Hi Ya'll,<BR> W and I went to see the councelor tonight and it sucked! I can't believe I listened to all the advice that was given to me. My W revieled her affair to me two day after it happened. The emotional part was about three weeks long and the pysical only once this was at the very beginning of all this. When she told me about it I did the nuclear LB to her I kicked her out and told her she couldn't have our daughter. When she came to me she was very humble and wanted to make things right. I know she would have she is a great ladie that fell short during a week moment. This kid told her all the things she wanted to ever hear. Things I couldn't even though I felt them. He rolled the dice and it paid off he got what he wanted. When I scted out of my emotions it opened up some severe old wounds, some I created during our relationship. I have to face it I was very self-centered during our R. She gave me more love than a man could ask for. My slf-obsession caused me to abandon her emotionaly. This BOY filled the gap. When she realised what she had done. I kicked her where she was most vulnerable. I'm not beating myself up, just stating facts. Since then she has created a fortress around her feelings. I sicerly apologised for how bably I have treated her and for kicking her when she was down. I can only pray God will allow her to express her anger toward me, and forgive me for 5 years of my crap. I hate to be a downer, this is how I feel. We have agood therapist and I hope he can get her to the other side of this. I should say I hope she'll let him help her. I have a great therapist and he is helping me see how I am emtionaly vacant from everyone. God has given me the power to do this I have made alot of progress. Now I have to let her go. Man this is hard I can only hope God will work a miracle. I believe he will. I love her so much and miss her dearly. About the OB I believe her when she says she has got to get away from him also. I don't know how soon that will be. Not realy my problem I have to work on Bill for now. You know what the cool thing is, I don't resent her. Hopefully we can be best friends again and share our marriage bed together. I believe deep down she still loves me alot, just that her pain and anger towards me won't let her feel it anymore. I thank you all for your love and support and I will keep coming back I need ya'll in my life.<P><P>------------------<BR>BB

WilliamJ -- Good for you. It's great you guys are in counseling. Treat W well and show her you love her and most importantly, concentrate on yourself a little to make yourself someone W will want to forgive and return to.<P>BTW, you said you couldn't believe you listened to all the advice. If you can share, what advice were you give by the counselor?<P>Good luck, man....

Heartpain,<BR> The advice I was given came from caring friends who have been "cheated on". I was crushed when I found out to say the least my lover had given her intimate of intimates to another person. Not to mention she had"fallen in love" with him. At the time her feelings were just above the "romantic" level. My friends told me youneed to kick herout, she cant take care of her daughtr, get all your money out of the bank, see a lawyer, get legal separation papers. I did all of these accept the papers. When she broke off w OB she was willing, so was I, but instead of holding her like my gut was telling me to do, I hammered her with all of these things><BR>By doing so I poened up every old abandonment issue she ever had and created a new one. Let me back up in time some. When she was ^ months pregnant I was a full blown drug addict, she had gotten "clean" I hadn't hit my bottom yet so I WALKED out on my pregnant wife. Back to present I have been"clean" for 3 years now. When I kicked her out it opened this wound and added to it. Now every book I have read about 15 so far dealing with infidelity say do not do the things I did. They say step back let the emotions die down some before you do anything at all. HOPEFULLY this therapist can get her to break through her walls. All I know is she is not receptive to feelings toward anyone. Or it seems that way ,so tomorrow I'm mnoving into our new house by myself. Man this is painful, can't work, sleep or eat still. Anyhow I'm late for work so I have to go.Thanks for caring everyone. <P>Life on Lifes Terms Sucks.<BR>Love Ya'll

Both of you have really been through the wringer here. William, don't beat yourself up right now, it sounds as if you're being really hard on yourself. I think that giving this some time and being there for her when she needs you (I'm sure you've already let her know that you are) is the way to go. Kinda feels like you're going crazy while waiting I know, but to show her the changes that you're making and have made and let her see for herself that these changes are consistent and not waivering, that's what may just bring her back. This should be a growing and learning process for both of you. This may take some time though, so try to exercise some patience (I know easier said than done!).