Well, tonight at 7:00pm H was still not home from work...very unusual for this time of year. I called him on the cell phone and he answered on the first ring. I asked "Where are you?" He told me he was still about 1 1/2 hours from home. I told him supper would be waiting when he got home. He said "Ok, see you in a little bit. Bye" I said "Ummm, ok" and he goes "Love you, bye" Not "I love you"..."love you, bye" as if it were an after thought to tell me that he loves me. The reason this bothers me is because H and I used to work together, and every night I would walk into the break room and hear him on the phone with his wife. He used the same tone with her when he said "I love you, bye". I later asked him about that, and he said he told her that only because his daughter was always on the other phone and he didn't want to upset her by not saying "I love you" to her mother.<P>So many 'funny' things are happening, and I just can't deal with these feelings. I have to know..somehow, someway, I have to know if he is being unfaithful.<P>Gabbie

And the plot thickens... <P>I can't handle this much longer. Last night I went to bed and H initiated sex. (Some of you may think that's a good thing, but it gets worse) He positioned me so that my face was burried in his chest, so I couldn't look at him, and he wouldn't look at me. There was anther incident a few days ago where he was 'in the mood' and I met him in the bedroom. I undressed and got into bed, he undressed and turned out the light. That is so unusual for him. One of the things he used to say to me was that he loved to make love to me with the lights on, looking deep into my eyes.<P>I hurt so bad right now..I just want answers, but I am either too stupid, or too scared to find them. <P>Gabbie<P>(I hope I didn't get too graphic about sex)

Gabbie-have to say that when my H was having his affair he would make the positions so he didn't have to look at me and once I got a look at his face and he looked angry. It's scary and telling. <BR>It sounds as though you are on to him. Did he cheat on his ex for you? That's what it sounds like and you must be aware that if he cheated on her for you that he could cheat on you for someone else. I would tread slowly and remember to have as much open communication as possible between the two of you. Don't let your suspicions fester, they will only give rise to other problems! God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

Gabbie, I dont mean to be a wet rag here- but you said you heard him talking to his wife before. Did they divorce and you and he married? Were you in the picture before the divorce settled? Are you in a "rebound" relationship?<BR>Sorry if i took a low road here, but your bio dosen't really give much info.<BR>

My Story:<P>H and I worked at the same place. 5 years before that we had also gone to high school together, I knew who he was, he knew who I was, but that was about as far as the high school thing went. He is 2 years older than I am, and we didn't "Run with the same crowd" in high school. Fast forward 5 years:<P>I started working at the factory he worked at. He was actually my trainer. 2 weeks, 10 hours a day, side by side. Of course we talked, but I was married at the time, too (but in the process of divorce). After my training was done, of course we still talked. We worked on the same line. A group of us sat at the same table for breaks and lunch. It was no big deal, I never gave it a second thought. There were 3 payphones in a row, and he called home to talk with his wife and daughter for a few minutes every break and lunch. I also called my parents to check on my daughter during these times. One evening we had a break down on our line, and were sent to various other parts of the shop to do other jobs until our line could be fixed. He and I were assigned to outside duty, picking up trash, emptying outside trash barrels. He looked kind of down, and I asked him if he was ok. It was then that he told me that his wife was having numerous affairs and he didn't know what to do. I asked him the standard questions "Do you still love her?" (I don't know) "Do you want to make your marraige work?" (I don't see how, I have tried, begged her to go to counseling and she won't) "What does she say about these affairs when you confront her?" (She tells me its none of my business. She says I am never home, always at work. I am always at work to make things better for her and my daughter). We talked more over the next few weeks and he seemed to be losing any hope of making his marriage work. I felt really bad for him and made the comment that if he ever needed to talk, I would be there. (Is that a standard OW response?)<P>About a month after our first conversation, he called me one night (I later found out that he looked at work records to get my number). He told me that he had left his wife. I told him I was sorry to hear that. He said that he had got off work early, went home to surprise her, and he is the one who got the surprise....he found her and another man in his bed. We talked for a long time that night. And he told me what a great friend I was and that he appreciated my listening to him and helping him with his problems. A few months later he came to work and said that the divorce papers had been filed, and would be final in 30 days. He looked better than I had seen him look in a long time...more at ease..happier. The day his divorce was final was a Friday. He came to work and asked me if I would go out for a drink with him to celebrate his divorce. I said "Sure". (My divorce was final about 2 months after his was.) We went out that evening, and again the following weekend. We became the best of friends, and went out together a lot...normally with a group of people from work. Our friendship remained that way for almost a year after his divorce. One evening I was out for coffee with a few of my girlfriends and he showed up at the cafe. He said he needed to talk to me. I left with him and we went for a drive. He pulled over beside the river, and we started walking along the path. He took ahold of my hand and thanked me for being there for him...and then he kissed me. It was the most wonderful kiss I had ever had in my life. He told me he had wanted to do that for months. We were married 8 months later.<P>So, in answer to your question: no, I wasn't a 'rebound relationship'. At least that's not the way I see it. Was H cheating on his ex-wife while they were married? I don't think so. I asked him about that once and he said "No, I would never sink to her level."<P>Sorry this has been so long....But I wanted to let you know that I never slept with H while either of us were still married.<P>Gabbie

