love points "She is being so unreasonable, but I guess she is dealing with it the best way she can."<P>She will swear to get out of the picture, but doesn't truly do it. She will also make sure H knows that "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you"<P>She will also tend to cool off if H leaves W.<P>If you ever meet the HC, then she will make a point of telling H that "I really think we could have been friends".<P>It is nothing but a game and the game isn't over until it isn't any fun anymore, or the marriage is ruined and therefore she wins. If she feels that the marriage is going to make it, then she will try to take credit for reconcilliation and the marrigage becoming stronger. My H's OW told me that she feels that his affair with her will be the turning point in our marriage she said "I'm sorry for what I did, but atleast I managed to help you guys realize how much you really love each other. I hope I was able to teach him how to please you better." "It feels good to be able to take credit for your happiness".<P>

I'm pretty sure my Ex-H mistress (she was married twice before) is a HC. Her second H was an alcoholic and drug user, whom she dumped by claiming he abused her. Not more than nine months later, when my H had a project at work that required them to work together, she told him what he wanted to hear, how she understood how he felt and dangled her young child (my Ex-H is sterile and wanted "a family") like a carrot in front of a donkey. She told him that she wants more children, but I think she really only wanted another H, someone to help her raise the kid, and a second income. If she really wanted more kids, she wouldn't be with a man who is sterile!!! She knew my H had a good income, was safe from diseases as we had been together for 18 years and were monogamous. Also, he was obsessed about having a child in his household. Talk about too good to be true - no wonder she jumped on him so fast. I think she did the same thing with her second H. If she stays true to form, the marriage to my Ex will probably only last for 4-5 years. Her first marriage lasted one year, and the second lasted less than 4 years. There really are people out there that do these things - break up marriages to get their goals met. Don't think it can't happen to you - my H (now Ex) is the last person I would have thought to commit adultery. Also I think that people who do this have poor self-esteem. It bolsters their ego that they must be "so special" that someone would be willing to break their marriage vows and sacrifice everything just for them.<P>[This message has been edited by Lady M (edited November 16, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by Lady M (edited November 16, 1999).]