Hi ES -<P>Thank you!!! And how are you and Hopeful doing now? Better, I hope!!<P>Anything with the job appeal?<P>HUGS and PRAYERS to you both,<P>Sheba

Sheba -- Nothing with the job stuff yet. See my post on this page for more on how we are doing.<P>God Bless

Hi FHL -<P>I don't know why I didn't mention Heidi..even though I flashed her face, I think it was his saying that we were divorcing because of me not doing anything that made the flash happen and the automatic response was to state the real reasons and not let him dole out the blame to me.....sort of like saying it was Heidi's fault that he didn't go see her.....<P>Does that make any sense?<P>Oh, I'm sure that there was resentment that he put me in the middle - I do not lie to my nieces and nephew (or anyone really!) and to have her think that I did was awful for me. I know that she is now 5 going on 40 and she knows how her uncle has been acting "weird" as she puts it....but it still hurt!!<P>I have tried to approach these subjects with H...he runs, avoids, deflects, etc.<BR>Occasionally, I have gotten a glimpse of "real" time and conversation with him, but how much of what we have said sticks - who knows!!<P>The "hate" comment is a manipulation attempt...he knows that I can not bear to have someone hate me - least of all someone that I love. See - I know his tricks!!! LOL!! That's why I came back with what I did.....I wanted him to know that that scare tactic was bush league!!<P>His parents weren't at Heidi's party..they blew off the twin's party in the summer...apple doesn't fall far sometimes eh? They are not speaking with my H's brothers and families cuz they wouldn't drop me from their lives like they ordered them to!!<P>It's all very sick!!! And my H knows it but I suppose it works well for him right now with his behavior, so he'll use it for his own selfish gains.<P>What do you think about what my SIL said about the best friend scenario?<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Sheba, Sheba, Sheba,<P>Reads as though you've been causing chaos again. LOL. GOOD for you. Last time it was letter writing and now it's phone yelling .<P>I had started a thread addressed to you early this morning but I guess you went to bed (which is where I'm headed now) and missed it So here it is again since I got way behind in how things are going for you and others on MB (although I don't post a lot, I do enjoy reading for strategies...hmmm, gotta try that phone thing -- oops, forgot, already did ).<P>PMA Sheba! <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Topic: Sheba? Conforming to Societal Norms? <BR> pondering<BR> Member <BR> posted November 15, 1999 01:14 AM <P> Hi Sheba!<P> What is this about you, a counselor, and conforming to societal norms?<P> Obviously I don't get over to this site to read as much as I did in the past <P> I have been laying low: just keeping busy focusing on spending time with child on 'my' days, meeting new people, work, and oh yes, the D process <P> H is still angry. Guess the good (in the bad) news is he's still blaming me for his woes (although I would like to know where I am when these decisions are being made, I just don't recall that my input was requested) and projecting onto me -- this indicates that I'm still the 'closest' person to H. Ugh. <P> Oh, the adventures of dealing with aninternalizing, conflict-avoiding guy experiencing a mid-life<BR>passage. The 'dragon lady' just wants to give him a pair of windshield wipers for the fogged up glasses. Then maybe the knight in shining armor will see his 'princess' as the toad she is. <P> How are things faring on your roller coaster ride? I do miss reading the 'lovely' letters that you write.<BR>LOL. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR><p>[This message has been edited by pondering (edited November 16, 1999).]

Sheba,<BR>Here is one of my parenting lessons. My oldest child is very strong willed. Until he was 4 I never told him no that I did not have to get up and physically need to move him from the "no object" or slap his hand. As he got used to my discipline he would look for the same response from me. He would do whatever he wanted and then put himself into time out. What I needed to do was develop a system of not being predictable in my response. Sometimes he would get time out, sometimes a spanking, etc. For the past 3 yrs. you have given your h the same loving response no matter what he has done. It was probably long overdue that he received a different response for his behavior. Take a note of his response to your "new" behavior and see if you like how he responds. If it is a negative response, maybe you won't want to do it again. Who knows, it may have a positive results Hang in there. <BR>

Warrior Gal, <P>Why is it I'm always late in responding to your threads?<P>My first impression is that if this guy can fit in the toilet I suggest you shove him in there and whoooooosh.....<P>Sheba you did good. Sometimes things have to be said. Personally, I don't think you lost it at all. You told him things he already knows (or should know) and maybe some of it will hit home. <P>How about you send him to Scottsdale; just for the summers. That should change his attitude. <P>Sheba your OK. Don't you change a bit. This man is a total fool for missing out on a gal like you.<P>SHA