Sounds alittle to cut and dry to me, but then again I am a pessimist. Did you ever talk to the ex wife about what REALLY was going on?

trying2_4give<BR> <BR>I don't quite know how to take your comment <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Sounds alittle to cut and dry to me <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Are you implying that there you think there was more going on between myself and H before he left his wife? If so, you couldn't be more wrong.<P>I never spoke with the ex to get her side of the story, no. However, we live in a very small town, and everyone knows everyone else's business. A close friend of mine had said that she saw H's ex out in the bars frequently, and that she was with other men at the bars. You know how rumors fly in a factory setting...the rumors at work were that H's ex (before she was the ex) would take their daughter to her parents house after H left for work (he worked 2nd shift) and she would hit the bars while he worked. Some of the 3rd shifters would come in to work and tell H that they had seen his wife at such-and-such bar. The ex also had a live-in-lover within 3 weeks of H leaving her. He would tell me how 'he' was there when H went to pick up his daughter for his scheduled visits. Later, after we were married, his daughter would tell me that her mom had a "ton of boyfriends", and she didn't like any of them.<P>So, although I never talked to the ex myself about their divorce, I have seen her in action over the last few years, and to put it bluntly, from what I have seen she is a little slut who can't keep her legs together.<P>But, as I said in my earlier post, H did not leave his ex for me. There was never anything other than a friendship before they were divorced, or for months afterwards.<P>Gabbie

Just bringing this back to the top....needing more input tonight.<P>Gabbie

Hi. Here is my two cents:<P>For months, I had been hearing rumors that my H was having an affair with a co-worker. We all work in the same place. I asked him on several occasions, and he always said "no no no". It was finally confirmed, and he finally admitted it when I confronted him.<P>All I can tell you from my experience is this: my instincts were telling me that it was true, that my H was indeed having an affair. But everytime he would tell me it wasn't happening, I'd talk myself into believing him. It has been my experience that my instincts are always right, and every time I don't trust them, it's a mistake.<P>Have you flat out asked him? <P>-Marlo

Marlo<P>Yes, I have flat out asked him. His response was "When do I have the time to have an affair?" He then asked me the reasons I thought he was having an affair. I told him (everything I have posted here) and he came up with very good explanations for those things...but then again, don't all cheating spouses have good explanations for their actions? <P>Gabbie

Yes they do! My H had wonderful explanations! Very tough to crack. I asked him several times, flat out, and he denied it, several times, flat out.<P>I read a wonderful book that you might want to get ahold of. It's called "Not With My Husband, You Don't!" It's sort of tongue-in-cheek: for example, it recommends against homicide. But it does have several tips for how to keep your H on his toes, so if he is having an affair, he doesn't feel quite so secure in his deceit. <P>I'm so sorry you're going through this unsure time right now. Bear in mind that you're in the infidelity forum, so we're all a little jaded. It is possible your H is telling the truth.<P>Marlo

Gabbie, seems that you just want to finally set your mind at ease over all of this. Do you honestly feel that your husband is being truthful with you? If you don't, then I would say to hire a PI for your own sanity, and bring it to a head. I feel so bad for your situation, and it's so frustrating I can imagine. But you need to feel a sense of peace in at least knowing.

