Ever since he confessed he has shown nothing but remorse and sorrow for what he's done to us. He cries alot and can't believe how he could do this. He was so opposed to this behavior and became the type of person he despised. I see that he is in alot of pain over what he's done. All this is good, if I wanted to work at the marriage, but I'm so crushed and upset about it all I really can't see my way through this.<P>I told him this week if he really is repentive, would he want to live with someone who has such resentment and anger? I just don't think I could get through this. But I also haven't tried so how do <BR>I know. <P>I just want to know if his sorrow is real and he really has learned his lesson, should <BR>I try based on that? It almost seems to me that some of you would jump at the chance if it were your h, yet I am so apprehensive.<BR>I really don't know what is right here, and I am trying to hear from God what is right for me. Why would there be scripture excusing divorce in the case of adultrey if <BR>God really wanted us to stay married? I'm really confused over this. Any ideas?<P>ALso, if he never ever did this again, is that reason to try. People who know the situation tell me he would never do this he really has seen the error of his ways. I don't know how important that is. Sometimes I feel it doesn't matter what he promises in the future, it's what he's done in the past that has caused so much damage.<P>How much importance is his behavior now? Sometimes I think he's just doing one of those jail house conversions. How do I know?<BR>HELP!!

hello crushed, e-mail is cheryl_fnp@hotmail.com<BR>I will be gone a couple days, but will try to check my e-mail.<BR>Hang in there, be really patient with yourself. That is where you will find the key-within you!! He is very sorry and remorseful...very good sign.<BR>Happy to talk with you. Sounds like my h?!

crushed,<BR>i am like your h and my w feels similarly to you...we are separated while she tries to decide whether she wants to try to reconcile...she is so very angry and rightfully so...anyway, at some point you will have to decide to sort of take a small leap of faith...not in trusting your h but in wanting to at least try...then he will be able to show you through his actions that he can be trusted and it will reinforce your desire to trust him and you will begin to restore and rebuild...it takes time and you have to want to do it...i reccommend the book after the affair by janis abrahms spring i am reading it now and it addresses many of the things i know you are feeling...i like your h am remorseful, and sorry and only can hope and wait that my w will give me the chance to show her that i can change over time that this behavior will never happen again...also maybe look at it this way...if you never give him the chance to show you you'll never know if he can change...it is possible and you only have to try a little without making a definitive choice and without becoming more vulnerable to start and as you feel more comfortable you can reevaluate...small steps...it doesn't have to be an all or nothing decision... make any sense? i hope a little...much peace and love ...trying hard

hello there! i am an adulterous husband, my wife and i have been trying in different directions for three years its really tough! after a sexless (almost ) marriage ( we have two kids ) i strayed and had a brief affair, i am ashamed of it and truely remorseful! I prayed for a long time that GOD help me make my marriage strong. then the other woman phoned my wife and told her the whole story! ( out of the blue!) it is the sad truth, i knew that if i wanted our marriage to improve i would have to come clean! i lied about the affair for months!! and ended up weaving such a tangled web that i couldnt keep it straight! i am releived there are no more secrets between us. I still live away from her and the kids i support them and pay the bills but it is very hard! i cant do it alone thats for sure! i pray every day for strength! some days i really feel it! others i dont. i reallty wonder how i can show her that i love her and want to work out our differences. they are quite minor basically that we dont communicate well with eachother! hope that people can learn from my situation and NOT get themselves in the same situation that i am in!<BR>riemer<BR>

Crushed: My W is judt like you, . She sees how I act now, and it is exactly what she has said she wants. the probablem is she dont think it will last. she thinks I will go back to my old ways. I dont blame her though. the only way is to prove to her, and that is what I intend to do. She also says the way I act makes her sick though. Some one told me to translate sick into guilt, cause I'm trying so hard and she is not.<P>If he is true, he will prove to you, and you wont know unless yall open the door for us. <P><BR>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited November 16, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited November 16, 1999).]

My H is acting just like yours And I too don't know how to accept this. MY Question like yours is will it last do they really learn there lessons? As sorry as he is now can I trust he really won't do it again? The questions feel like they will make me crazy some days. Although I have been back with H for a month now I have not let myself go to love him. I am just so scared, waiting to hear more lies, waiting for all the remorse to end.<BR> <P>------------------<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>And delivered me from all my fears.<BR> Psalm 34:4

JJM as a H trying to change and My W not letting me prove to her. I t too makes her crazy. Me telling her that I love her all the time. She tells me that I driver crazy. I want to tell her every day, for the rest of my life.<P>I used to not be very affectionet, or helpfull around the house, or with our oldest son. I have done A 180 turn. Now I do all those things. Except for there is not much hugging no kissing, wich I would love to do, but she wont let me. she dont trust me and my actions. This is the new me And I am here to Stay.<P>I hope yours are too.<P>I would love for her to read this thread. She dont know I come here for help. If I sent it to her It would only be more pressure and make her more crazy.<BR>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited November 16, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by brownphd (edited November 16, 1999).]

Does anyone have more that may help me. In the same thing but the one trying to prove.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>