Janie,<P>Saw your post to alone. It all sounds SO familiar.<P>My W is the betrayer. Continues to lie. Going to counseling - but she is blocking, evading, denying. She is a classic passive/aggressive type.<P>I have felt from the beginning that she is trying to make me make the decision to end our marriage, even though I am the one trying to repair it. Through various events she "seems" to be at a point where she has to make a decision. Our counselor doesn't really want us to come back unless she changes her attitude. So now she won't even have the appearance of trying to work it out - unless she is sincere about doing so. <P>And yet, she seems completely unable to make a decision. At this point I would be relieved either way. I can no longer tolerate the discrepancy between her words and her deeds.<P>Does this sound familiar to you? Were you relieved? Did the feeling last or did the weight of reality eventually crash in?<P>I am angry at her for being so gutless. She just hasn't been able to commit fully to do right or do wrong and accept the consequences. Aaaarrrggghhh! Any insight you have would be appreciated.

Too sad -- I really tried with my H for over a year. While I believe he gave up the OW, he was never able to reach a decision. It was always ... I need time, don't know what I want to do with my life, etc, etc, etc. Finally, I made the decision to separate. The time spent with him has been time he wants to spend with me. The time together has been much better. <P>I have always been a decision-maker at work and have always made the decisions at home. My therapist says he is passive-aggressive, conflict avoider, etc. <P>He has finally made a decision to take a job within his company and transfer (6 hrs away). He did join me in the decision to sell our home (which ran $60,000 over budget). Still can't tell me he loves me. Still doesn't know what he wants. Still hasn't gotten therapy, although he promised me and our daughter he would. <P>I think sometimes these personality types just can't be happy with themselves. They dwell on their failures and perhaps turn on those who have been the closest to them for blame. Don't really have any advice or solutions. Just try to control the things you actually have control over. It's their problem, not yours. doesn't make getting in that empty bed or coming into that empty apartment any easier, though. Prayers to you. Janie