Marlo: It is very possible that he is telling me the truth. Let me tell you a little story. When H and I were dating, he would tell me "I am going <where ever> with my brother." I had a hard time trusting due to circumstances in my first marriage. I would borrow the neighbors car and drive to where H said he would be...he was ALWAYS there..and I mean always. Even those few times that I felt he wasn't being honest with me. So yes, it is possible that he is telling the truth...and Lord, I hope he is. But I can't shake this feeling...and I have never had it so strong. The things that are happening are so unlike him..the closing of eyes during love-making....the way he ends our phone conversations...a bunch of little things that a lot of spouses wouldn't even notice.<P>Connor: Yes, I just want to put my mind at ease. I have said it before..I can deal with <B> anything </B> as long as it is the <B> truth. </B> I am normally a very strong person, who faces hard times with a positive attitude and outlook. But right now I feel weak and out of control. Things are weird right now, and I don't like it. Thanks for your kind words. I know now that if I <B> do </B> find out he is having an affair, I can come here for the support I will need to put the pieces back together. Thank you all so much!<P>Gabbie

I am ripping my hair out as I type this!!! I don't recall where this was posted, but I read that one of the signs of a cheating spouse was when he calls from his cell phone numerous times a day and asks "Did you call me?" This happened a few days ago...actually it happened for 3 days in a row. I needed to get ahold of H today and have called his cell phone SIX times..between the hours of 10am and 2pm. He hasn't called back....<P>Makes me wonder if he is calling the OW and asking her "Did you call me?"<P>UGH!

Hi Gabbie,<P>I just wanted to give you my opinion (I have been reading about your story).<P>Before I found out my H was having an affair, there were a million signs that I didn't see. I just never ever thought it would happen to me. But when my intuition finally screamed at me "OPEN YOUR EYES!" - I asked him straight out and the truth oured out of him. I have learned since then that 9 out of 10 times, my intuition has been right. I am not saying that your suspicions are true - because you never know. I am just saying that every time I suspected a nontruth - after the whole thing came out and I pressed on the issue, I found out I was right.<P>The biggy was, about 1 1/2 after I found out about my H's affair, (By the way - we started rebuilding immediately and went to counselling for about 2 months after - at least once a week) I found "143" on his beeper. Immediately I had a pain in my stomach. It's seemed odd to me. Now I know that she and he beeped each other a lot during their "affair". I asked him about it and he said it's a code to call his friend Mike. It didn't make sense to me my 2 grown men would use a code and not their phone numbers. I pressed a little bit and he held his ground. The next morning - it hit me! "143" meant "I love you"(the 143 for the number of letters in each word). I woke my H up and asked him if that is what it meant and he admitted it - she beeped him - BLAH BLAH BLAH! But my intuition was correct again.<P>I don't mean to drag this out - You need to get the truth from him. If he is cheating and you want to rebuild - it CAN BE DONE. My H and I are living proof. It has been a year since the dicovery and we are trying to have our 2nd child together now. Our relationship is stronger than ever - it has opened our eyes to a better marriage.<P>You need to get to the bottom of this and know for sure. GOOD LUCK!<P>------------------<BR>To err is human<BR>To forgive is divine

BoyAmIScared,<P>Thanks for your input..please read the other topic I am going to post in a minute (It will be something about confrontation last night). And please, tell me what you think after you read it.<P>Thanks<BR>Gabbie