<BR>I haven't posted in a while. But thought some of you might enjoy a tentative good news update. I say tentative, because I'm still afraid to be too happy. I've been shot down before! Things are going well with my H and me. We are doing things together. We rode the Harley to the beach this weeked! The only thing bothering me is that in the beginning when he first told me of the affair. He was very open about how difficult it was for him to break it off. He faltered several times and called her. Now he makes absolutely no mention of her whatsoever, and I am afraid to ask if he has seen her. <BR>I did happen to speak to her and she said that she has had no contact with him. (But she's a big liar...) What do you guys think? Is the fact that he is not mentioning her good or bad?

My H is doing that to, anyone have any ideas?<BR>He was open about getting emails and so forth in the beginning, but now doesn't say anything. I know he still gets them, he said in the beginning he wasn't replying????? Now if I ask he will tell me what was said, but he isn't open as he was. He is being GREAT to me! I feel guilty questioning him because he is being so nice. But I can't help but remember when they were friends I heard all about her, when they started sleeping together I heard nothing about her. When we were working it out in the beginning I heard about her, now it's only if I ask! He's not lying, stupid me, but I believe what he says, but should I worry that he doesn't tell me anymore? <BR>Stella - I think maybe you should ask h sweetly as possible "how he's doing?" Has been okay or had any regrets?" BE ready for the answer though. You may find out he's not talking because he really is over her and has nothing to say about her. But if you ask, like me and find out he's just keeping it from you, then maybe I would worry. I would like other opinions here, as I feel the same way and really need direction.<BR>Thanks all!<BR>M<P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>

Stella and Mater,<P>Don't jump to conclusions just based on my reply, but my experience with my W's "silence" has been bad. It just meant that not talking (aka lying or deceiving) was easier (less guilt producing) than admitting the truth.<BR>Sorry.

Hey Stella .. You know what, I sent this to you back in Oct. I had forgotten about it in the last week, just that quick I had slipped back into normal. Now that I am feeling what I feel this prayer suddenly popped into my memory, I had to search my posts to find it ..... Think it means I've closed my eyes again? <P><BR>Lord, Thank you for allowing me the chance to repair my marriage. Please let me be what I need to be for H, but don't let me close my eyes again. If it is still going on and he is lying, then give me the courage to see, keep my eyes open to the things unseen. <BR>If he is being genuine, give me the heart to reward his efforts.<BR>Amen.<P><P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>

Thanks for the responses. Last night I mustered up my courage and asked my H if he had called the OW. His response was to be very, very angry. He told me not to ever mention her name and that if I did he would call her.....So I backed off. Any opinions on his response?

So basically, he is BLACKMAILING you by telling you that if you ever show your feelings or fears that he WILL call her! WHAT A LOSER! I thought I had it bad! GOOD LUCK with that blinded jerk!

That response may have been a defense mechanism because he is hiding something, or it may have been a due to pain that you still don't trust him. <P>I doubt he was blackmailing you per se. Give him a little time and space. Maybe he will open up.<P>

I think you're right when you say that he doesn't like the fact that I am not trusting him. My gut instinct is that he is not contacting her. It hurts because I think he reacted strongly because he doesn't want any reminders of her. Of course, I've been in denial for years!!